Nathan and his woman seem to have gotten back together, which is odd considering a bunch of stuff he told me about her a few weekends ago. Such as he just feels like she is just his best friend, all the sex stuff (or lack thereof), and that he doesn't feel they are soul mates. It is actually a relief, in a way, though, because it keeps me from even considering the possibility...and it also shows just how crazy he is. Speaking from experience, relationships in which people break up and then get back together don't often seem to actually last long. However, maybe it will work for them. It still feels like a rejection in a way, and it will remain something that hurts me because I always question what I am lacking that she has. But it should be a rejection I am glad for, because he will never be what I want or what I need. The same with Chad, but I have a harder time with that one.
I am doing a good job with Chad. There have been a few times that we have talked, but for the most part I have resisted. This is the longest stretch of time we have been able to consistently not talk to each other. I'm doing better with it. I still miss him horribly, and it was especially hard when I did talk to him, so that just confirms that I do need to stay away.
I really miss having a boyfriend, but I don't feel ready to try to date again. I need to get to a place where I am okay with myself, but this is maybe the hardest thing that I have ever tried to do. Not like guys are just knocking down my door or anything, but with online dating it is so easy to meet people and it is tempting. But I just have no desire to go through that. I went on one craigslist date back in December(?) and it was just like...not what I want to be doing. He turned out to be okay, and he text messaged me a few times afterward. But if you can't even call me, what's the point? I just ignored his second text and deleted his number from my phone.
I just miss having someone hug and kiss me, and that's part of what is so tempting with Chad. I can't let him hurt me anymore, though, so I am just staying strong.
Work has been crazy stressful. We did have two snow days last week, which was the best thing ever. We rarely have snow days here--the last time was four years ago. It was so nice! Work has been stressful, though, because our kids have been falling apart. We have been cutting them too much slack. Also, grades have been stressful. We have been doing this intervention program, and part of that is more frequent progress reports and a mandatory study hall for kids with two or more F's. This works out for a very stressful situation when there are too many F kids. I believe in the program, but there are a lot of issues that have come up that we didn't anticipate, and these issues have been really stressful. Anyway. Most of the kids are fabulous, and I love them to death.
Tonight we went to happy hour and then to see Stomp the Yard, and we ran into ten million students. We have resolved never to go to that particular theater again. I don't mind running into students usually, but some of them for some reason assumed that Nathan and I were on a date even though there were three other people there, and that was pure awkwardness.
His latest thing is that he might sell his house and move in with his woman and her mom (she just lost her dad, so she is living with her mom, who recently was diagnosed with cancer,too). To go from breaking up to suddenly going to move in with her and her mom is quite an interesting idea. I wouldn't want to live with anyone else's mom under the best circumstances, but when I was having problems with my significant other...and the mother is someone who I have met and is very overly needy toward Nathan. Anyway, whatever. Definitely not my problem or business. I am sad because she never really hangs out with any of us because she doesn't really like having school friends, so that will mean he will hang out with us less since they are back together...I guess he invited her to Stomp the Yard and she was like no way. That is just the kind of person she is: too good for Stomp the Yard. Okay, to counteract the negativity in this, I will say that I am so happy that I have a group of friends now. I usually have such a hard time inviting people to do stuff, and now I feel like I actually have a group of people that like me and want to hang out with me. That feels so good.
The other wonderful thing is that I get to sleep in tomorrow, which is my favorite thing in the entire world. Goodnight.
