I don't have much time as I have to go back to school in a little while for Open House, which is one of my most dreaded school-related activities. I hate dealing with parents, and at this point I don't know any of the kids really. So I'm not looking forward to that. School is going well enough, but I'm still kind of getting my bearings. These ones aren't as sweet as last year's group, but so far there haven't been any major problems. I've pulled a few kids into the hall for borderline disrespect, but overall they've been fine. I just hate the first few weeks because the relationship isn't there and since it's not I always think I don't really like teaching all that much, but once it is there I always like it a lot. The thing is that I still take things too personally. I hate it when a kid hates me for no reason, but I just have to realize that that same kid will love me or at least realize I'm not so bad soon enough, and they are just trying to establish themselves as the bad ass who is fighting the man, you know? I know all that, but it still bothers me. I've had three of these--girls, of course. I have had a few problems with boys, but they are always so contrite when you talk to them about it. I pulled a girl into the hall to tell her she was being disrespectful and when I finished my spiel she seriously looked at me and said, "Are you done?" I said, "Are you kidding me?" Ultimately she argued and argued over the previous thing not being disrespect and that comment not being disrespect, and I said that I was not having the conversation anymore, but that I would not have her in my classroom if she didn't treat me with the respect I treat her with. UGH. I honestly almost laughed when she asked me if I was done and then tried to say no one she associated with would think that was disrespectful. Right after that I saw the social studies teacher basically yell at her in the hallway about the look she gave him. So I am not alone. And the poor kid is a foster kid and she's testing us and all of that, but when will they learn they are just making it harder on themselves by establishing themselves as the badasses right away? Anyway, I will make the prediction right now that she will love me by the end of the year, and so will the other two wannabe-evil children.
There are, of course, many nice happy children on our team. I also have decent class sizes, which is nice. My biggest is 30 and my smallest is 24, so I can't really complain.
The reason I haven't been writing is because I am becoming one of those people who I previously detested--someone who is all wrapped up in their perfect new relationship that is so much fun and is going so well and it makes you want to throw up. I'm spending so much time hanging out with Chad, and when we don't see each other we spend way too much time talking on the phone, and things really are wonderful. Yeah, we've only been seeing each other for two and a half weeks, but everything has been pretty amazing. I feel so close to him. I am scared, but I feel like we are so honest with each other about stuff. I really feel like I can trust him (danger danger, I know). I just keep feeling like this is what is is supposed to be like. And maybe it won't work out, but maybe it will, and that's all that I can do. I'm not freaking out and obsessing about it, because for one thing, I am busy with school. For another thing, I spend so much time with him I don't have time to worry about it.
Anyway, he's so sweet to me and seems to like me so much. He calls me baby which is such a weakness for me. I loooooooooooove being called pet names. I can talk to him for hours about nothing. Um, I want to have his babies.
I know I'm hopeless, but I don't care. Not to take relationship advice from Jose the king of non-relationships, but he was like, "You need to stop spending so much time with him! You'll get burnt out!" I'm a romantic, though, and I think we'll be just fine. I don't want a boyfriend like Jose or Ben who is perfectly satisfied seeing me once or twice a week. What the hell is that?
Oh, I guess that things finally seem to have ended with Jose's married girlfriend. He also got annoyed with one of the other girls, so he called me for some positive affirmation advice. He decided to swear off women for awhile and knew I would think that was a good idea for him. He also made me discuss Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with him for over a half hour, because he just saw it for the first time and is totally obsessed with it.
He calls me about once a week now, which I guess is okay, but I'm not sure.
I miss my friend Mandy. Since school started we are both so busy that we barely get to see each other, but we are going to happy hour tomorrow. Chad might come out and meet her, too. I'm excited because she never met Jose or Ben.
My mom moved to Corvallis because she found a job there. I am really, really sad. She lived right down the street from me, so this is really sad for me. I miss her coming over and watching Lost with me, and when it starts again I will miss watching American Idol. I'll probably see her every few weeks, but it's not the same. I am happy she found a job there, but I am worried that she will end up not liking Corvallis enough or something. Hopefully she will find her niche there.
She has had such a hard time in general. She has always seemed dissatisfied whenever it comes to jobs and is constantly changing for various reasons. She has had a crazy amount of jobs. I'm getting worried about her retirement, you know? I just want my mom to be happy, even if it means she finds a relationship. She has only dated a few people in the entire time I have been alive, so the idea of her dating someone is really weird for me and kind of grosses me out. But I want her to be happy. Her whole world was me for so long, but now I am a grown up. She needs to have someone else, too.
I am running on so little sleep right now. Last night I went out to see Chad's friend's band, and then he spent the night and we stayed up until about 2 AM. So it really sucks that I have to go do the Open House thing. He's coming over afterwards, too. He has Wednesday and Thursday nights off, so that's why he spends the night those nights...
When Ben and I first started going out he mentioned that he thought I was beautiful a few times. He complimented me a few times. Then I could never get a compliment out of him. He just wasn't very demonstrative in that way, and it made me obsessed with trying to get a compliment. I would dress up and look really great and he wouldn't say a word. I would compliment him all of the time. Nothing! We didn't have very much in common, either, and we never had a deeper connection (other than in a sexual way). Now, with Chad, I have all of these things that I was missing with Ben. He makes me feel so amazing and special and he compliments me all the time on things that I have never been complimented on. I'm not completely over Ben, but I realize that I just kept wanting it to be like it was the first few weeks that I knew him, and it wasn't ever going to be like that again. I hope that things with Chad last. I know that in relationships things are not always perfect, and guys aren't going to always remember how much we need to be complimented and the passion won't always be as much as it is in the beginning, but I just have such a good feeling about this.
And the other thing is that last year Nathan didn't get me anything for my birthday...and I don't have to worry about that because Chad was already asking me about present ideas. I feel bad for him that he has to have the first gift thing since that is kind of a lot of pressure, but I don't care what he gets me. I just want a present, you know? :)
I haven't heard from my cousin since all of the kids in her perfect relationship came back into the picture. I assume that no news is good news since she has been MIA for awhile. Hopefully everything is going well.
