I don't know if anyone still reads this, but that's okay. This has been a busy week, thankfully, because breaking up is hard to do. I haven't talked to Chad since Sunday, which really sucks. I know he is trying to give me space or whatever...but I'm lonely. I am used to talking to him every day for at least an hour (usually more). He asked me what the rules were and said he would leave it up to me to call. I told him that I would not be calling him, so who knows when we we will talk next. It just feels so weird. He did email me a cute/sweet email saying he wanted to go see The Davinci Code with me this weekend, and then some other stuff about when he is going to the gym. Well, I responded with a pretty brief email in return. I just said that I couldn't see him this weekend, sorry, and that I am not sure if I will see him at the gym or not since I don't know what time I am going to go yet. I'm trying to play it cool and dealing-with-it rather than desperate and crying and I love you and miss you. I want him to realize what he has lost. Not that it really matters. I have convinced myself that it is really over, even though in my heart I don't feel it is possible that it is over. Whatever. Fuck him.
Like I said, things have been busy. We had a pizza party in homeroom and one of my teammates basically yelled at me in front of the kids about it. He is the grumpy team member, but I still didn't appreciate it. I guess that when some kids came in to make announcements that were from another homeroom, my kids snuck them some pizza, so they were *GASP* walking around eating it in the hallway. WHAT ON EARTH CAN WE DO ABOUT ROGUE ROVING PIZZA EATERS? THIS CANNOT BE TOLERATED! AFTERALL, PIZZA IS THE DEVIL AND NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO EAT IT EVER! ESPECIALLY UNAUTHORIZED PIZZA EATERS! ESPECIALLY IN THE HALLWAY! Yeah, my mistake, but seriously...I was not expecting that reaction. I really like my teammate, but man is he grouchy sometimes.
So anyway, the kids ate pizza until they felt sick. We did a five dollar deal from Little Caesar's, so we had 21 pizzas for 25 people. Yeah. So basically everyone had their own pizza. One boy finished his entire box. It was fun, but I doubt I will be doing a pizza party again.
So I had to go back to school last night until 8 PM last night. Luckily, I only missed Elliot's first performance. I really don't care who wins now, but based on last night I think that Taylor is my favorite. Elliot rubs me the wrong way. I can't stand looking at him. Taylor makes a constipated face, but Elliot--sorry, but I just can't deal with his teeth. Teeth are important. He needs to be like Joanie on America's Next Top Model and get those teeth filed and replaced! That would be great. I think he has a decent voice, but he's just not my favorite. Katherine is alright, but I don't love her smiling constantly during her songs.
I went to the gym last night and had a harder time than usual. I did the elliptical for 30 minutes like usual, and then the bike for 15. Last time I did a whole hour of cardio, but this time I couldn't make it. Then I did my usual sit-up machine, arm machine, and inner and outer thigh machine. I need to keep it up. Chad and I were constantly all about the prizes for motivation, and I was supposed to get an mp3 player this Thursday from him for working out consistently for a month since we joined. He said he still wants to give it to me, but I am not sure. It is pretty cool because you can add more memory to it, and it already holds 120 songs, which is good for the gym.
It has been unbearably hot here, which is really unusual. I had to time at the track meet tonight (last meet-the county qualifier) and I was burning up. I am a little pink but not too bad. I love working at the track meets. I have this secret fantasy that I could be a track coach, even though I never ran track in my life. Something about it really appeals to me, though.
Luckily, tomorrow night all I have to worry about is the gym, and then I have a ton of free time this weekend. I am going to be sad without any real plans, but it will be good. I can't remember the last time I had a weekend to myself.
I should probably plan something to stay busy. My roommate seems pretty down for going and doing things together (we've gone for margaritas and drinks twice). I just need to be strong and stay away from Chad! I don't want to be around him in friends mode. Ugh.
I actually ate relatively healthy today. A little too much beef jerky at the track meet, but let's pretend I am on a low carb diet to excuse that transgression. I avoided the donuts this morning and the ice cream bars at lunch, so I'd say I did pretty well.
I miss Chad so much. I hate this. And I hate not having any desire to date again or rebound like I normally do. It's good, but it is also awful not having someone to get over someone with. I need to stop that pattern, but...ugh.
