I saw Ben yesterday FINALLY and we had the perfect date, except he didn't spend the night at my house. What is it about me that is always left wanting more more more? It was still nice and I slept so well. I am now secure again in knowing that he really does like me, so that's good. I was thinking maybe he was waiting to break up with me in person, but obviously that didn't happen because I am a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to have her heart broken again.
Anyway, he came over and we hung out and then we went and saw Wedding Crashers, which was a surprisingly great movie. It was the funniest movie I've seen in a while.
I just love spending time with Ben because he is so affectionate in a way that isn't annoying like Justin was. Justin was constantly grabbing my ass and stuff like that and I was just like, "GET OFF ME." He was affectionate in some good ways, too, but mainly I remember being constantly annoyed. Speaking of which (whom?), he went on a date...it feels good that he is dating, but crappy at the same time. I think it is more about not having the thought in the back of my mind that I have him still, no matter what, despite everything, he will always love me. And that's an unfair position to keep him in, so I'm glad he's dating, but I can't say that I am happy picturing him kissing, touching, having sex with another girl. Particularly another girl who will probably be a lot nicer to him than I was. Especially if that girl is petite, or is Asian, or has bigger breasts (which, face it, is EVERY GIRL). Especially if she text messages him to say hi and likes to go camping and plays tennis. And I will die if she is a dog person and if she becomes best friends with his mother.
On their date they went to the Kennedy School and watched Sin City and had beer. He mentioned it was awkward at the end of the night--alluding to the big kissing question, and it made me cry. I was PMSing, but I didn't allude to kissing when I told him about people I was dating. I told him he better get it together because he saw her on Monday and then didn't call until Wednesday, and if she's read He's Just Not That Into You then she's going to think he's not that into her. He said he is taking his time and doing things at his own pace. It doesn't sound like she's read the book, though, because she's called him more than he's called her, and is pursuing him through her friend...so we'll see.
But I don't really know anything about this girl. She has two jobs and she's 23 and I picture her having light brown hair. I don't know if Justin and I will ever be the kind of friends to meet each other's significant others. My friend Lucia's ex-boyfriend was invited to her wedding, and I just can't picture that. I think in the back of my mind, and Justin's mind, we will always have that, "What if?" question about each other. So...
I still can't think about engagement rings or weddings without thinking about Justin, and I know he feels the same way about me. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, but usually I don't.
