Seriously. Is it my destiny to have to see all of the guys that I like with the girls who they like better than me? Yes, I think it is.
So Ava and I decided to have a girl's night out last night. I had this really strange premonition that I would be seeing Jose while we were out, and that I would be seeing him on a date with someone else. We planned to go to two bars, the first of which I had never heard him mentioning going to. I figured if we saw him it would be at the second bar which I know he goes to occasionally, but I was telling myself I was being ridiculous, as I have never ran into an ex-boyfriend before in my entire life, and Portland is a fairly big city. But guess what? My premonition was correct, as when we were walking by the window on the way to the first bar I saw Jose sitting in the window. I said to Ava, "I just saw Jose in there. And I bet he's on a date." I turned around to look and saw he was with a girl. Can you believe it? Anyway, at first I freaked out and we decided to go somewhere else, but then curiosity got the better of me and I decided we should go there and sit upstairs. Ava felt terrible for me, and I felt bad for making her feel bad, but I guess anyone would feel horrible in this situation. Technically he wasn't doing anything wrong because A.) We ended things a week ago. B.) We said all along we could see other people. But to see him out already on a date with someone else...ugh. So anyway, ultimately I decided that I would just go down to the bathroom and pass by and say hi to him. I guess I decided to do it because I thought that is what a normal person would do, but the few people who I have told have said they would definitely not have said hi, so who knows. But I wanted to check the girl out, and I also thought it would be kind of funny to see his reaction to me saying hi. Anyway, I am used to being able to act like it doesn't matter to me since I have the whole Nathan situation happening every single day of my life, and I talk to him as if nothing is wrong when I really want to kill him. I mean, we even joke around with each other at team meetings. So anyway, basically I just went up and said hi and said I saw him on my way in with Ava. He looked really surprised to see me and I think at first he really wondered what I was going to say to him, but I was completely calm and friendly. He introduced me to the girl, and she was attractive but I didn't think she was necessarily great looking or anything. I didn't feel like she was a lot hotter than me or anything (if anything I felt more attractive, but I guess I am biased...ha ha). She was also a totally different type because she was Asian and shorter and kind of voluptuous. So...it's hard to compare that with me. Anyway, I just said I wanted to say hi but I had to get back to my friend and that was it.
But of course I felt horrible all night. Not as bad as I would assume I would feel, but not the greatest. It also just felt like where does he meet all of these girls to date when I have not found any guys to date yet? From the way it appeared, it seemed to be a first date to me, and when I walked by it didn't seem like they were particularly having a great time.
Anyway, I was kind of obsessing over it because I wondered if we would ever talk again (we hadn't talked since last Saturday, and now to add on this extra strange element was interesting.) Ava said I should see it as a meant to be thing, like I needed to see that to realize I need to move on or something. And I get that, but at the same time I am like, "Why do I keep getting punished in the exact same way? Isn't my bad karma over yet?"
But he called me this morning, and we talked for a long time. I appreciated it that he called to make sure I was okay and felt bad about everything. He also said that was only the second time he had ever been to that bar, which makes me feel even stranger about the fact that I ran into him randomly like that. I NEVER run into people I know. Anyway, the girl was actually this girl that he had mentioned to me he was interested in when I asked him when we stopped seeing each other one of the times if he had someone in mind he was interested in dating. Then I had heard the whole saga while we were "friends." Anyway, that was their second date and he thinks things will not work out due to the fact that she is married. Yes. Married. When he was lamenting that fact, I told him that it actually sounded like the ideal situation for him because he won't have to deal with the whole commitment issue since she is already committed to her husband. HA HA. Anyway, apparently she is all unhappy in her marriage, but her husband is rich and so she is used to living in a certain way and she won't leave him because of that. She definitely sounds like a wonderful person. And yes, he is my worst nightmare.
I was able to say all of the things I wanted to say to him, so I guess that made the whole thing worthwhile. I don't know if I will be friends with him. He wants to stay friends with me, but said he would leave it up to me to call him next since I am unsure if I want to do that. I know what you are thinking: HELL NO, YOU SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS WITH HIM. I know, I know. But I kind of want to be friends with him, and I do finally recognize and have acknowledged that he will never want to be my boyfriend, as much as he likes me and is attracted to me. So if I was friends with him it would be because I like him as a person, despite his many faults, not because I had any hope of being together with him. So we'll see.
Despite the problems with Jose, I did have a good time with Ava. I want to go out with her again to make up for being sort of a downer. We did scope out cute boys, but I was too shy/not drunk enough/too upset about Jose to actually try to talk to them. I was also like, "What kind of a guy will I meet at a bar? A guy like Jose the asshole!" Blah.
There is a hot substitute teacher subbing for one of the teachers on my team for the next two days (he started on Friday). I need to try to figure out a way to put the moves on him without seeming unprofessional. He has only subbed in our building one other time (for me), but he seems like such a nice guy and is so hot! So I'm going to at least try to talk to him a little bit.
The kids have been pretty good, and we are finally doing state testing. After that I can pretty much stop teaching because that's all that matters. JUST KIDDING. I am SO HAPPY, though, that it is over so I can stop doing all this standardized test prep crap and go back to teaching real/valuable/meaningful stuff again. This is the first year that I have focused so intensely on standardized testing, because our scores were down last year and I felt the pressure. It will be interesting to see if it actually made any difference in the scores.
Today was spent celebrating Justin's birthday. We went to the mall to look around and then went to Todai for dinner. We had never been there, but basically it is a huge seafood buffet, including sushi and other Asian foods. It was good, but not really worth the price, I didn't think. And I couldn't eat as much sushi as I expected I would be able to. I probably ate about the amount I normally would, so it didn't seem worth it. They did have some really good things and good dessert, but I will not eat there again. I just can't eat enough at a buffet, and I also feel disgusting afterward since the point of a buffet is to eat as much as possible. I can handle the buffet at Typhoon but that's about it. Well, the one at the Aladdin in Las Vegas is really great, too.
We also rented The Notebook which we actually both really liked (Justin enjoying a romance?!?) I was totally sobbing near the end, which hasn't happened to me in a movie in ages. I love, love, loved it. So that was a good choice.
The one good thing that I can say about all of the drama in my life is that I used to be really, really bored. It seemed like my whole life could be boiled down to a moment I experienced over and over and over again: sitting in the front seat of my car, with Justin driving, his brother Jason in the backseat, on our way to Sweet Tomatoes to eat dinner. The car was silent; no one was talking because no one had anything to say. Is this going to be what my whole life is like? I thought to myself. Going to Sweet Tomatoes with Justin and Jason, bored out of my mind, not talking except to say something like, "They better have the broccoli madness salad this time or I'll be pissed." Seriously.
