I'm feeling pretty down right now. Saturday ended up being a pretty crappy day. Yes, along with the rest of the nation, we have been dealing with unbearable heat here. I am surviving okay for the most part, but it meant that I didn't work out on Friday or Saturday. Anyway, Saturday was crappy. I hung out with Chad because we were supposed to see a movie and he was supposed to give me my new monitor (he got a new one a while ago, so I am taking his old one which is bigger and better than the one that I had). Anyway, he ended up calling me and asking me to come over to his house so that we could go out to dinner with his brother and girlfriend. I said no because I didn't want to hang out with another happy couple and then be the loser who is still hanging out with her ex-boyfriend who doesn't want to be with her. I also said no because I didn't want to drive out there. Then I said yes because I am a pushover who does whatever Chad wants. So things were off to a great start.
Anyway, we went out to sushi, which hurt my stomach and so I could not have ice cream afterward when we went out to ice cream. It was fine, but it was so hot and I wasn't having the best time in general, probably because I started off grouchy. Then I got to watch Chad's brother's girlfriend cut his hair (she's in beauty school). That meant that it was too late to go see a movie. Chad was being his usual flirty self with me, but we don't kiss or anything like that anymore, and it is pretty much torture. So we drove separate cars to my house to drop off my monitor. I fell asleep while he was hooking it up and messing with my computer, but we were supposed to go to the gym afterward, so at about 1 a.m. he woke me up and wanted to go. I pretty much did not want to go at this point, and then he topped it off by saying we would need to take separate cars so he could just leave from there to go back home. I said I didn't want to go, then, because I was too tired to drive so he said he would go without me. Then I had one of my infamous crying sessions, basically because I felt sad that he was leaving instead of spending the night, etc. It sucked.
So Chad still calls me every day, with a few days that he didn't call when we were supposed to not be talking. We didn't say anything about not talking, but we did discuss maybe not seeing each other for a while. So yesterday he didn't call me. Normally on a Sunday he would call me to see if I was going to work out at around 9 p.m., but he didn't. It really hurt my feelings, and I can't help but to wonder if he is finally just done with me and my crying. I didn't call him, either, but I barely ever call him. This sucks. I know he is not obligated to call me anymore, but he always does, so it just makes me feel awful. I know I am not even supposed to be talking to him and this should be seen as a blessing, but it's hard to feel that way. This situation is getting ridiculous, we all know that. Anyway, whatever he is doing, whether he is mad at me or finally pushing me away or what, I need to stay strong and try not to call him either.
It just hurts so bad, and normally I would run out and try to find a new guy to date to make myself feel better, but I am so sick of that pattern. I am so sick of revolving my life around boys and how they make me feel, and I am so sick of getting hurt over and over and over. I am just done with it.
So yesterday I ended up going to the gym at a time that I knew that Chad would not be there. I had a really good workout which included 30 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on the treadmill, and 30 minutes of weights. The best part is that I have slowly been trying to run more and more on the treadmill, which has been a big deal because I hate running more than anything in the world, and I have always felt like my lungs would explode in the past. Well, yesterday I managed to run a total of ten minutes. Yes, it was in three separate sessions, but that is a new record for me. Today I just did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes of treadmill walking because I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like challenging myself as much. Oh well.
