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2002-05-31 - 11:10 p.m.

Wow, second entry of the night. I wanted to discuss something that has been bothering me since yesterday.

I don't remember if I ever mentioned that the PE teacher at my school is 40+, and for awhile last year seemed to be hitting on me. Anyway, he made me really uncomfortable for awhile, but then I stopped caring and we seemed to get along fine. I usually even sit by him in the staff room now at lunch. Well, yesterday he said a small comment to me that bothered me at the picnic. Everyone was walking back to the buses and he said, "Why aren't you smiling?" I didn't know he was talking to me, and he said, "Why aren't you smiling, ENGLISH TEACHER?" What the hell? I said, with a semi-smile on my face, "I don't have to smile." But it really bugged me. Here's why:

When I'm by myself at a store, minding my own business shopping, sometimes a random guy will say something to me like, "Smile!" or "Don't look so happy!" or "Where's your smile?" Some random man, who doesn't know me, feels he has the right to comment on my lack of a smile. (And really, how many people do you know who go around smiling as they are grocery shopping alone--"Oh, I think I will choose the Bounty Papertowels today, what a happy day this is!") As if, because I'm a female, I am supposed to go around looking smiley, happy, and pretty every second, or random men can comment. Because these jerks apparently think it is their business whether or not I smile. I have never once had this type of comment made to me by a female, whether I know them or not. Once in awhile I will have this sort of comment made by someone I do know, but it is a male. I have never made any sort of comment to any man about his smile, or lack thereof, and never would presume to act that way to a stranger. I am far from being a man hater, I love men, but I hate the way some of them act sometimes. It's not fair that I can't be a private person in a public place.

Luckily these kinds of things don't happen as much anymore, but when I was a teenager it seemed I couldn't go anywhere without some male making some sort of comment to me about my appearance or something. It happens to ugly girls all the time, too, so it's not even something to be flattered about. It just pisses us off and makes us sick, so please just don't say anything to us. I mean, it is one thing to try to meet someone and talk to them in an appropriate setting (a bar or club, if you think that's appropriate) but to just make random comments to random strangers at places like the grocery store is just pointless. And you know what, I don't have to smile for you, because you're not my friend, and I could care less what you're thinking about me.

Thank you.

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