Second week back to school...at least we have a three day weekend coming up! Last week was so much less painful than I thought it would be, coming back from a two week break. The kids were amazingly good all week. Our kids are frighteningly good this year. The other day they were complaining about starting a read aloud book in our homeroom class, and I was just so surprised because they rarely complain about anything! I love them.
I'm still having trouble with the whole having a student teacher thing. It is nice to have one less class to grade for, and to have the free time during that period, but it is really hard to let go. I need to let her experience teaching for the first time and work through her mistakes (and help her as much as I can). But when she does things differently I kind of feel this initial annoyance...I can't explain it. I didn't realize I was such a control freak. Anyway, she is doing a good job teaching her class, I just would like her to be more involved during other times as well. Hmm...
I just know that I am not going to sign up for another student teacher again! Too hard!
What else? My British Boyfriend is trying to find a new place to live since he has to be out of his house soon. It is so depressing and stressful. He is going to look at a few places tomorrow. He may have to rent a room from someone as he has no job or steady income due to the lack of work visa right now. Hopefully that gets taken care of soon. And no, I will not be letting him move in with me. I just know that would be a disaster. When I lived with Justin and he didn't have a job I was so irrationally angry every time I got home from work. So...don't worry.
I am still feeling lots of anger about the whole thing. He did pick up his divorce papers so once he is moved I think that is the next step. It doesn't help that I become an emotional wreck/irrationally angry/sensitive person when I am PMSing. I seriously think that the root of all of my relationship problems tends to happen one week out of the month. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No negative self-talk, but I saw pictures of my stomach on New Year's Eve, and no joke, I look pregnant! I am NOT PREGNANT. At least this wake-up call has led me to go to the gym three days in a row. How many days until it is a habit again? 25? It feels good to work out, so I need to keep it up. I am not even going to bother trying to eat better right now, but working out is a necessity. Luckily, British Boyfriend realized he had gained 13 pounds since last year and is on board with the gym plan, too. What's weird is that usually when I am unhappy with photos it is because of a double chin, big arms, or big hips. This obvious stomach issue is a new one. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess who is pregnant? She hasn't announced it, but my former work BFF and her nightmare of a husband finally got pregnant. She also, oddly, just reached out to me--she sent me this card through a kid saying that she missed our team and hopes that I am well and happy. I wrote back and said that was sweet and that I wish we were still close. Then she replied we should hang out soon. I asked when and never heard back. I expected no less, but I guess something triggered her wanting friends again? Maybe pregnancy? Anyway, I am open to a friendship, but I am not optimistic.
Two people who met their boyfriend at about the same time as I met my British Boyfriend have just gotten engaged--a friend whose blog I read, and a friend of a friend who I have known for years. She is actually the one single friend of Jasmine's who I kind of thought of as similar to me. She is gorgeous but a little crazy and has terrible luck with relationships. So I am super happy for both of these people, who deserve it so much, but have been feeling super sorry for myself. I know British Boyfriend wants to marry me, but I have some doubts, especially with this latest development. Aside from that, even if he wants to get married there are so many things that need to happen first. I am tired of waiting for MY TURN. I am also so scared that I might be doing things for the wrong reason. I am scared that if we break up that maybe he was my last chance for marriage and children. Maybe he is the one for me. I just have doubts. Some people think you just know, while many of those people who just knew end up getting divorced anyway. Some people have told me they weren't sure, but they are happy now. I DON'T KNOW BUT I AM SICK OF WAITING. Everyone is getting married and having babies. Am I meant to be alone? My self-esteem issues have gotten so much better, partly because I have a boyfriend who loves me more than I think anyone has ever loved me, so it's not that holding me back anymore. Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I want to get married and have a family so much. I'm frustrated and impatient.
To top it all off, I am in charge of a work baby shower for my friend. I also seem to be helping with another work baby shower for another friend. GO AWAY PREGNANT AND ENGAGED PEOPLE!
Not too much else is going on. I am getting my wisdom teeth out next month and am terrified. I usually am pretty good about stuff like that, but they are putting me to sleep and told me I need to take a few days off afterward. I am really, really nervous. But the nice thing about having an unemployed boyfriend is that he can take care of me.
