Okay, it seems to me that Nathan and his woman actually finally broke up based on a comment that another teacher on our team made. He was kind of being a jerk to me today, making fun of me about the whole thing from Wednesday in front of my entire team. Today was also a bad day because we had to meet with the kids and talk about my teammate who died (last week was conferences, so the kids weren't around when we first found out). They already had been informed by phone, but we had them go to our homeroom classes first and talked to them. Actually, we all got counselors/administrators so we could choose whether to talk or have the counselors talk. We all chose to have them talk. Good thing, too, because I was crying my eyes out the whole time they were discussing it. We then had the announcements and a moment of silence. Since we are team-based the loss really only affects our kids; the kids on the other teams don't know her. Of course it affects all of the teachers. They had a few subs today in case any teachers needed a break. The whole thing was very supportive and good for the kids and teachers, but it was still a hard day. I just can't believe that I won't see my teammate again. Our team was really coming together this year, and she was a part of that, and I just miss her.
Anyway, the whole thing with my coworker is fine. He called me over the weekend and we exchanged a few emails. He is seriously the sweetest guy ever. He really seems to like me, but I told him about all my reservations and trying to stay away from boys and not wanting to date at work etc etc. He understood, but was totally, "Yeah, but..." I went and said hi to him this morning and he complimented my skirt. It was a little awkward being around him, and I felt much more awkward since Nathan made fun of me so much about it. When I told him to stop embarrassing me he made some comment about getting even with me, so I wasn't sure what that referred to. Maybe it was how I told him I hated his woman. Or maybe it was how I was saying bad stuff about her (but I wasn't saying it to him, but he could have overheard?) Or maybe it had something to do with how I had told his friend that I still loved him. You know what? I thought that I didn't still love him, but I think I do. Despite everything. I am such a mess. How do I still love him when I love Chad? How do I still love him after everything? How do I love someone who does not live up to what I thought they were? Whatever.
I made my last entry with all the details private because I am just paranoid lately for some reason...
In any case, I am still resolved not to drink alcohol around coworkers or people I might get in trouble with. And Nathan is definitely one of those people. I'm just sick of talking about him and her and all of that stuff. It makes me feel so pathetic. I'm glad they broke up, though. At least that's something. I honestly don't think I will care if he starts dating someone new, if she is a nice person who doesn't work at our school. It's just...HER.
I went shopping with money that I don't have and bought some cute clothes for the two upcoming parties I am attending. I also bought something cute to wear to school tomorrow to look good for the guy who has a crush on me. Funny how much happier I am when someone likes me. It does make me happy to remember that there are plenty of guys who come along who are interested in me. Keeping them interested is a different story, of course, but who cares.
