Today was back to school for me. The kids don't come until next week. Today was just a special ed. meeting where they tell us about the kids to be aware of on our team (We have four autistic kids this year! Last year we had two and the year before one.) We also have four emotionally disturbed kids, and I think we had maybe one last year. It's going to be a tough year. We also had a team meeting. I think we're in for a long year when it comes to our team. We have a new team leader and a lot of strong, male personalities. Hopefully we can get through it all. We did make some decisions today, but I am a little bit worried about something we didn't make a decision on. I guess everyone felt grumpy and overwhelmed (I know I did). I'm also the secretary again this year, which makes me feel useful, but at the same time I am such a perfectionist on it that I spend too much time typing up our notes. The best thing, though, is that it helps me remember what went on. Some people were saying we didn't come to a decision last year on a certain issue and I was able to tell them that the notes would say we did come to a consensus. It was good because I really wanted the thing to happen that did. Ha ha.
Anyway, it was nice to see people, but I realized I am not really close to anyone on my team since we lost the team leader to elective world. I like the social studies teacher a lot, and we exchange looks of, "PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE," when things are getting to be too much with people who talk too much about trivial things, but I still don't feel really close to anyone. It's going to be an interesting year. I also felt the same way that I always feel, which is, "How the hell am I going to do all the stuff I need to get done? How am I going to teach? What am I going to teach? When am I going to get organized? How can I remember everything we have to remember? How can I make sure that the year starts right?" But it always comes together, so I need to stop freaking out.
To top it off, I have to do part of an inservice presentation tomorrow. I don't really have to talk that much, but I get so nervous, and teachers are tough. They've heard it all before and easily shut down because THEY WANT TO BE IN THEIR CLASSROOMS GETTING READY FOR THE YEAR. So I don't want to be the one who is keeping them from that, and I don't want to be giving them information they feel is useless. The way we formatted it, though, is that we are presenting an idea, then we are actually giving them about an hour and a half to go fill out their plan and make a product to give the kids with the team. Maybe they will actually find it useful...I hope so.
Well, I am hoping that I will hear from both of those boys I went out with this weekend. Actually, I did hear from the one I saw on Saturday. He emailed me a funny movie clip from work and said that he hoped my other date was awkward and boring and that I thought the whole time about how much fun I had with him. Ha ha. He also said he wanted to go out on Friday. So I text messaged him and said that worked. But I want to hear from the other boy, too. I know he text messaged me after the date yesterday, so maybe he thinks it is too soon to call. I just hope he hasn't changed his mind, because I thought he was pretty cool.
I'm not a huge Coldplay fan, but I love love love the song "'Til Kingdom Come." It's just so great, and I keep listening to it over and over.
I've also been reading a little bit. I started reading The Bell Jar again (I started reading it a long time ago and then abandoned it for no good reason). It's really good. I also am reading Sex, Drugs and Cocoapuffs by Chuck Klosterman, which is essays. One of the essays is about The Sims, and another one is about how no one can really have a successful romantic relationship because every woman wants to be with John Cusack's Lloyd Dobler character from Say Anything. Interesting.
I've been talking to Jasmine a lot lately, and I remembered why I like being friends with her so much. I really love her, despite the flaws that aggravate me sometimes. It's nice reconnecting with someone.
Speaking of which, Jose called me again to find out about my internet dating. It was a very friendly conversation. I think I am really over him. He suggested we go out sometime to meet other people. I think that would be really weird, and I probably will not do it. I am tempted, though, because I have no friends who like to go out anymore. But you're right, it's probably a really, really, really bad idea. Oh, he also told me that his two roommates are dating each other, which I found really interesting. He has a really cool male roommate who is like a rocker type guy, but is very funny. He's not very good looking, though. Then he has this gorgeous, blond, perfect bodied girl roommate who looks like she could have any guy she wanted. I was surprised to hear they were dating, but good for them. < Okay, I should probably try to get some sleep.
I miss Ben. I can't believe it has only been a week since I last talked to him. It feels like an eternity. I know I should just face it that it's not going to happen. I am not even going to get the opportunity to try to make him realize he should be with me if he never even calls me or hangs out with me. But I just can't seem to face it, because I put so much of my heart into it. I don't know if it is possible to be in love with someone after such a short time, but I really feel so strongly for him. It sucks.
Hold my hand inside your hands, I need someone who understands, I need someone someone who feels, for you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait, 'til kingdom come. Until my day my day is done, and say you'll come, and set me free, just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
