I've been having a pretty good life lately. I want to tell about the saga of my roommate, since I promised to do so in my last entry. Basically, I gave her a month's notice to move out, and told her that if she moved out earlier that I would refund part of the rent for her. She told me when we talked that she would like me to refund her the cost of the carpet cleaning because she had been planning on staying here at least a year. I said okay, even though she ordered that without consulting me and then didn't pay for it until my freakout moment, but whatever. So anyway, that was the deal. She started moving her stuff out gradually. Well, a week before she was supposed to be out, she had most of her stuff out--but in her moving process she chose to take out all of her food from the cupboards and put it all over the kitchen counter. She left it out over a week, as well as leaving two bags worth of stuff on the landing outside of my door. Okay, whatever, very inconvenient, thoughtless, rude, etc, but to be expected from her. She started cleaning the bathroom but did not do much, including not cleaning the toilet which she never cleaned the whole time she lived here, even the time she had a boy come over for the first time--how disgusting is she? VERY. Anyway, I hadn't heard from her in a week, she was no longer staying here, but she still had a bunch of stuff here in her room and in the cabinets. All she had to do was get that stuff out and she would have had a refund. So the day of my mom's move comes and I went down the night before to help her. When we got here, guess whose stuff was still here? Right. So I had to not only help my mom move an entire apartment of stuff, I also had to move my roommate's crap out of her room. I called her, and guess what? Her phone was disconnected. Surprise, surprise. This was about three in the afternoon on the last day of the month. So I emailed her and asked her when today she was planning on getting her stuff since it was the last day of the month. I also said that I had to move her stuff out of the way to get my mom's stuff in and I was wondering if she was going to give me the rest of the money for the bills she owed me and if she planned to clean the bathroom up. She owed me over $50.00 for her half of the bills from when she was still living here. She had told me before tentatively that she would be out the previous week and that we could talk about who owed who what at that point, and then she never showed up. At this point I also was not planning on refunding her the carpet money because I had to move her crap, and she hadn't cleaned the bathroom. Anyway, my mom and I finished moving finally and went to dinner. We hadn't heard back from her when we left.
Well, when we came back at 8 PM, here she was. "Sorry," she says, as she packs her stuff into garbage bags, "I didn't realize it was the last day of the month!" Um. Yeah. I was so pissed off. She was trying to be chatty with us, but I just answered her with one word answers because she is such an inconsiderate bitch (and you know I hate that word, so I don't use it lightly). I asked her about her phone and she said she shut it off, but I would bet you 1,000,000 dollars that they shut it off because she didn't pay the bill. She got late notices on bills all the time. Anyway, she packed up her car with most of her stuff. At one point I asked her what she was going to do about this huge shelf she had out on the porch, and she said snootily that she would have to borrow her dad's truck. She said nothing to me about my money and acted like I was being a jerk for not making small talk with her, and did not clean her bathroom. She ended up leaving her vacuum cleaner and two other bags of stuff out on the landing, then she got into her car and drove off without saying anything to me. She had already given me back the key at this point. I assumed she would be back for the rest of her stuff later that night, especially since she left some of it outside, but I assumed wrong. In fact, she never came back and I have never heard from her again. So she screwed me out of my money (luckily it wasn't more), she did not clean her disgusting bathroom, and she left a whole bunch of crap--including food, her vacuum cleaner, and ten million dying plants. My mom packed it all off to get it out of my sight, and she cleaned the bathroom. I emailed her on the Monday after to ask when she was planning on coming to get the rest of her stuff, since she no longer lived here and could not just leave it indefinitely. I also asked about my money and said it was upsetting that she hadn't cleaned the bathroom, and left her stuff here after the last day of the month. She did not bother to respond at all. The tenant laws here state that after seven days, you can dispose of someone's stuff, but you are supposed to send them written warning. I have no forwarding address for her, so I just sent her another email explaining that law and saying that perhaps I misjudged her, but that I didn't think she would leave things this way. She didn't respond, so now I have to get rid of her stuff. She left ten million canned food items which I can use to hopefully win a canned food drive at my school. Unfortunately, I anticipated her taking her vacuum, so I bought a new one, so I have no need for it. The rest of her stuff is just junk I will throw away. Anyway, it is just so funny how she always tried to act like she was such a caring giving person but she totally took advantage of my kindness and didn't even bother to act decently when I bent over backward for her (until I kicked her out, but I did it in a nice way and with plenty of warning). I just can't believe what a user, slob, etc. she was. I hate her. Anyway, at least she is now out of my life. The thing is that I hate not having closure, and I just can't stand someone disappearing without saying anything like that. There's nothing I can do about it, though.
