Summer vacation is looking better and better. I had a brief, "What am I going to do with myself all summer because all my friends are busy and I am so bored!" moment on Monday after Ben left for work. Even the teacher friends are busy: Mandy's in-laws are in town, K's in San Francisco, L's in California, too, Ava has class, and I'm not friends with Nathan anymore. I quickly got over it by going to lunch with my mom, then went shopping for a new purse and two shirts. I took back some makeup that I got, so it sort of worked out as not costing very much. Then I cleaned up my entire house, including my bathroom, which I always avoid doing.
I can't remember at all what I did on Tuesday. What did I do? Wednesday I ended up going to Happy Hour with Justin, and we had an interesting conversation where he promised to stop being such a jerk because he wants to be able to be friends still. We'll see how that goes. The single thing that annoys me the most about him right now is that even though we have broken up, all of our interactions are as if we are an old cranky married couple. I hate it! After that I came home and watched Lost with my mom, and then Ben came over. I had such a good time with him. I felt super domestic because I packed him a lunch for the second time yesterday morning, since he was going straight to work from my house. When I talked to him last night he was like, "That was such a great lunch!" I have never packed a boy a lunch in my entire life (Justin usually packed my lunch, or we each packed our own). I'm so happy that I have someone who lets me be nice to him now! Whenever I would do something nice for Jose it seemed like he felt guilty. Well, he should have felt guilty. Ben is so appreciative of anything nice I do, too, which is very sweet. And he's very nice to me, too.
Yesterday I got to hang out with Ava for a while. We went to coffee and I discovered that I like iced lattes way better than iced mochas. How weird is that? She got an iced coffee and added cream and sugar, so I will have to try that next time. I had fun hanging out with her, and it sounds like she got a really great job offer in California. She will be working at a charter school with seventh graders using Nancie Atwell's reading/writing workshop model with FORTY KIDS TOTAL in blocks. I'm jealous. She was going to go to Romania to teach, but now she is planning on going to California. I am sad she is moving, but it's pretty exciting.
After that I went to dinner at my mom's house. She had her new lesbian friends over, and they seemed very nice. My mom made lasagna, which is her speciality and so good. Then I went to see some live music at the Doug Fir. Justin ended up going with me, so that was cool. We got along really well. It ended up being pretty good, and I got to figure out where I want to stand/sit when I'm watching Liz Phair there this August. Yes, I got Liz Phair tickets again! Yay.
So tonight I am supposed to go to Karaoke with Ben and some of his friends. I am definitely not going to sing under any circumstances.
I also have a doctor's appointment in a little while. I am getting tested for all STDs. It's not that I have any symptoms or anything like that, and I was just tested a few months ago, but the fact that Jose was seeing another girl (or multiple girls, probably) while he was seeing me makes me want to make sure that I don't have anything!
I'm going to be in Las Vegas in a week!!!
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Updated to add:
I forgot to mention that I am reading THE BEST BOOK. Total comparisons to a female Catcher in the Rye (probably in the blurbs, I'm not sure), but it's so true. It's called Prep, and it's about a girl from Indiana who gets a scholarship to a boarding school on the east coast. Some of the pages I had to fold over because I wanted to write down the quotes...when was the last time I wanted to do that? Anyway, I really recommend this book. Sidenote: one of the people who responded to my craigslist ad was recommending To Kill a Mockingbird to me, and then he went on to say that he HATES Catcher and thinks it is so overrated. I had to hold myself back from responding to him, because I was just outraged! I love that book. And I've read it three times at different stages in my life, and it was great each time in different ways.
Now, the real reason I wanted to update was because I wanted to say how my doctor's appointment went. As I mentioned, I went to get tested for STDs, and I did ultimately decide to get an HIV test, which is the most frightening thing ever. I had one done when I was 18 years old, but this one is more scary because of Jose. There are two reasons why I shouldn't be worried--he said he had been tested for everything recently when we first started seeing each other, and he also just went and gave blood about a month before we stopped seeing each other, so he would have been informed by the Red Cross if he had HIV. However, there are no guarantees that he was being honest with me or that he would tell me if he did find out he had HIV. To believe that would be to believe that he was a truly horrible person, and I am not sure that I really believe that, but the whole sociopath issue makes me worried. However, can you be a sociopath and know that about yourself? Somehow I don't think so. I think he does truly have feelings of compassion and empathy, so maybe it is just wishful thinking to agree with him that he has sociopathic tendencies. Okay, end tangent now.
But anyway, I am still scared about the STDs and HIV. The other STDs are all curable (I don't have any symptoms, so obviously don't have the incurable ones like Herpes or whatever), so I guess I am just scared about HIV. In any case, I had to explain why I was back to get STD testing since I just got tested for Chlamadia and Gonnerhea (sorry about the spelling) back in January. She just did it as a precaution since I had a new partner and was checking out a urinary tract infection (sorry for all of the extra information here). Anyway, I was like, "Yeah, well, the guy I was seeing was also seeing someone else, blah blah blah, and he said he didn't have anything but now I am feeling as if I am not sure if I can trust that statement..." My doctor is very sweet and is from India and has a very nice accent. She is extremely professional, and always sticks to business, other than occasionally asking me about school. Well, she did all the tests on me, and listened to me without comment as I told her the reasons why I was back. At the very end, though, as she told me I would get my results on Tuesday she walked out the door. Then she turned back as an afterthought and said, "You're not going to continue seeing this guy, are you?" I said no, that I was through with him, and she smiled. There was something about that interaction that really touched me--like she cared about me and didn't want me to go back to this guy, and that transcended her professionalism. It just made me feel like she was human, kind of the way you feel when you see your teacher out at a restaurant and you're like, "Oh, they eat, too!" Anyway, it was sweet.
Of course the whole HIV thing is not very likely, but I can't help but think what will happen to me if it is positive. If I got to cap off this whole rotten year by finding out that I will A.) Never get to have sex again and B.) Die. Nice. Please don't let me have it.
