We had a snow day today. It was nice having the day off, and I walked up to Fred Meyer to have coffee with and pick up a few groceries with Eliza.
Tomorrow we have a two-hour delay, but I am on a hill with no chance of the snow melting, so am going to have to walk up to meet Eliza so she can give me a ride. What a pain.
I am missing the old days when I wrote about school. I miss relishing the little details. I still like teaching most of the time, but I feel like I have distanced myself a lot more lately. It doesn't help anything that this is the absolute worst group of kids maybe EVER. There was one other really bad year while I taught middle school, but this may top it. The kids are just awful awful awful, and it is not just me. It is the rest of the members of my team, as well as the rest of the eighth grade teachers. We are all having a hellish year. If this was my first year of teaching I might not want to do it anymore. Poor math teacher on my team--it's her second year. I told her she better not quit!
Our team also has the kids with the lowest test scores in EVERYTHING coming in, and our first round of testing has not been pretty. I am guesstimating that the kids are at about 35% for reading right now...ugh. They have three chances, but I am still worried. I am doing my best.
I am having some problems with my British Boyfriend. Relationships are hard. I don't know if we will even make it through Christmas. I have been looking forward to Christmas with him and New Year's. I am not sure if it will happen, and I feel surprisingly numb about the whole thing. I alternate between being incredibly grateful for this kind, sweet, adoring guy, and being annoyed and smothered by him. Sometimes I think I already had this relationship and it was with Justin. Sometimes I think it could work out. When will I meet someone who I will love exactly as much as he loves me? Does that happen? Is that what true love is? I have the really great relationship I have wanted for so long, but I think it may be with the wrong person, and I feel like I am being unfair and untruthful with that person. What do I do?
I talked to Chad after more than four months. Neither of us asked or admitted to dating anyone else. It was weird. I still miss him. Believe it or not, I still miss P. More than a year since our three month relationship, and I still feel so incredibly hurt.
At least most guys are easy to get over...I feel nothing now for any other guys I have dated in the past few years other than Chad and P. I could care less...oh, except the seething hatred I feel for Nathan, but at least I barely ever have to see him now.
I am on a diet right now because all of my pants are uncomfortably tight. I am just counting calories on sparkpeople, and barely feel deprived at all. I have been good on all but two days at sticking to the calories. It helps because British Boyfriend is also doing it, and we talk about it and check up on each other. I have done less well with exercise lately. Anyway, I am eating a lot more veggies and fruit and a lot less unhealthy stuff. I feel good about it. I think I will fit into my pants again in no time. :)
I have been pretty happy the last forty days, other than worrying about relationship. I enjoy my time with British Boyfriend, and it is so refreshing to have someone want me around all the time. In all my other relationships I constantly worried whether they wanted me to stay the night or be around them, and took every sign as them wanting out. This is the first time that I am secure in the knowledge that he adores me and wants me around nonstop(and even loves me, or thinks he does). Of course, this means that I need my space and push him away...no, I do not just want guys who are bad for me or that I have to chase. If that was true, why would I have been so into P, the first guy who was truly nice to me? I just have this gut feeling that he is not the one for me. :( But everyone just seems to think that it is because I like bad boys or something...no, I do want someone who is kind and sweet and thoughtful and makes me feel loved. I just don't know that he is the one!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
