I've had a pretty good week. I hung out with Chad and saw Wall-E, which was cute. Things are, as always, a little weird with us. We have only been hanging out as friends for what seems like forever, but I think there are feelings there on both of our parts. I do feel like I am not in love with him anymore, which is a big thing. However, he is kind of flipping out about this Reno thing, even though he has no right. Ugh. I guess some things never change. He hasn't dated since we broke up. It's very strange because I expected that he would, but he hasn't. Anyway, I am not getting sucked back into that situation again.
My friend Eliza had a party the other night and I got to hang out with my friend from work (the girl who was new this year on my team, who I became pretty close with as Scarlett and Nathan began isolating themselves and stopped being my friend). I also got to hang out with our new team leader, who is awesome. I am so excited about her being on our team. It was really fun, and I tried my new plan of not drinking too much and throwing up. That was nice.
The weather here has been gorgeous and warm and wonderful. You can say a lot about Portland's weather, but the summers are the best. This is the most beautiful place in the world during the summer.
I am excited about my trip. My friend Cassandra was weirded out about the fact that I am meeting her friend in Reno, but I guess she warned each of us to be careful. I was actually kind of touched because she warned me to be careful because he is leaving for his PHD program out of the country at the end of the summer and doesn't want me to get attached to him. She said he can be self-centered, too. Well, she warned him that I can get crazy when I drink and can get emotional. But she told Jasmine (my college roommate who also is friends with Cassandra and was at the wedding as well) that she basically told him if he was going to be a jackass he better cut things off right now, and that I am one of her oldest and best friends and if he does anything to hurt me that she will never forgive him. I thought that was incredibly sweet. I am not really worried about it because I don't expect anything to come from it. I just want to do something fun and impulsive so when I do get married and am feeling bored or restless I don't regret not having fun while I was single. I need to appreciate the fact that right now I am single and only have to worry about myself. I can do whatever I want whenever I want...that's a luxury I will not have when I get married and have children. :)
Speaking of marriages...Justin got married too. I still haven't met his insane woman, but now she is his wife. It is so weird to have someone who I was once so close to so far away now. Hopefully one of these days I can meet her. I don't know if I mentioned this before (I haven't been writing much), but HE GAVE HER MY RING. Yes. She doesn't know that, but it will be pretty hard for me to look at it on her finger. It makes me feel sick. Oh well. There are plenty of things that I am so happy I don't have to deal with when it comes to him. I was so unhappy for so much of the time, and I was in denial about that.
I had closure with the P situation a few months ago. We hung out and he put the moves on me. I ended up saying I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He then offered me a friends with benefits type situation in the coldest way...it made me really lose a lot of respect for him. I had already basically rejected him, and then he said that both of us hadn't found who we are looking for, but he wouldn't mind having a physical relationship with me without the emotional. So he told me to my face that I wasn't the one, but he wouldn't mind having sex with me. At that point even if I was interested I wouldn't have been able to do it because it would be like telling him I had no respect for myself. I left. The good thing about that was that I had the answer to my question finally--I had wondered for a while if he was just still hung up on his ex-wife, and if he just wasn't ready for a relationship. I thought maybe after a while he would come to realize that he gave up something really wonderful with me (he acted in our breakup as if it was that way), and when he was ready for a relationship he would come back. BECAUSE THAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN! Ha ha. But I really did feel that way, especially since we had more than one post-breakup times where we hung out and everything was great. Anyway, when he said that he hadn't found the person who he was looking for, it made me realize that he does not think I am the one at all. Obviously, or he would be with me. So...as hurtful as that was, I was finally able to let him go. I haven't seen him since.
The bar that the bar owner worked at has closed. There were noise complaints about the bands playing there, so they were told they couldn't have live music anymore. So someone bought them out and they moved to Gresham. I am not sure if they are opened up there yet. I heard all of this secondhand. Hopefully the bar will reopen and have cool owners. I really liked that it was a neighborhood bar that has a lot of regulars. It makes it fun to see people who you see a lot. We'll see what happens with that. It was weird not getting to say goodbye, but I need to recognize that closure does not always happen.
Hopefully I will have a great time this weekend. :)
