Wow, it's been a long time, huh? Sorry about that. You know when I'm not writing it's that I am (mostly) happy.
Last school year was horrific, though. The kids were nightmarish. In all of my years of teaching (and this is my TENTH), this was the worst batch of children ever. I have had other "bad" groups--one group of sophomores and another 8th grade class. But these children, together, were the worst. The weird thing was that in the mix were a bunch of really sweet kids as individuals, but when you put them all together they were a big pain. You could just see a difference watching them walk down the hallway--my colleague did the funniest impression of them. They literally could not walk down the hallway like human beings. It was like they were these weird fleshy beings with no control over their own bodies--they couldn't stop touching, hitting, punching, pinching each other. Anyway, glad that is over!
I didn't even mean to talk about that. I used to do an after school homework help club two days a week, and last year I just started hating it. I felt like I spent all day trying to get kids to do their work, and then two days a week I had to spend another hour trying to get them to do their work. I had done this for three or four years, and I was so done. So I got someone else to take over the club and started an awesome new club that I am super excited about: Fitness Club. This club has seriously been the highlight of my school year. I have 7-8 girls from my team every Thursday. We go outside and walk/run around the track to warm up and then we come inside and do various fitness videos. I bought ten fitness balls and wrote a grant to get more equipment (I hope I get it--I find out in December). So far we have done a fitness ball video (and if you want to laugh, try rolling around on fitness balls with seven thirteen year old girls). We also have tried a hip hop dance video, which is totally outside of my comfort zone, but I did it so the girls would see it doesn't matter if you can't dance--you can still get a good workout. Bollywood dancing was really fun, but yoga today was not a big hit. The girls gave up about halfway through, so I taught them some new ab exercises that I have learned from classes at the gym. Their favorite one was called Stir the Cookies. The girls are mainly Latina, so they all talk nonstop in Spanish, and they are just so cute. The day after our first class they ran up to me and asked me if my sides were sore from Fitness Club. I've also got two girls who have multiple F's to sign up, so hopefully having something positive to do after school will be a good influence on them.
The reason I bring this up is because since it is a Sun Community School class, the kids get a snack. Today it was animal cookies and juice. One girl said that she could only have two of the cookies and then said that she needed to lose some weight (a totally average looking thirteen year old). I said that she looked just fine the way she is because she does, but I have been thinking about it all evening. I decided to do Fitness Club partly because with the economy/budget cuts/crap they cut all sports but track at the middle school this year. I also wanted to influence kids to try to be healthy and active. And finally, I knew that guaranteed that I would work out that day, too. I have been struggling with my weight/eating/exercise lately. I was so sad hearing my student saying she was fat, and I recognized myself and how much I constantly think about my weight and how much I exercise and how much I eat. I am sick of it. I did gain some weight, and I don't fit into my clothes the same way, but I am definitely not overweight. I have an unrealistic expectation/goal for myself that I have been trying to adjust. The last time I weighed 135 pounds I was miserable and depressed and didn't eat enough. I can't weigh 135 pounds and be healthy and happy.
So although I am continuing to try to eat healthier and exercise more, I am going to try really hard to stop thinking about it all the time. I am going to try really hard not to beat myself up if I eat something unhealthy or skip exercise. I am going to stop talking about wanting to lose weight because I don't want that for my students. I want them to be fit and healthy, but I don't want them to have a messed up body image like I do. I don't want them to have an unhealthy relationship with food like so many women do.
Oh, and to make up for our horrific year last year, we have WONDERFUL students this year. I am spoiled with adorable, sweet, teacher-pleasing, fun, smart kids this year. They aren't perfect, but they are awesome and I love them. I feel so lucky.
I also have a student teacher who is from the program that I was in, so she will be with me the entire school year. I am trying to be a better mentor to her than mine was for me, and it is such a tricky relationship. She is going to take over one of my classes for the rest of the year starting in December, and then in April she will take over 3/4 of my teaching load!!! Ack! I am having a hard time with that already. We are at that point in the school year where they are really "MY kids" and I know them pretty well. I have to give up one class and not even really be a part of that class any more. She has only taught one lesson and she is enthusiastic and thoughtful and fun and earnest, but I am scared to give them up! She is going to be showing me her lesson plans next week so maybe that will make me feel more secure. I gave her all of my lessons but told her that as long as she is teaching the standards that need to be covered during that time, she can choose different stories or text. We'll see what she ends up doing.
Another thing that has been hard has been the pressure to help ELL and SPED kids perform well on the state tests. Our district's ELL population is constantly growing, and (surprise, surprise) kids whose first language is not English often don't do so well on tests that are written in English. We all use ELL strategies in our classrooms but it is not enough. In teaching, it seems, nothing we do is ever enough. I love having such a diverse population of students. I hate feeling like I am failing them. I need to do better. I have to do better. Of course, it would be wonderful if we were given some guidance and tools to help us be better teachers. After ten years of teaching I have become a little disillusioned about multiple things.
My love life is great...I have found someone who loves me and shows it all the time. I am still scared about the future, but I can picture myself marrying him and having babies with him. :)
And that's that. I am sorry I have been such a bad updater, but I'm not making any promises! :)
