To tell you how lazy I have been on my vacation I can summarize it with a haiku:
Went to Taco Bell
in my pjs, what am I
a college student?
So not only have I broken my first New Year's Resolution on the first day of the New Year (stop eating out so much), I also showed the true extremes of my laziness when I decided to not take the five seconds to change out of my pajamas and snuck downstairs hoping no one would see me (no one did). Too bad my New Year's Resolution wasn't WRITE KICK-ASS HAIKU! Because then I would be doing pretty good.
In honor of my friend K I will now proceed to tell you my detailed Taco Bell menu habits. The reason why this is in honor of her is because last night we tried to go to Taco Bell for another alcohol fueled Taco Bell extravaganza. In fact, we tried to go to two. I am appalled to say that Taco Bell is not in its usual state of openness on New Year's Eve at 2 AM. So instead of getting to spend another fun-filled session of eating Taco Bell and talking about how sometimes a Meximelt is unexpectedly just what you wanted, even though you forgot it even existed for about five years, we went to her house and talked about boys with heavy hearts and empty stomaches. I AM ON FIRE with poetic words tonight, aren't I?
So, as I was saying, I thought I would enlighten you on my Taco Bell menu habits. Usually what I order is two crunchy tacos (the crunchy ones are the best, don't even mess with the soft tacos, or if you do, try a crunchy taco again just for me to see if you didn't remember it being as good as it really is) and a cheese quesadilla minus green chilies. If you forget to minus the green chilies you will be in big trouble because it renders the quesadilla completely inedible. I also order the large sized Taco Bell Diet Pepsi (sometimes the extra-large if I am extra- thirsty). There is something especially good about Taco Bell pop. It is probably the best fast food pop around, and I should know. Now that is my usual order, and I always ask for mild sauce to go with it. If they forget the mild sauce, it pisses me off and ruins my whole Taco Bell experience. Crunchy tacos must have mild sauce. Quesadillas must have mild sauce. Anyway, that being said, I always eat my Taco Bell in a particular order. First crunchy taco #1, then the quesadilla, and then I follow it up with crunchy taco #2. The crunchy taco is my favorite, so I like to begin and end with it.
My second favorite Taco Bell order is the plain nachos (aka chips and cheese by certain people), the pintos-and-cheese, and a crunchy taco. I like dipping the plain nachos into the pintos-and-cheese, and I end the meal with the crunchy taco. Unfortunately, tonight I thought I would be all experimental and different and ordered a seemingly random combination of items. First, I remembered how good that Meximelt was last time, so I thought I'd get another one. Then I was attracted by the large picture of fiesta potatoes (It's in the picture! It contains potatoes! It must be good!) and finally I topped it all off with a crunchy taco. I have to say I was not too impressed with this Taco Bell order, and I should have known better than to deviate from the norm. They also completely forgot to give me mild sauce, but luckily the crisis was diverted when I checked the bag before exiting the drive-thru.
What a way to start off the new year, right? I'd say so.
So...I am so happy that 2004 is gone. 2005 is going to be a wonderful year, and these are the predictions that I am making for myself and others:
1. I will get over Nathan and forgive him for breaking my heart.
2. Nathan and his new woman will break up, and he will realize that it's not a good idea to date people at work. Or he won't, but no one will be left to date him at work.
3. I will spend a lot of time with friends and family.
4. I will not get my heart broken, but I might break one to four. HA HA.
5. My friend K will finally find the right guy.
6. I will have a happy year.
Okay, my New Year's Eve was pretty good, and I did actually have someone to kiss (!) I ended up going out with my friend K and her friend and the guy I am sort of seeing or dating. Then my sister Madison, her friend and boyfriend and their friends met up with us later on that night. We ended up going to a place with live music that was pretty cool. I had fun but at the same time felt pretty weird the whole time about the guy. I still don't know what to think and things seem to be moving more quickly than I want them to, and he seems pretty into me and I am like ? not sure. He is totally nice and polite and sweet and tall but...I'm not sure if I like him or what. I was kind of aloof which seems to make him even more intrigued or maybe not? Who knows. Anyway, I did totally kiss him makeout style at midnight and my sister was all, "How was that?" and I felt like a dirty ho. Not really, but maybe a little bit.
