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2002-03-13 - 9:49 p.m.

Exercise: Monday--30 minutes Gazelle

Tuesday--30 minutes Gazelle plus 30 crunches

Wednesday--30 minutes Gazelle plus 60 crunches

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

The best news of all is that when I came home yesterday I discovered that my new cable channels are finally there! I watched TV all evening (I did other stuff at the same time), and am just so excited. I have so many channels now when before I had about two. I spent most of the time watching MTV and MTV2 and VH1 and all of that. Justin has this huge vendetta against MTV so I don't even get to watch it at his house. I love/hate it, but I really missed not even having the option. I have all the channels I wanted, plus new HBO channels and new Cinemax. I hope it stays the same price like they promised. However, the mysterious thing is this: no more Game Show Network?!?!?! It has disappeared from my channel lineup. And you know how I feel about that channel.

The good news is that the new channels have opened up a whole new world for me, since I haven't seen very many music videos in so long. I have so much to talk about now. Ha ha. I'm sure it will be fascinating to you.

First of all, let me talk about that Elton John video with Justin Timberlake in it. I didn't see the beginning part where it says who the artist is and I was only half watching it, so I had no idea it was Justin Timberlake. I was trying to figure out who it was, obviously someone dressed like Elton John (or maybe a younger Elton John?) who sounded exactly like him. He looked very familiar, though, and toward the end I was looking at his jawline and thought, "That looks like Justin Timberlake!" I then scoffed at myself for being such a dork, but then I was vindicated when I saw the title at the end. How weird is that idea? I have no clue why Elton John and Justin Timberlake would collaborate in that fashion, but whatever. Oh, my fault, I forgot we are in this era of, "It's cool to be old school, so I'll try to emulate these sort-of-has-beens (I like Elton John and Michael Jackson and Madonna, too, so sorry) and work with them to give myself some sort of credibility in the grand scheme of music." and "It's cool to hang out with cool young stars and have them sing my music because it makes me feel like I'm not a sort-of-has-been, and I have no problem with duets with mysogonistic/homophobes because free speech is cool."

Okay, secondly, maybe I shouldn't overanalyze the music by someone who had decided to rename himself "P-Diddy" but you know how I can be. What's up with his video about "I Need a Girl"? I'm talking about the part where he looks directly at the camera and is talking about how he will always love that girl and hopes she is happy even if they aren't together and he will always miss her. Is he just trying to play on the public's idea that he's talking about J-to-the-L-O or what? On the one hand it seems sweet, on the other hand, P-Diddy, it's getting a little old to make your grief about losing people sell songs.

Anyway, I've been really busy what with my new cable watching and all my stuff to grade. I was all caught up last week but then it became the end of the six weeks suddenly and now I have 890454250495490859024 papers and journals to grade. I brought some of it home but was less than thrilled to grade them, even with the bonus of being able to watch old R. Kelly videos on VH1 SOUL.

I also had one senior that needed a recommendation letter by tomorrow (he gave it to me today), and another that wanted me to edit his ten page term paper (at least I got those both out of the way). Then I was selling these extra credit things for a fund raiser our school is doing (for a Children's Hospital). Basically the kids are buying extra credit, but I put a limit on the amount and it is for a good cause. So I had 1980590 kids coming in and out of my room to buy their extra credit. On top of everything, I have to miss again on Friday to go to another curriculum meeting. I am really getting tired of missing school.

However, the sub that the kids hate came up to me and totally complimented my lesson and the kids and said she had a blast subbing for me (?!?!?!) She was all excited about my lesson--it was on SAT prep on Antonyms or something, but apparently the way I told her to teach it to them taught her a trick or something that she never knew. So that was kind of nice. Too bad the kids don't like her because she seems rather pleasant (although, as mentioned, she is a bit crazy).

I have been exercising, I had to force myself to do the thirty minutes today, but I feel good about it. It is nice to have something to be proud of myself about. Hopefully I will keep it up. I think the scantily clad females in the videos I have been watching have been motivating me or something. I hate having body self-loathing. It is so stupid and unhealthy.

All week we have assemblies because of the fund raiser week, so it has been fun but rather chaotic. I love seeing the kids raise so much money and get so into something that is such a good cause.

I heard back from my teacher from grad school who I contacted about the openings. Every time I hear from her I feel so good. I just admire and look up to her so much. She was my supervisor during my student teaching and she had so much faith in me and was so supportive during the rough times. I just really like her.

I am sort of at a dead end with my father search. I think I am going to order the information from US Search. They give you this thing that shows you the match of the name, and where located, but you have to pay the money to see the address. I know it is him because he has a very unusual middle name and I have been unable to find the address and everything in the phone book (or middle name). I have tried everything I can think of now. So I may pay the money. It's $40.00, and I guess it would be worth it. I have to think about it a little bit more. The scary part is that after I find him, I have to think about what I would say in a letter. I have no idea what to say. I want it to be such a letter that he will want to respond. I also am unsure of whether or not I should send a picture. I don't know if that would make him more or less likely to want to contact me. If he was curious about me and saw the picture, that might be enough, and then he wouldn't contact me. Or, it could work in my favor, and he would see me as a real person after seeing my picture, and feel he had to meet me. I'm not sure. I am really worried about the idea of meeting him, but I guess I will just wait and see if that actually happens. Another thing I'm wondering about is putting my name and return address on the outside envelope. I have no idea if he knows my name or not, but if he does, it's possible he would not want to open it. On the other hand, it feels dishonest to not put it on. I don't know what to do about that.

Well, I'm going to have to get off and go to bed.

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