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2001-10-29 - 7:14 p.m. I forgot to mention that I started reading Joe College by the author of Election. Tom Something. Anyway, so far so good. I also forgot to mention that ten million of my students work at the grocery store and anytime I shop there they automatically try to give me a carryout. It is my favorite. One of my girl students was working this time and tried to give me a carryout and I figured this was a good sign and that I am actually a nice teacher that kids like and it is just a fluke that seventh period hates me and wants to destroy me. See previous entry for that whole thing if you missed out. I have this paranoia that if I do two entries in one day one of my two readers will miss out on my previous entry of genius without even realizing it. Sometimes I miss out that way, so I always check the archives to be sure. I know that is the dumbest thing to be worrying about. I'm tired of being only the second coolest teacher in school. I hate being usurped by the new guy. And I have this vision of getting older and older and less cool and less cool until finally I am just one of the average teachers. That is pretty sad and that is part of why I have to get out of this town one of these days. I was reading epiphany's diary about how he and his roommate are having trouble making friends and I can totally relate to that. I hate not having a single friend where I live. I feel like a super big loser. Anytime I have something bad happen to me in class, I don't feel like I have anyone I can vent to. I went today and vented for awhile with the new cool guy, but he couldn't really offer any suggestions since he is a new guy without any tricks. It was still fun talking with him, though. I am trying to get past my resentment and jealousy ;) I wish I knew how to meet people; it is even harder to meet people when you are all by yourself and there is no one around your age. Now I don't have that excuse anymore, but as I mentioned the new guys are all a little clique without me. Sigh... How do I break through the barrier and become one of the clique? I don't know. One of my only online friends I have ever had had this online relationship for a little while. He actually met her in real life too since they lived nearby. Anyway, one of the things he was telling me about was that she sometimes would IM him like *sigh*. And then he would say, "What's wrong?" and she would not tell him. He got really annoyed by her whole *sigh* business. Anytime I write "sigh..." I think about that. Ha ha. I was thinking I might start that thing that I have noticed people doing in their online journal where they do little stars for the next thought. But I'm not sure because I would be doing a lot of little stars. ************************************************************ No, I don't think I like that. Too much like work.
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