I totally loved my sister's new boyfriend and told him I liked him more than the last boyfriend. He also was truly adorable telling me how deeply he feels for her. And she has told me the same about him, so I really feel confident about this relationship. The last boyfriend was nice, but I just didn't think he was the right one for her. Oh, I also babbled on about how cute she is, and how it has totally raised my self-esteem since I look like her. In retrospect, I kind of told both the guy and my friend K that I looked a lot like her, and then later I proudly pointed out how cute she is to them, too, and so now I am like, "Does everyone think I am big headed since I think she is so cute and I think I look exactly like her and so therefore you could conclude that I think I am supercute as well?" See, this is the kind of stupid shit I worry about. The other fun thing about my sister's new boyfriend is that he said that she likes me a lot, which made me happy because who knows. He also did not have any weird southern accent so I don't know what was up with that. I kept waiting for him to say fajita but he never did.
So I was looking at the New Year's pictures on my sister's site, and I guess I haven't seen a picture of myself for a while. Part of it is that the pictures were from the waist up, and my waist up is my non-problem area anyway, and I was also wearing black, which everyone knows is slimming. But I looked pretty thin! I have been obsessively looking at the pictures over and over trying to figure out if it is the angle or if I am really looking that thin. On the plus side, at least my head looks bigger because my head is the size of a coconut in real life. Actually, there is no minus side to looking thin, so I was pretty pleased with that whole thing. Can this entry be any more self-absorbed? Why yes, it can.
I also did my duty of encouraging my sister's friend to break up with her boyfriend. I don't know if she is buying it, though. I was also having some retrospective longing for the nice guy I already have, Justin, but K made me snap out of it by saying do you really want to be with someone who punched a hole in your door. No, that particular quality is not my favorite...although punching two things (and not punching me) in nine years is not the worst record. However, there is a REASON WE BROKE UP.
It's breaking my heart though, because he knows I have gone on a few dates, and there is nothing I can do differently and it is killing him. I wish I could make him feel better, but I can't get back together with him without being sure, and I am pretty sure I will never be sure, so therefore I can't do it. And I've told him all that, blah blah, neverending cycle. And he refuses to talk to anyone else about what he is going through because he has talked to me about these kinds of things for the past nine years and doesn't feel comfortable sharing it with anyone else. Mark and Elizabeth are punks anyway, and just went off and did their own New Year's thing without inviting Justin and his brother--their roommates. So Justin had a crappy New Year's, and I know it's not my problem, but it sucks. I just want him to go out and meet people and have fun and meet some non-punkish friends, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm trying to be there for him, but it's really pretty difficult when I can't do anything or say anything to help, and it's me who is causing him this pain.
All I want is to have fun, go on dates with people, not have a relationship, not have my heart broken, not break anyone's heart, etc. etc. etc. I don't want drama and I don't want to worry about who likes who more and blah blah blah.
And I'm still not over Nathan, and I made K talk with me about it AGAIN and felt like a pathetic loser AGAIN, and apparently he is still all happy with his new woman because he SUCKS. I made a whole list of reasons why I'm glad that I am not with him. I will spare you the details because it is not worth the trouble of typing them out. K lent me that he's not that into you book so we'll see if it lives up to the hype. She is such an awesome friend. I can't believe I got out of driving, yet again, because she is trying to watch her budget and therefore didn't want to drink. I owe her at least two designated driver businesses. I need to come up with a nickname for her in here but nothing fits but her real name. Funny how that works out.
Oh, my apartment is merging with the apartments next door which means we can use their pool and exercise room. I don't remember what it was like, though, so it is probably dinky and not to be excited about, but I guess I will check it out.
So...year in review. I survived my first year as a middle school teacher. I went to Europe. I got engaged. I went to Las Vegas. I made some really wonderful new friends. I broke up with Justin. I got into a horrible rebound relationship. I got my heart broken. I started "dating" someone. Interesting year! I'm glad it is over, and I guess it is cool that it ended on a high note.