So that was the roommate saga. And I am done with it and thankful to have that negativity out of my life. Living with my mom has been fine so far. I don't have to hide in my room to avoid my roommate and her constant blathering about stuff I don't care about. So far the house hunt has been discouraging, but hopefully something will work out. Although having my mom here has actually been good, I do look forward to living completely alone again.
Being apart from Chad has been hard. He calls less and less. There's nothing I can do, so I'm just trying not to think about it too much. I have actually been pretty happy most of the time despite feeling bad about him, so that is definitely a start.
My 29th birthday felt like one of my best in a really long time. My 28th was pretty great last year for part of it, because I spent it with Chad and he was actually my boyfriend then. I was so happy and he got me really wonderful gifts. This year was probably better overall, though, because I felt the birthday love from a lot more people and celebrated it even longer. :) So...here's what I did: Thursday evening Justin took me out to dinner to celebrate. We went to Pho Van where I had bun, which I always get when I go to Vietnamese food. It's so delicious, and I love it so much more than actual pho. We also had salad rolls, which are pretty much my favorite appetizer ever. Justin also made me a few lemon drops at his house, which is my favorite drink. He already gave me my present (two pairs of shoes--one for running), but I had a really good time with him.
Friday was my actual birthday and...my teammates remembered. This was the first year that I ever actually told the kids it was my birthday in advance, and they were the cutest about it. In my homeroom class, I walked in (we have to do duty in the hallways, so when I walk in most of the kids are already in my class) and one of them yelled, "One, two, three!" and then they all sang me happy birthday while I grinned like an idiot. I also got a cute Hello Kitty cup from one girl and a homemade birthday card. My teammates also remembered (they have always forgotten in the past, and I always remember their birthdays and organize stuff like cake or a present), which touched me a lot. Our new girl, who needs a name soon, collected money and got me a card and some Hello Kitty school supplies. I was so excited! Nathan also wrote on my card that I am the nicest person in the world, which was unexpectedly sweet--little does he know the smack I have talked about him here and to everyone I know, but in general I am nice, right? :)
After school there was a work happy hour (we have them every two weeks, and everyone is invited, but probably about ten people end up going). They were asking me if I was going to go and pressuring me to go. I had plans for dinner with my mom, but finally decided to stop by when the social studies teacher was saying he would only go if I went (I am such a sucker, but it was nice they wanted me to go). I ended up sitting next to our new girl, Nathan, and the social studies teacher. I was having a really good time with them, and Nathan insisted that I would not pay for any drinks (I only had two since I had to drive home). The social studies teacher also insisted, and left way too much money to cover my drinks, so basically both of them paid for my drinks. I thought it was really sweet (and said so). I was just feeling in such a good mood like this was going to be the best year of my life. I wasn't even fazed too badly when Nathan's woman showed up much later. I don't know if the new girl knew that Nathan and her were together, and I hadn't wanted to gossip and make myself look bad. I also have felt so good about our team's unity this year that I didn't want to smack talk about him to her. Anyway, at this point the social studies teacher had left, so we moved a table out of the way and I was now sitting between the new girl and Nathan. His woman walked in and new girl moved her chair so that she could sit between the two of us. His woman said, "I hope you don't mind if I sit next to Nathan!" in this weird voice and then came and sat between me and Nathan. So that put a little bit of a damper on my mood for a minute. It also sucked because I was about to leave, but when she showed up I didn't want to make it look like I was leaving because I couldn't hang with sitting next to her and Nathan--so I had to stay for a while. I made a little small talk with her, but felt a little weird about the whole thing. It didn't bother me too badly, though, and then I went out to dinner with my mom at this great Cuban restaurant. We also had a chocolate raspberry cake from Cold Stone Creamery that I highly recommend.
