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2002-01-15 - 9:46 p.m. Today was a good day. I had a good time at school and was happy. The only thing hanging over me is fifteen million journals to grade, and the fact that I haven't read this book I was supposedly supposed to read for my Curriculum Cadre Meeting on Thursday. The whole thing with that is pissing me off--we got this book right before break that looks super boring about aligning curriculum (which we already had a two and a half day training on, thank you) and it came with a note that said, "Our superintendent thought you would enjoy this, have a nice time reading it over the holiday break." I immediately thought that this was an optional read since, after all, it is a holiday break. Well, the latest letter I got from them was all, "And bring your thoughts on how the book applies to our work." HA HA HA HA. This completely contradicts the whole thing where they assured us that we would be paid for everything we did for this committee since they value our time, etc. If I read that I will be at least three hours out of my own time. I'm not really a quick reader. I don't know, it just annoyed me. I am guessing no one else read it either, but I will try to skim it so I can keep my image up as the young exciting member of the team. Hi, lately I can always digress into something negative, can't I? Here I was going to tell you about my good day. My favorite period is third period because those kids are so sweet and always do their work. I had fun with the seniors today because we did test review. I am getting so much better at "lecturing" for long periods of time. I used to be so scared of that part of it. I didn't mind giving instructions but when I was actually talking for most of the period I got nervous, because, of course, that gives you more time to mess up if you are talking for more time. I am glad I am more used to it now and am actually getting good at it. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised by how much the kids did seem to know about the plot and the characters and all of that when we talked about it. I felt better about the play as a whole after that. I didn't have to go through every step of the way with them because it all came up naturally in our conversation about the characters and such. Third period even started a mini debate about whether Lady Macbeth or Macbeth changed more or was worse. Even fourth period was awesome today. I remembered what I love about them, which is that they make everything fun, no matter what we are doing. They can make jokes out of everything and even manage to stick to the subject at hand. Seventh period was also, once again, great. They wanted a makeup day today and I gave it to them under the condition that they work fairly quietly and use the time wisely. Unlike past makeup days with them, they actually worked quietly the whole period. Oh, and the student I mentioned yesterday who threatened suicide was in a great mood today and seems okay. He did show me his hand was all swollen from, "punching stuff." But on the bright side, it was "stuff" not people. ;) He has a tendency to do that. He even passed back papers today for me with a helpful attitude. It's the little things. Oh, reading through journals I was reading one of my sophomores'. Before we started poetry I asked them to write about their thoughts on poetry, as we were starting the poetry section. I read her entry and it said she was not a fan of poetry at all, she thought it was boring and hard to understand and wasn't looking forward to the unit--but maybe it if was taught by the right person. Well, many many entries later, out of nowhere she wrote this entry called, "My new thoughts on poetry." (I did not ask them for this entry, but they can write on my prompt or whatever they want.) She wrote a very sweet entry to me: After our unit of poetry I have a new outlook on it. You gave me great insight and I now have a new interest. It was fun and I felt I could explain and pore out my thoughts. I also thank you for this! I said before the right person would have to teach me to like it and it's obvious that was you. You've helped me to overcome something I hated so strongly and now I even write poems on my own. So your teachings and insight to this unit made me realize I shouldn't hate something until I truly know why. Poetry is not boring nor dumb instead fun and gives an opportunity to express your true thought and feeling. So thank you Boombastic. I just thought that was so nice. She is not really the type of girl who kisses ass either, she is very honest and straightforward. She's really intelligent and she hates the fact that she has to be in school for the next two years. I was a little worried about her from some of the poems she was writing. Her sister died two school years ago and a lot of her writing centers on that and on feelings of despair and hopelessness about life. We talked about it though and she is just using writing as a tool to help her cope with it. Another cool thing about her is that she just finished, "the first book I've ever read the whole way through that is over 100 pages." It was one of the ones from my shelf that she borrowed. Okay, I'm gloating now. Sorry. It was just so nice hearing that I was the one that did poetry in a way that made her open to it. Sometimes I'm afraid that I do the opposite--turn kids off to what I want them to love. I do feel completely good about two things now: reading workshop and poetry. Before it was just reading workshop. Sometimes I just am amazed that other teachers do this too. They don't seem extraordinary. They don't seem worried and frazzled and insane. Are they really doing the same thing that I'm doing? How do they do it? Do I appear to everyone else as if I am normal and not worried about a million things at once and constantly thinking about, "Are they learning anything?" "Is X okay, she looks really thin lately." How do they stay so casual? How do they avoid wanting to talk about their students all the time? They barely ever talk about kids in the staff room, it is more about sports or random stuff. If I had it my way we would talk all the time about how the kids are doing in each other's classes and what works and doesn't work. I bring it up and sometimes it starts a conversation but it often just ends quickly. I don't want the kind of staff room where we sit around talking badly about kids, but I want more problem solving. Oh well. Maybe they see lunch as the time to get away from the kids and think like an adult and not think about the insanity that is high schoolers. I understand that too. I just wish I had one real friend at school that wanted to talk about the kids and how they survive. I think my CD Rom drive is breaking. It is making weird noises. I got a cleaner thing that seemed to help a little but I think I need to get a new one. They aren't expensive, I'm just worried about installing it. I guess I will just look forward to it as a learning experience and hope I don't break my computer. I'm sort of looking forward to Thursday for the Curriculum Cadre meeting because I get to miss the second half of the day to go to it. I actually only have two periods after lunch, but still it will be cool. Also we get free lunch there again. I am really enjoying the free food aspect of these meetings. I hope this time I will be able to understand what they are talking about and I hope my friend from the other school is there because I have some new gossip for her. It's so nice when I feel like I spent the whole day laughing. Today was one of those days when they were so funny. One of my kids was talking not-so-nicely about another teacher. My standard response has become to say, "It's not nice to talk about people when they aren't here to defend themselves." He responded with, "Okay I'm going to go tell Ms. P. what I said and tell her Ms. Boombastic told me to say it to her face!" Everyone cracked up because I was so shocked at how he turned my words around. Anyway, hoping for another good day tomorrow.
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