I discovered the secret to getting myself motivated to actually read my library books. Anytime that someone puts a hold on one, meaning that I can't renew it again, I frantically begin reading and finish it up. It's happened with two books now. I started reading User by Blake Nelson tonight, because I thought I had to return it for a hold. Apparently, when someone puts a hold on a library book it puts a hold on everyone who has a copy. So if someone else returns it, then you try to renew it again, it lets you. So that's what happened, and now I have longer than I thought to read User. My point? None, really. It seems like a good book, though. I love, love, love books that are set in Portland. I was a little weirded out by this book, though, because this guy is over 21 but he still attends Quest, which is this underage club. I don't know anyone who does that (I haven't been to this place since I was 16), but I guess it is supposed to be like he DJed there, so he still hangs out because of that. I guess the author just lost a little credibility with me, because who hangs out at the Quest? Hmmm.
I think I'm over my funk. Justin went to his brother's for the night, which is why I am on here. I never have any time for the Internet anymore. That is definitely a good thing.
I'm going to be observed a lot earlier than I ever have been, and it will be by the female vice principal. I like her, and I think it will be okay, but I'm not used to it. I haven't been observed by a female since I was student teaching--both the principal and vice principal at my old school were males. Also, I never was observed until around March, because that's when they have to send the evaluations in. So that's different. I hope I do okay, but I feel more confident. It really sucks that I am back to being a probationary teacher, though, because I just got to be a non-probationary teacher at my old school. The principal has come to my room three different times to tell me or ask me questions, and each time the kids have been just fine. I still hate having anyone else in the room, though. I wonder when I will be confident enough to get over that feeling.
I guess part of my funk is my general feeling of enjoying myself, but not REALLY enjoying myself as a teacher. I like the kids, I don't mind teaching, I like the lesson planning okay (except when I'm brain dead), and I hate the grading. I sometimes feel overwhelming love for the kids. I sometimes feel overwhelming excitment for our discussion. But I don't have an undying enthusiasm for what I'm teaching. I don't hate it, but I'm not feeling like there's NOTHING else I'd rather be doing. I'm glad when it's time to go home and be done. I don't think that it's unnatural to feel that way, but at the same time...I just am not sure. I can rationalize it all that I want. Rationally, it's probably because I'm at the point where I'm starting to know what I'm doing. I don't get the high of survival because I'm at a place where I know I can survive. So now what?
There's been a lot of baby talk lately. Yesterday, a member of my team mentioned that he and his fiance are going to start trying for a baby a month after they get married. Today we found out that a few different people are pregnant at school. I just got back on the pill after not being on it for awhile, and we were less than careful during the first few weeks (I can't remember how long you are supposed to use an "alternate form of birth control.") I just had this feeling that I would get pregnant. I was going to skip the period pills (you can do that, and I thought I would start doing it since I am such a raging bitch from PMS that I can't even stand myself), but then I thought I better not just to make sure that I am actually not pregnant. Well, I got my period today. I don't want to be pregnant, but for some reason I was slightly disappointed. I had actually started to think it wouldn't be so bad, and I had actually started to imagine it all. I've never been overly into little kids or cute little clothes, but I guess my biological clock is starting to tick. Part of me is happy (because I was beginning to wonder if I would ever want to have kids), but part of me thinks it is kind of pathetic.
I ordered The South Beach Diet and I might end up trying it when it arrives. I was something like 179 of 200 on the waiting list at the library, so I just gave up and bought it. I feel like a fatty mcfatty so I have to do something. If I can get Justin to go on it with me, I'm set.
My birthday was low-key. I liked the pasta place, and we went to Harvey's Comedy Club, and the comedians were funny. I was disappointed because they used to have these bigass fishbowl drinks that you could get and share, but they got rid of them. I don't know why. Maybe the audience got too out of hand. We ended up going to another bar afterward and just stayed up late and talked. It was Mark, Justin and me (yes, it is grammatically correct to say it that way!) I am becoming an old woman or something because I never feel like drinking that much anymore. I had fun, though. On my actual birthday my mom came over and made my favorite meal, and we had cake. I got some good gifts, too. I got a new jacket, new jeans, a framed picture, a bunch of collage frames for photos, a popcorn maker, the new John Mayer CD,three books, and two DVDs. I don't want to be 26, though.
We've really gotten into the Joe Schmo show on SPIKE TV. It's just so funny watching the guy react to the people around him. I can't wait to see what happens when he finds out they are all actors. It's horrible, but so much fun at the same time. I somewhat wonder if there will be a twist like he knew all along, but I hope not.
Tomorrow is my dreaded eighth period class. They were actually pretty good yesterday. If there is anything good to say about eighth period, it is that they actually use their energy for good sometimes. We were reading the short story and they got really into it and laughed at all of the funny parts, while my other classes sit through them in silence (or a few smarties titter softly.) Hopefully they will use their powers for good tomorrow instead of evil.
My ninth period kids are my darlings, and they know it, too. They are such a bunch of sweethearts that I sometimes can't believe my luck. When we went to the library today I was dying to tell the librarian proudly that they were my best class. I held it in, though.
Baseball is on nonstop here, but I only have a vague idea of who is playing. I hate baseball.
