It doesn't matter how happy I am or how much good I have going on with me, the thing is that I desperately want a boyfriend. All of the time. It's been so long since I had a real boyfriend. I've had a bunch of almost boyfriends, and I had a kind of boyfriend, but it's been so long since I have been able to say, "We."
I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do about it but try to occupy myself, but I am so sick of being alone. I don't know what to do to make things better. I feel like the more I want it the less likely I will get it, but I can't stop wanting it. This desperate need leads to me making bad choices, which leads to feeling disappointed, which leads to me feeling even worse about myself. I am so tired of being disappointed and feeling like a loser. I'm so tired of not feeling healthy enough to be in a relationship, but wanting one so badly. I feel so stuck. I am tired of online dating. I'm tired of not online dating. I'm tired of not having a real connection or spark with anyone, or having so much hurt and disappointment with people that I do have a connection and spark with that it hurts more to be around them.
I know that I may have too high of expectations, but is it too much to ask not to be blown off? Is it too much to ask that someone actually cares about me who has been around for a few months? I am starting to hate men. Seriously.
I'm just sick of it all.
I love my new condo, though, so there's that...sorry I have everything but one thing and it keeps me from being happy.