I had decided to spend my birthday with my mom and the next day with Chad so I could spend the day with him. Unfortunately, Chad was kind of broke, so I didn't get anything extravagant from him, but I still had a good time with him. He thought it would be great to get me something off my wishlist that I listed as what I wanted more than anything else. It was this eyebrow grooming kit from Sephora. Well, I kind of forgot about it, so when he took me to Sephora I was not clear why we were there. He refreshed my memory and I was kind of disappointed (which is sad, since I said that that was what I wanted most). So I was looking at the kit and I realized it had barely anything in it and probably wouldn't work very well. I imagined this whole instruction kit with stencils and tools to help you get perfect eyebrows. So I said not to be mad, but I kind of didn't want that gift any more.
Luckily, he wasn't mad and thought it was funny. We walked around to find something else for my gift. I ended up getting two pairs of earrings that we picked out and then the movie The Notebook. So it wasn't the most expensive, but it was stuff that I wanted and I still felt happy and special. The best part was that since it was my birthday he was forced into watching the movie with me. It is super cheesy, as you know, but so romantic...I cried, of course. However, it didn't have the effect on him that I secretly hoped. He didn't get all caught up in the romance of it all and turn to me and say that he could no longer bear to be apart from me. I knew that my birthday present was not going to be him magically wanting to get back together, but it was my secret hope, no matter how unrealistic and stupid that hope was. Anyway, it didn't happen. He was really lovey and affectionate though, and told me how much he loved me and missed me. He also got me a card where he wrote how much he loves me. I know, he is full of mixed messages. I hate him, too.
So anyway, I spent the night at his house but part of the time was sad for me because I just kept thinking about how this had to be the last time, so I spent some of the time crying and being upset. So that part of it sucked, but the fun time was fun. I wish he would realize, but he just isn't going to. He loves me and has fun with me, but he thinks we are not right for each other, so whatever...and I have let that be okay for so long and I have settled for less than a normal, happy relationship for so long, and I will not settle for that any longer.
Anyway, we said goodbye on Sunday and it was hard all over again, and I cried my eyes out all over again, and I cursed myself for doing it to myself all over again. It was hard.
I also had been sick and so busy, and so I hadn't been working out for about two weeks, which was just ridiculous. That Monday I went to therapy, talked about everything, and felt a little bit better. Then I went and worked out, and I worked out again Thursday. I need to get back into at least 3-4 times a week again, because I don't want to lose all of my progress. I am not even attempting my running right now because I feel out of practice.
I forgot to mention that I got Grey's Anatomy season 2 from my mom (along with 100 for a few new clothes), and I got some makeup from Mandy from Sephora. She actually got me the eyebrow kit, too, because of my wishlist, so I took it back and got some eyeshadow, eyeliner, and lipstick. I told her the truth because I knew she would ask me about how the kit was working out, and she was very understanding and didn't seem hurt. How cute is it that both of them tried to get me what I wanted the most? I thought that was nice. I also ordered season 1 of Grey's Anatomy, and my dad sent me a subscription to Harper's and a book and dvd. It was really nice.
This week was really busy. At the happy hour I was telling Nathan we should have a team party (for the teachers), and Nathan ended up deciding to have one at his house this Friday. He invited all of the team teachers and a few other teachers. The Spanish teacher ended up picking me up, so I was able to drink, but I didn't overdo it too much. I know I was being goofy, but I am pretty sure I didn't offend anyone or anything like that. I was so grateful that I went with the Spanish teacher because when we arrived we were the first ones there, and it was only Nathan, his woman and us. It was so awkward for me at first because I had to talk to her more than usual and they were such a "we." The Spanish teacher knows the whole thing, and so she felt for me and we had talked about it on the way over. It was the first time that I had been to Nathan's house in about two years (since things ended between us), so that was kind of hard. I was determined to have a good time, though, and I actually did! I talked to her and started feeling she actually wasn't too bad.
