|
current |
2001-10-17 - 10:43 p.m. Today went well enough. I am enjoying my seventh period more now that the other kid is now in second period. He is much better second period. The other kids in seventh are still nightmarish at times, but it is easier. They are the class that has the hardest time with reading day. I guess it's all about finding them the right books, huh? Regrets...I am the kind of person that analyzes everything over and over in my head (as I found out tonight on Dawson's Creek, my new favorite show, Joey is that kind of a person as well). I get physical pains if something went poorly. This is over something as little as a misunderstanding with someone who works at a store. That bad. I guess my other big regret of my lifetime would have to be that when Justin and I broke up, briefly, I hooked up with an ex boyfriend (not the formally-known-as-the-love-of-my-life one) that was/is a total jerk but I had this insane attraction for. Justin knows, life goes on, but he didn't deserve it. I felt sort of vindicated though when not long ago he called me and sincerely apologized for all the stuff that he put me through. And I do know that I ended up better off for it because he has a child now, and I don't. And it was nice that after all that time that passed he still thought about what he did and felt bad. It was more than I expected from him. The only ex-boyfriend that I don't regret, by the way, is the one I went out with right after Nathan and I broke up, Tracy. I went to school with him in fourth grade and by a weird twist of fate he was friends with a guy that was trying to get together with Arianna. They remembered each other, and the first thing he asked about was me (we had some sort of crush on each other in fourth grade which consisted of me and my friends stealing his skateboard). Anyway, we re-met each other and were just friends but he was my rebound from Nathan. He was sweet, funny, and annoyed the hell out of me half the time. We only went out for three months but he was definitely what I needed at the time. He called me his supermodel and acted like I was some sort of queen. We ended up breaking up because we drove each other crazy and fought all the time, but I will always have a special place in my heart for him. Maybe because he was the only one of my ex-boyfriends that didn't break my heart. Another regret I have is growing apart from Lucia. I was her maid of honor but I wonder how much of her wanted me to be and how much of her felt obligated. I want so much to be close to her again and with her husband and her baby that seems like it isn't going to happen. It probably wouldn't have happened before either. I hate not knowing if she just wants me to go away or if she is still just friends with me because of our history (which, honestly, is a lot of the reason why I can't let go of her). She never calls me, and I hate having to be the one to always call. I just want to be close again, but I don't see that happening. My only real close friend now is Cassandra and I only get to see her once in awhile. This didn't start out as a sad entry. I'm not really sad; I just think too much.
|
