First there was you, who I fell in love with and had my first time with. You broke up with me when three of my best friends decided they no longer wanted to be my friends. You took my ex-best friend's virginity...and I took you back! I spent an entire year of my life with you when you would go weeks without calling me and I found out you were cheating on me, too. You never forget your first love, though, right? You taught me how to let a guy treat me like shit and get away with it--that's been a lasting lesson that I've never quite gotten over. Thanks for that. You also taught me though, that I could be strong enough to end a relationship that wasn't working, and you taught me that I was strong enough to say goodbye to someone who didn't deserve to know me.
Do high school boyfriends besides the first really count? 1.) You were the only boy who I have ever had a breakup with that was mutual. We weren't right for each other and drove each other crazy. But you always made me laugh. You taught me there is life after heartbreak and that there is such a thing as being in lust with someone. Thank you for that. 2.) Despite being one of the only people who I have had pure animal-like attraction for, you are the biggest asshole I have ever met. Did you really think that I would sleep with you after all you did to me? Did you really think that if you called me over and over after the reunion that I would pick up the phone? Did you really think that I would let you cheat on your WIFE with me? Please. You taught me that even I have standards, and even I have more self-esteem than to get involved with someone like you again. I'm not going to lie, though, it felt good that you were all over me at the reunion. But fuck you anyway.
Then came you. If only I could have loved you the way that you loved me. It was always me pushing you away. But we had problems, and I got sick of fighting with you about them. We loved each other for nine years, but I don't think we were happy for most of that time. We wanted to be, but we weren't. You taught me that there are good guys in the world. You taught me that I am someone who can be adored, despite my faults. You also taught me that I shouldn't settle for someone just because they are a good person.
You are the worst. No one will ever hurt me quite as much as you have hurt me, and I don't know why, because you are so completely wrong for me. I thought you were my savior. I thought you were my movie star love who had come to rescue me. The time that we stayed up all night talking and you kissed me in the elevator was the most romantic night of my entire life. Why did you have to stop liking me so quickly? Why were you so cruel about everything? Why didn't you ever even talk to me about what happened between us? You taught me that people are not what they appear. You taught me to doubt myself and loathe myself and question myself and second-guess myself. What you had to offer was not enough, but I still want it, and I hate myself for that.
You are so insignificant to me now that you only get one line: thanks for reminding me that I do like sex, and thanks for being so fucking good at it.
You were sweet, and I don't know where things went wrong. I blame myself for this one ending. You weren't right for me, but we had fun. You taught me the things that are deal-breakers for me now: I need someone who wants to talk to me everyday, I need someone who wants to see me regularly, and I need someone who is intellectually stimulating. Thanks for having such a beautiful body, though.
You have taken me to the ending point. You have made me feel fat, unworthy, and you have made me feel worse about myself than I did when I first met you (and I felt pretty lousy about myself then). You also taught me that I could love and be loved again. There were so many times that we shared that I wouldn't ever trade for anything. However, you taught me that when a relationship ends it should be OVER. Getting back together after a breakup just doesn't seem to work. You have made me feel hopeful and hopeless simultaneously. You were supposed to be it, but you weren't. I still don't know why you think I'm not good enough for you. I still don't know why you treated someone you love this way. I still don't know why I let you treat me this way.
