I guess I'm making progress when I can listen to Jack Johnson without feeling nauseous. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't clinch every time I see her. It's just so much easier to hate her than to hate him. I hate him, too, though.
I have come to the slow realization that I am never going to be friends with him again. I need to get my swimming suit back. I wish that I had never, ever gotten involved with him so we could still be friends. This is one case when I guess the risk wasn't worth the small payout I got.
Why is it so hard to get over these kinds of things? I'm not on his mind at all, and here I am still heartbroken at the end of February. It's disgusting.
Anyway, enough about that. I'm over being sick. I still have the hacking smoker's cough, but other than that I'm fine. I had a fun weekend. I spent a ton of time with my not-boyfriend (and I don't mean Justin). Screw it, let's call him Jose. So anyway, I don't know what to think about him. I like him a lot and everything seems great between us most of the time. Except for our one freak out incident we have never had the slightest disagreement or argument. We get along so well. I don't know if he is the one for me, but I'm having fun right now. The problem is that whenever I start to feel comfortable I start feeling him backing away, and I don't know if it is me being scared, or if that is really how he is. Then if I start pulling away, he is coming on stronger than ever. So, obviously, I know how to play things so that he stays interested, but it is exhausting to try to worry about it. I don't want to have to think about it. He referred to us as a couple on Sunday, though, and I think it's pretty pathetic that I hung onto that the way that I have. So I am invested even if I'm trying not to be. I also met his crazy dog and his new roommates this weekend. And as much as I avoid mentioning my sex life on here, just in case someone finds me who shouldn't, I have to say that sex with him is the most amazing sex I have ever experienced in my life (not like I have a vast amount of experience in that area, but still). I can't believe how compatible we are. It's as if we were meant to be having sex with each other. Ha ha.
So that's that. I can't believe it is March. I'm going to be doing writing scoring this spring break to make some extra money. So that sucks, but also should be fine. It's got to be less exhausting than teaching 13 year olds all day, right? My friend Ava (you seem like an Ava, I hope you don't hate that name!) is going to do it, too, which should be cool.
Also, Ava told me about this crazy method she has to get all these free songs and I am all signed up now and making all of these cds now. Now I'm going to be on the computer even MORE, but it is so cool! Go download "Whatever it Is" by Ben Lee right now. I love that song so much. I made such a good mix cd earlier. I'm resisting making a mix cd for Jose because I'm too nice to him as it is. And as you know, a mix tape or cd is my dream present from a boy. I'm still hoping...
School is going pretty well except for my one class that has become the-worst-class-ever. Funny how that works out. I felt like yelling today, and I am a non-yeller. I know it's the end of the day but they need to learn how to actually be quiet. The whole lot of them need to learn how to stay in their seats, too. It is getting so ridiculous. Spring Break can't come soon enough right now.
Positive things: more kids have given me Hello Kitty pictures (they draw them themselves, isn't that adorable?), one kid wrote a hilarious personification story about me and a fox, and we go out to breakfast tomorrow for our meeting. What else? My not-boyfriend called and sang to me today, which was incredibly corny and insane, but I kind of loved it anyway.
And tomorrow is Wednesday, and I have the rest of the week planned out. Nice.
