I've been busy. And when I say busy, I mean I've gone crazy a little bit.
The last time I wrote, I had gone out with two guys, both of whom I liked. I heard from both of them on Monday night. I was worried that I wouldn't hear from the second one (the 24-year-old) that night, but he text messaged me asking me if I was still awake, then he called me and we talked for awhile. It was a very good conversation, and I was starting to like him more. We decided to hang out on Thursday since I had Friday off and he had Thursday night off (remember, he works graveyard). The other guy text messaged me, too.
So the next day was Tuesday, which was the day I had been dreading forever--the day I had to do an inservice presentation. I was doing it with two other people, and it went really well. Everyone knew how nervous I was, and they said I did a good job (my friends said I didn't appear nervous). All of the teams really got excited about the product we were asking them to make, and they came up with some really good stuff. So overall it was a success. I felt really good about that.
The next day we had more inservice and then we had time to work in our rooms. Thursday was also meetings and working in our rooms. My team continued to drive me crazy (we had a "fifteen minute" meeting that ended up being about an hour and a half), but luckily we got some stuff resolved. I did figure out our problem. No matter what, someone (the person varies each time), has a problem that they can't seem to get past. So everyone tries to help that person out and validate their concerns and talk it all through and come up with solutions and alternatives and it WASTES A TON OF TIME. I appreciate it that everyone wants to do that, but sometimes I just want to be like...get over it! It's your issue, let's move on, because everyone else is doing okay with it. It's funny how putting together six teachers on a team can cause so much drama. Part of it is that a lot of teachers are teachers because they like to perform/want to be the center of attention/have strong personalities. So naturally that creates drama. Anyway, we're getting through it and hopefully things will be okay.
But back to the boys. Because that's what this diary is really all about, right? Ha ha. Tuesday I also heard from both of them--boy #1 text messaged and boy #2 text messaged and then I called him. Wednesday boy #1 finally called (he had laryngitis), and we had a good conversation. Boy #2 didn't call, but we had plans the next day anyway. So I had plans with Boy #2 on Thursday and Boy #1 on Friday.
I was looking forward to both dates, but especially the date on Thursday. (Because Boy #2 is cuter and I felt more of a connection with him.) Anyway, we ended up meeting at the Doug Fir at 7 PM. Like I said before, I wasn't completely sure how much he liked me, since he hadn't been complimenting me all the time like the others had on our first date. I thought that he must like me if he wanted to go out again, but he had been going on a lot of these CL dates, so I really wasn't sure what to expect. I'm going to give him a name now, so that should tell you how well the date ended up going--his real name is one of my favorite names ever, but we'll call him Chad. So anyway, we met up at the Doug Fir because that was where we were going to go to listen to live music later on (it was a free show), but we were going to drive downtown together in one car. As soon as we got into the car, he handed me two things. One was the book The Idiot that he had been telling me about that he said he would lend me (Okay, the boy reads Dostoevsky on his own. Am I really supposed to contain myself here?). The second thing was a MIX CD HE MADE ME. As I have mentioned a million times, my ultimate dream and fantasy has always been to have a boy make me a mix cd. HE MADE ME A MIX CD! He was like, "Yeah, there are some songs on there I think you'll like." I tried not to get too excited because I thought maybe it was just a mix he already had that he copied for me because he thought I would like it. This was only our second date, right? But I found out later that he actually made it FOR ME. I'm sorry, but if someone does something like that, I can't help it. I was so gone, and our date was just beginning.
So we ended up going to have sushi at this place that actually has sushi on a toy train. It was pretty good and cute. I was a little bit nervous about things, like I was wondering if we would run out of things to talk about, but I was having fun with him. So anyway, after that part of the date we drove back to the Doug Fir to see the music. He gave me a compliment I've never heard before about how much he likes my pale skin (!) Anyway, we were talking again about CL dates and I said that I hadn't been sure on our first date how he felt about me or if he would want to go out with me again. He was all surprised and wondered why, and I explained about how the other guys had given me lots of compliments. Then we were joking around about my big ego and how he hadn't fawned all over the goddess, and I was like, "No, that's not what I meant!" We kind of have the same sense of humor, so we were laughing the whole time. Anyway, we ended up going to the Doug Fir but the band that was playing right then wasn't that good, so we went back upstairs to have a few drinks until the next band came on. We sat in an area that was basically couches, so that was pretty cool. I had two pretty strong drinks, a blackberry cosmo (unfortunately not as good as it sounds) and a lemon drop. Anyway, I was having such a great time talking to him, and we were talking about everything. I felt so comfortable with him, and I was really open with him about my last three boy experiences and how badly they went. Anyway, I could tell at this point that he really was into me afterall. We started holding hands and stuff like that. We also were talking again about the other dates supposedly fawning over me and he said something nice, so I was joking like, "Oh, so you're finally giving me a compliment, huh?" Then he said something nice (I can't remember) and then he added, "And you already know you're beautiful." Then he gave me one of the best compliments of my life, which was that he said on our first date he kept catching himself just staring at me because he thought I was so beautiful and he had to tell himself to stop. This guy is not at all the Mr. Smooth type guy, either, and he sounded really sincere and sweet, not sleezy when he said that. Anyway, yeah, I know I am such a sucker, but that was such a sweet compliment.
So we never ended up going back downstairs because we were having too much fun talking to each other. He just kept getting closer and closer to me and finally he kissed me, and it was really nice.