I just felt so happy and good for the first time in a long time. I drank about three glasses of wine, and I was just being silly and talking a lot. I also talked a lot to the new girl and promised to bond with her over gossip if she wanted to hear it. I felt like I had good interactions with Nathan, too, and wasn't too bothered by his coupleness. I had fun with everyone, and convinced my teammates we should all dress up together for Halloween (some teams do this, but we never have). Unfortunately, it appears that we are going to be dressing up as barnyard animals, which was not exactly what I had in mind. But whatever, it should be fun. I ended up getting a ride home with the social studies teacher and his wife, and she ended up telling me about a side conversation that she had that night with Nathan. Essentially, she found out that Nathan and his woman are not as happy as it might appear...and apparently he has some regrets about me because I am so sweet. It was kind of weird because it is what I have always hoped for but at the same time it made me feel kind of sad. He is not the right one for me, obviously, and he has some big issues if he tells his coworker's wife all of this stuff about him and his woman when he only sees the wife once in a while at parties (granted, this woman is warm and fun and I myself have done the same thing with her). I guess I just feel sad that he maybe doesn't have someone to talk to about these issues he has and that he is still having some of the issues that he was dealing with with me. I had kind of wondered why they hadn't moved in together (as far as I could tell, they hadn't) or taken the next step when they have been together two years...so I guess they do have some problems.
I feel weird because I had almost gotten to the place where I felt like we were becoming friends again, but this brought up issues for me again that I felt were dealt with. For example, I had this whole fantasy of them breaking up and then him apologizing and asking for a second chance with me. This is sick and wrong on so many levels. It won't ever happen, and I don't actually want it to happen. He has so many issues and made me feel more horrible than any guy ever has in my life...yet part of me just wishes for that with him. It's ridiculous. I know that he is messed up and that he is not who I want or what I want, it won't happen, so why am I even entertaining the idea of it? I don't even think that they will break up, despite the fact that he talked about all of their problems and said that he didn't think it would work out. I guess I have something to talk about in therapy tomorrow, though.
Saturday I ended up driving up to Jasmine's baby shower. I had a pretty good time, despite my distaste for baby showers in general. I spent the night and we went to her friend's party and had a lot of really good conversations. I have felt a lot closer to her lately, which has been great. I also finally talked with Cassandra about her visit that went so badly. We talked about how we have been growing apart, how the visit went, and about her fiance and how she thought I felt about him and how I actually feel about him. We sorted some things out and I am glad we had the discussion, but I was really hurt by some of the things that she said. I feel like it is the most honest conversation we have had in a long time, though, and it needed to happen for us to move forward instead of being in this fake surface zone. She is supposed to be my best friend, but it hasn't felt like that for a while now. We both just kind of brushed it off as being distance and both being busy, but we knew it was more than that. I was so glad that Jasmine encouraged me to talk with her about it.
Jasmine sent me some pictures of the three of us from my visit with both of them this summer. I am struck by a few things--I look thinner! My hair is out of control crazy in the picture (it looks like my dye job did me in and also that it is a tangled mess). You can also tell that I am trying to look shorter. And lastly, we all look like we are getting older! We all have wrinkles around our eyes. I was shocked and appalled. I am only 29. What's happening to us? I have to start using some wrinkle cream or something. :) They actually are really cute pictures of the three of us, though, and I will try to post them on my flickr (make sure you friend me on there if you want to see the pictures). Like I said, not the most flattering of me, but they look good in them.
Here it is Sunday night now. I hate how Sunday night comes so fast. The rainy season started (which here is pretty much October through May), so that just makes me want to curl up in bed all day long. I had to drive home from Seattle, so I used that as an excuse not to go work out like I usually do on Sunday evenings. I also am trying to avoid Chad. He usually goes right before work, and as much as I love running into him there, it is not a good idea. He's called twice since last Sunday, but for the most part we are not talking. I think I need to cut off all contact, but it is so hard.
There should be a poker night next week, and I am trying to stay busy in general. So far I have done a pretty good job of staying busy and not getting too lonely. Usually weekends are the worst because we are both off of work and start missing each other, but I was busy this weekend so I didn't worry about it too much. I think he may start online dating again soon, and I guess him moving on will make things easier to let go, even though the thought of it makes me want to DIE.
I am still on my plan of not dating for a while, which will be easier with my mom here. That means I can't invite any guys over, etc. I mean, obviously I could, but that would be awkward.
Overall, though, I am in a good place, and I hope to stay that way. I am determined to have the last year of my twenties be a good year. Life is too short to spend being miserable.