Unfortunately, I had an encounter with a creepy disgusting pedophile type gym man yesterday. When I started doing weights, this older guy came over and put his stuff down near the machine I was on. Then he proceeded to stand near me and stare directly at me. I thought he was trying to hint that he wanted the machine next, so I was a little annoyed and took my time. Then I got off of it and moved to my next machine. He followed me over and continued staring at me. I was doing that leg machine where you are slowly closing your thighs, but your legs start wide open, so it is vaguely sexual if you are a dirty pedophile type. He was really close to me and he was actually staring at my crotch! I stopped the machine and took off my headphones in case he had something to say to me. It was really grossing me out and scaring me. So then when I took my headphones out he went and got on that machine where you lay down and your butt is sticking in the air while you do leg work. I do not ever do that machine because no one needs to stare at my butt. Anyway, I got off of my machine and waited for the girl next to me to get off of her machine. Creepy pedophile type gets off of his machine and points to the machine I had been on and says, "Hey, I'll trade you." He indicated that I should get on the butt-sticking-up machine. I told him that I wasn't planning on using that machine and fled to the stomach machine. Then I noticed that he did the same thing to another girl where he was all up next to her staring at her. A little later he wasn't in sight, so I went over and did the machine I was waiting for before. I turned around to check the time and saw him watching me from a distance with a creepy smile on his face. GROSS!
So I went downstairs and told on him, and the guy who worked there said that he would go and check out the situation and talk to the guy if he saw him doing it to anyone else. The people that work at 24-hour are really nice. I like them a lot. Another cool thing that I should mention is that they LOVE my Whatchoo Talkin' Bout? Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes t-shirt that Shaun sent me. Two of the guys who work there, on two different occasions, saw my t-shirt and got big grins on their faces. "I LOVE your t-shirt!" they both said. Not like, love. I think it is pretty cool myself.
While I am giving Shaun props, I have to mention that he wrote a post explaining what a Wa Wa is, just because I asked what it was here. I think that is going above and beyond online friendship, don't you? I was really excited (and well-informed). So if you had no idea what a Wa Wa was either, you should check it out.
I also hung out with Justin, who went on a date yesterday and is super excited about it. It was a great time for him to suddenly start dating, a time when I am wallowing in self-pity. I am happy for him that he is finally starting to get out there, but I am also a little jealous. She sounds like just the kind of girl I was always afraid he would start dating. First, she is too young (20). Second, she is small (5'2"). Third, she likes all of the same things he does (camping, fishing, hunting). Kill me now. She also text messaged him after the date, which is supposed to be the classic guy move, but definitely means she is interested in him. I hope that it works out for him, but at the same time it is hard to have someone who adored me finally move on. We'll see what happens with that.
Anyway, I only have a few things to look forward to now. My friend Cassandra and her fiance are coming up on August 10th, but I don't know how much time she will have to spend with me because they have other friends here and are going to see the final Sleater-Kinney show. I am also going to a free show at the Doug Fir on Thursday with my roommate, which I am excited about. The bands are all local: Nire, Easterly, and The Days. So...that's all that I have to look forward to.
My DSL saga was finally kind of resolved, but I keep getting emails from them, and I can't tell what is going on. Ultimately the DSL was ordered three times, and I got a notice that one of them was cancelled, but then got two notices about the orders. I am just going to wait and see what comes in the mail. They are ridiculous, and of course ever since the order my cable internet has been working perfectly without a flaw.
Some good news on the fitness front--I measured myself about a month after I started working out, and I recently measured myself again. I lost TWO inches around my waist/stomach area. I was really surprised. I also lost half an inch around my hips, but unfortunately zero inches around my thighs. If anything I would have said the opposite-that my legs were looking better, but my stomach still needed a lot of work. I am happy with that, though. I hope I continue to lose inches because my weight hasn't really been coming down much. I wish I had measured my arms because that is what most people seem to say has gotten smaller, and I didn't measure them so I don't know for sure.
My roommate paid her rent on time (early) this month! I am impressed. She also ended up giving me more than half of the money for the power bill because it went up because of her AC, which I thought was very cool of her. So I am feeling good about her. She still is messier than I would like, and I am no longer having guests go in her bathroom (it is the one that is attached to the living room, so that is naturally where people would go), because it is just that bad. But it is good that in general she is trying to be more responsible.
I hate to say it, but I am starting to feel ready to go back to school. All of this unstructured time is making me crazy. Too bad I haven't done any planning at all (not that I ever do in the summer, but for some reason I always feel extremely guilty about it).
