current

archives

profile

cast

disclaimer

notes

guestbook

guestbook #2

booklist

concert list

rings

regulators

host

credits

2003-12-08 - 4:38 p.m.

Everyone was very nice about the whole thing, but then I don't even know who all was still left at the time that I got sick. I haven't seen any of the administrators, and two of them were there (I'm not sure if they were still there at the time). It's really great not knowing if you said things to offend or insult people. I thought for the most part I was being pretty good. I talked to one of the only people who I thought I might have said something inappropriate to, and she said she had been having a great time with me before I was sick. She was very sweet about the whole thing, as were the other three people I saw that I remembered being at the party at that time. My teammate said to forget about it, and that nobody cared. The girl whose party it was said that I had to stop apologizing and that it was forgotten. I still felt like shit all day, and like I was about to burst into tears any minute. I just think it is horrible that I can't remember what I said to people, because I seem to say whatever pops into my head when I have had too much to drink. I also just don't like the feeling of thinking that people might be talking badly about me.

I have to decide whether or not to go to the Christmas party by tomorrow. On the one hand I really dread going, but on the other hand maybe I can redeem myself. NO ALCOHOL, of course.

Justin went to his brother's last night, and I really want him here. My mom came over last night and brought me food and stuff. I told her what happened and she felt bad for me.

I know that I should just try to get over this and move on, because there is nothing I can do about it now. I am just someone who is so emotionally sensitive that I can't deal with things like this very well. I am really shy and have a hard time getting to know people, and I do my best to never, ever embarrass myself or do the wrong thing. When something goes badly for me I can't help obsessing over it non-stop. Not being able to trust myself is really hard. Everyone being so nice has helped, but I still can't let it go.

Thank goodness there are only two weeks until Christmas break. I need to get out of here.

previous - next