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2002-03-29 - 6:38 p.m. I just found something that made me remember exactly why it was that I loved my English teacher from my junior year so much. I was thinking about how I'd like to have the seniors do some sort of "senior memories" project during the last few weeks of school. One of the assignments I thought of was having them write a letter to themselves later in life describing exactly what their life is like right now: who their friends are, what their classes are like, what their hopes and dreams are, etc. I was thinking I could write a letter to myself about what my life is like as an example for them (and incorporate details about them since they love that kind of stuff). Then I was thinking I could go back and include some of what I was going through my senior year in the letter as well. That led me to pull out some of my old journals, and among them I found a reading journal that I had completely forgotten about. I guess one of my assignments junior year was to read half an hour each night and write about what I was reading. It looks like I was supposed to include personal connections and quotes from the books. Well, you can guess how fascinating it was for me to read this journal. I was reading the most random stuff, some of it under Mr. B's influence, but I didn't remember reading a lot of these things. I can't get over how opinionated I was. I think I really was a better writer in high school than I was now. One of the stories I wrote about was a story called "Lust" by Susan Minot. I totally do not remember this story, but I really want to reread it. What is most interesting are some of the stories I wrote that are my personal connections. These are a few of my entries I found sort of funny: 11-18-93, I read a short story in this book my mom bought me which is by Northwest writers. The story I read was dumb. It was called "Friends and Fortunes" by Linda Hogan. I couldn't seem to find a point. I like things to have a point. 11-22-93, I just read a weird story by Joyce Carol Oates. It seems like she was trying to impress us with her large vocabulary. It also had no point and, even worse, it was one of those cut off endings where they leave you to imagine what happens. It's their story, why can't THEY end it? 11-24-93,It's called "Lust" by Susan Minot. It's all about sex but it's so...honest. And it's one of those stories you just understand and feel. Some parts were: "Songs went with whichever boy it was." "So I'd go because I couldn't think of something to say back that wouldn't be obvious, and if you go out with them, you sort of have to do something." and "I never saw him again after that but I thought, I could have loved that one." Arianna and Justine met Eric, Jermaine, and Jason. Arianna liked Eric and Justine Jermaine. Justine always went for the louder, funnier, ruder, "leader" of the group when there were three guys. So they wanted me to be with Jason who I did not like. He was trying though. At the end everyone was kissing and Jason knew I probably didn't like him so he hugged me and I felt like I should kiss him or something so I kissed his cheek. Later they said I was playing hard to get and leading Jason on, but I was trying to be nice. That's what the story reminded me of. One of the things that strikes me about the things I told Mr. B through papers and through my reading journal was that I was willing to tell him anything (on paper). I never really had a teacher like that before, which is so interesting because on the surface he didn't seem like the kind of teacher that would be someone a 16 year old girl would be so open with. He was probably 45 or 50, looked really conservative, kind of struggled with the class sometimes. I remember him yelling only one time, but other times you could tell he was pissed. I think it was really because of his comments on my first few papers that I was able to feel that I could be completely honest. Honestly, I don't know how he found time to write the kinds of comments he wrote for me. Sometimes it would only be a few words per paper, but I never feel I have enough time to really respond to my kids' the way he did. The funniest, most ironic comment was his comment at the end of the journal, "A+ A+ A+ Your journal is fascinating. I want to read Gilbert Grape and Fifth Chinese Daughter. I like very much your thinking about how the writers do what they do--Pike capturing a woman's point of view or notes back and forth as a writing method, etc. Keep this notebook so you can see what you used to be like." It was just funny after going through and reading a lot of it, thinking about how I was in high school, to see him say that. Other comments were on what he was reading, and about his thoughts about women writers. He was just such an awesome teacher! I can't believe the impact he has had on me. And I know I have probably mentioned him before, but seeing his comments again are really inspiring. I sort of want to write him a letter but I feel a little strange about it. As mentioned, I was reading the most random stuff. I was reading everything from Christopher Pike to Stephen King to Toni Morrison (my first exposure to The Bluest Eye was when I borrowed the book to Mr. B's shelf, same with Night). I also read Do or Die about LA Gangs, apparently because one of my friends--who said he had been in a gang before he moved to Oregon--was reading it. I wonder what makes one the kind of teacher that kids open up to like that? Some of my students are like that with me, others aren't. What makes the difference? I even remember writing a "story" for him about a girl (me) who got drunk with one of her closest guy friends and another girl and the guy ended up feeling her up. It was all about how I felt about my friend doing that and how it changed the friendship when I really didn't want him to do that. I am still amazed that I wrote that for my English teacher, you know? Pretty crazy. And the thing that must have seemed strange for him was that I was pretty quiet in class. I only spoke up once in awhile during discussion and rarely talked to him one-on-one. The secret lives of teenagers, I guess. Well, it's been fun reminiscing about Mr. B and feeling somewhat inadequate as a teacher (particularly since I am doing this reminiscing instead of concentrating on planning, bad teacher). I had better go back to trying to plan my senior memories unit.
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