Anyway, after awhile we decided we should leave, but neither of us had to work so we decided we should watch a movie. So I said we could go to my house to watch it, and I kind of emphasized that I wasn't inviting him home in THAT WAY. Well, we didn't end up watching the movie. He also ended up spending the night (nothing happened like that, he just slept over, and all we did was kiss). I know, I know. We had a really good conversation about everything and he asked me what I was looking for and I asked him what he was looking for. His answer was the most perfect ever, by the way. He said, "I guess I'm looking for love." I know that you're probably thinking this guy is feeding me lines, but he is one of the most genuine-seeming people I have ever met.
Anyway, back at the Doug Fir, he had asked me what I was doing the next day because he wanted to see this movie with me. I said that I had plans to go on the date with the other CL guy, and he was all disappointed. I also forgot to mention that while I was on my date, the other guy text messaged me FOUR TIMES without me answering. That is such the double-standard, because if a girl did that, the guy would be like, "She's psycho!" So anyway, when we woke up on Friday morning he was still like, "I can't believe you're going on that date with that guy." Then guy #1 called me and left me a message to see if we were still on for the evening. Chad also had another date set for Saturday but he had already said he was going to cancel it (he hadn't met her before). Anyway, I was thinking I would go on the date with #1 and then tell him I wouldn't be able to go out with him again. But I really didn't want to go anymore, especially after all of his text messages and his phone message. I wanted to hang out with Chad. Anyway, I sort of agonized over it for awhile, and then I did a sort of bad thing. I called guy #1 and got his voice mail. So I told him that I had gone out the night before with my ex and it looked like we were going to get back together, and I was really sorry to cancel on him at the last minute since I was looking forward to the date. He ended up calling me back and leaving me a nice message about how it was okay and he understood. So I felt okay about doing that, even though I maybe shouldn't have lied. I just felt a little bit weird about saying that I had gone on a second date with someone else and suddenly didn't want to go out with him again anymore. But I didn't. I don't know. The date with Chad was just so intense and perfect and I just realized...dating multiple people is not my thing. So anyway, Chad and I ended up hanging out the rest of the day until he had to go to work at 10 PM. I just realized, he's really not a Chad, but I can't think of a good name that fits him. I can't call him by his real name because I already used that name up.
Anyway, the thing about him is that I just feel like I can be so completely honest with him. I told him what I was scared of and we just had the best conversations. So anyway...
I knew my friends would be a little weirded out by me JUMPING INTO THINGS again, but I told my friend Mandy about what happened and she just said she didn't want me to get hurt, but she understood. I mean, what is the point of dating? The point is to find someone you like, right? So she got me a little bit worried, but right after we talked that night, Chad called me from work to say hi. He had just spent Thursday night and most of Friday with me, and he still wanted to call and talk to me more. So I felt good about that.
So we decided to see each other on Sunday. We had another really great date on Sunday. We hung out, went to see The 40-year-old Virgin, had some beer, and had Vietnamese food. I just had such a great time with him, and he also made me realize something that was missing with Ben. I really liked Ben and had fun hanging out with him, but I really didn't connect with him on a deeper level. We never really had any intellectual conversations, and he wasn't really an intellectual person at all. Chad is much more intelligent and interested in talking about issues. So that's something that I am really excited about.
The other thing that really made me happy is that Chad wanted to take a picture of me with his camera phone so it would come up when I called. Well, then he made my picture his wallpaper. That was the cutest thing ever. It's so something that I would have done in high school and I love that corny stuff. Anyway, I know I am getting into sappy embarrassing territory, so I need to stop. He makes me feel so special and happy and good. He's so open about his feelings and we just seem to connect with each other so much. I know I rush into things, and I know I get too excited before I really know someone, and I know that it could all come crashing down on me, but I feel like you have to take risks. I can't just go around guarding my heart forever. What's the point? If I get hurt again, I get hurt again. I'm excited about this guy, and I feel like he really might be it. REALLY!!!!!!!
Anyway, we both wanted to see each other again the next day (Monday), so we did. We hung out and had pizza and everything was good again. It's so nice to be with someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me, who wants to talk to me all the time (we talked for THREE HOURS on the phone on Saturday), and who makes me feel good.
The only drawback is that he smokes. That's not good. The other drawback is that he is going to go to Thailand in six months, but that's six months away, and who knows what will happen by then. He was like, "If we're together I'm taking you with me, you have summers off! I'm not leaving you behind."
Anyway, I'm trying to be careful, but I'm having a hard time with it. I'm waiting to have sex with him, of course. If he is really just feeding me lines, he's doing a REALLY GOOD JOB, because he seems so sincere and real.
I'm seeing him tomorrow, and I can't wait. (This entry was finished on Wednesday).
In other news, Jose called me again and invited me to this party he and his roommates are having. I probably won't go. He isn't sure which one of his women he is going to invite. He is such a nightmare. We talked again about his weird obsession with his married girlfriend. He said I should bring Chad with me, but I'm pretty sure Chad doesn't want to go.
I still haven't heard from Ben, and I guess I am giving up. Maybe I will call him and just say hi and see how he's doing, but I just feel like he is not the person I thought he was now. He said he wanted to be friends with me and he obviously doesn't. He hurt me a lot, and I made his stupid ringtone "Just a little Bit" and now whenever I hear that song my heart hurts. Ugh.
School has been fine this week. We had another team meeting today that went okay. There is so much testosterone in our meetings that it is completely out of control. Oh well. The seventh graders came today, and so I am officially excited for tomorrow with the eighth graders. I'm glad we start on Thursday so we only have two days to get through. It should be really fun. I talked to a few of the seventh graders during various supervision duties, and they reminded me of why I love my job. They are so random and weird and silly. I asked one girl how her day was, and she went on and on about how she did not get confused one time. Not even once. Ha ha. They are so cute you just want to hug them and call them sweetie.
Anyway, I am definitely ready for tomorrow, but I am a little bit nervous. It's my sixth first day of school as a teacher. It's completely insane, right?
