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2001-08-27 - 6:54 p.m. I was really shocked to hear about Aaliyah dying. I have been a really big fan of hers since back in the day and it just really hit me hard. I am also just sad about it because I really like her music and there won't be anymore CDs coming out from her now. I spent the night at Justin's house last night. Almost the entire time was spent fighting over stupid stuff. I feel like I'm not sure if we should be together anymore, because half the time I feel pissed off at him. I think it may have something to do with him being the oldest child or something, but I think he is bossy and demanding. He is the kind of person that if I do something, he does it over (and tries to tell me why his way is the right way). And this really is starting to get to me--it was one of the major things that led to us not being able to live together without fighting every two seconds. There were other issues as well, but I think it is pathetic that we weren't able to live together a month without fighting so much. It was depressing, and ever since then I have been feeling like maybe we are not meant to be together afterall. I also just don't feel respect for him in the way that he takes forever to get a job. If I didn't have a job and knew my rent would be due soon, I would be out there every day, all day, doing what I could to get a job. He put in about six applications and called it good and he has been there for about 20 days now. No worries for him. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that he would be like that if we were together (he was like that when we lived together a month, he spent the majority of his days hanging out and watching TV when he was supposed to work and give me half the rent money. He ended up moving back home because his classes weren't working out here, but I'd say a lot of it had to do with money and his anal retentive bullshit. He never gave me money for staying here that month and I just let it go, but I think that shows something about him. I have very little faith in him since then. I do respect that he finally decided to move out to go to a four year school with his brother, but he hasn't made the effort he should to get a job. I would be so pissed off at him right about now if I was his brother. His brother got a job right away, of course. I just can't stand people who have poor work ethic. Tomorrow will be my last day to sleep in and then the next day it is back to work for me. I am really depressed about it. I am looking forward to things, but getting up early is not one of them. I also feel totally unprepared for school to start. I still have about a week to plan but I have no idea what I am doing the first few days. I have a general idea for all of the classes, and one of the classes I taught last year anyway, so it is pretty much planned. Still, I feel unprepared. There are so many little details to try to remember too, like how you run the class in general, how you account for late work, how you deal with them going to the bathroom, etc. Sometimes I feel like it is more like I am a prison warden or something. I certainly don't treat my students that way, but schools in general make it hard not to. I wish we could just be like, "Go to the bathroom if you have to go to the bathroom." But because of school policy they must ask us permission and we must give them a pass of some kind. Ugh. At the same time, because of my liberal bathroom policies, kids are in and out of my room too much. So I am trying to think of some sort of more efficient system. I was thinking about giving them four passes per quarter and if they don't use them they can cash them in for extra credit. I'm not sure. It also depends on if we are using these planner things this year. If so, they get a certain amount of spaces in there to go to the bathroom with. That would thrwart my bathroom pass plan. However, maybe I could still use my plan. I just don't know if the kids will hate me for it after my liberal bathroom policies last year. The other thing is that the bathroom is right next to my room so sometimes I just told them to hurry and go without a pass. I don't know how that would work out in the scheme of things this year. This is ridiculous, I know. Well, I am chatting with Cassandra now. I wish I had just one real friend living nearby. If I did, maybe I would have more of a chance of breaking up with Justin and making it stick. It's not that I don't love him. It's not like he treats me badly. It's just that I'm starting to think that us being together is not working and maybe not worth all the work.
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