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2002-05-30 - 7:28 p.m. To add to the Wal-mart-is-evil-topic, I got hit on today by a Wal-mart employee. Well, I don't know if he was hitting on me, but he seemed to be flirting with me. I have a student who works at Wal-mart and he was walking with this guy who also works there and the kid says hi and the guy says, "Are you really his teacher?!" I said that I was. Then he said, "I would have never guessed. How are you doing today?" I don't know how you make that into a flirty thing, but he did. Kind of like Joey on Friends with his "How you doin'?" So later on, I run into this guy again and he comes up and starts talking to me about being a teacher. In the course of the conversation he managed to ask me how old I was, whether I was single, and whether all of the students hit on me. I would guess this guy was about 20, but I don't know. Anyway, that was interesting, and I guess flattering. The whole hitting-on-Ms. Boombastic thing doesn't happen very often anymore (Maybe because I am not around people my age much? Maybe because I am turning into a fat cow?), so I have to make note of it. We had our all-school picnic today, which was relaxing and fun. It is an award for the community service the kids do. At first it didn't look like it would be a nice day, but the sun broke out and it was beautiful. The kids had a blast. Next Wednesday I also get to go on the senior picnic. I am so spoiled. I never have doubts about being with Justin when I am physically with him, it's only when I am apart from him. I'm having doubts right now. We'll see what happens. I just wish there was someone who could tell me exactly what to do, and someone to tell me how to know for sure. The idea of spending the rest of your life with one person is outrageous, in a way. Some people say when you know, you just know. I don't just know for sure. I can't imagine life without him, but I also am not sure if I want to go without having the first love feeling for the rest of my life. I'm 24 years old, and I haven't really dated anyone else seriously since I was 16. It seems like deciding at 17 on the person you are going to be with the rest of your life is somewhat foolish. It's also pretty romantic to think about marrying your high school sweetheart. I just don't know. Some people might say that if I don't know after 7 years, maybe I'll never know. Maybe I won't. Maybe it isn't right. But many times it feels perfect. The other thing is that sometimes I feel that perhaps I love him more as a friend. I do feel passionate towards him sometimes, and I am physically affectionate with him, but I am more into the non-sexual contact we have (like cuddling, hugging, etc.) I don't know if this is normal since I don't really have much basis for comparison. I could never be around him and just be his friend, though. If we break up, we aren't going to be friends. The idea of him having another girlfriend makes me physically ill, especially the idea that he could have that new-love feeling with her and think staying with me so long had been a mistake. I hate not knowing the right thing to do. I also haven't been around many people who are in successful relationships, so I don't know how things are for other people. Jasmine and her boyfriend are getting married and she told me that they rarely have sex anymore. They are both so busy and tired. Is that normal? Who knows? I sometimes think maybe I should marry someone like a fisherman who will be gone for awhile at times, because it seems like I like being by myself and having some alone time. When Justin is around he is so attention needy. It's like he consumes all of my time and energy. I bought some sunless tanner at Wal-mart to try out. I'm not sure when I should try it. On the one hand, maybe I should try it soon so that I can have a little color when we go on the senior picnic. On the other hand, if it messes up in some way, then I wouldn't be able to wear shorts or capris, and that would suck. So I don't know what to do. I have never tried this stuff before, but my cousin, who is as pale as I am, says she tried this brand and it worked well and didn't look fake or too dark. I figured I might as well give it a shot. I also bought something called sugar wax, and some random makeup. I also took back my alarm clock and bought a whole new one. After I returned the old one, I saw that the new one took the same kind of batteries. I realized that the old one had a perfectly good battery that I put in it. I felt like such white trash, but I went back to the counter and asked the lady for the battery out of the old clock. HA HA. I tried that new Vanilla Coke. I can't tell you what I felt about it. It was a love/hate experience. I really don't know if I would buy it again or not (if it came in diet). So basically, even mentioning it was pointless. Please excuse me.
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