I'm having a pretty good vacation. Here are some updates:
Dating: I had a whirlwind romance (not really) with the guy I mentioned meeting last time who had the big deal-breaker. Here is the deal-breaker, and I have used it as his nickname in real life, too: he lives with his mom. So yeah, I call him Lives-with-his-mom, which I am pretty ashamed of, but that was back in 2007 before I made my reduce smack-talk resolution. He lives with his mom because he is Chinese-American and is the one boy of seven kids...so when his dad died that meant he has to live with his mom, according to Chinese custom. Poor guy. This is a deal breaker, although I found out that if he got married he could move out. In any case, this whole thing was weird. I went on the one date with him and had very little contact with him (I met him from myspace), and then he invited me to his birthday party at a club called Aura. I went with my friend, Liza, who I have become closer with lately . Anyway, he bought me many drinks and I made out with him at the club like a skank. This was the best time ever, though, because it was right after the dance at the middle school, so I kept talking about how they had to play a slow song so we would be able to have our romantic slow dance. Like that is going to happen at a club! But it did! They played all these great songs from the nineties like "The Kissing Game" by Hi-Five, "Freak Me" by Silk, and "Knockin' the Boots" by H-Town. So I had a romantic slow dance with Lives-with-his mom, and we made out. I think that Lives-with-his-mom realized he liked me that night because he probably likes bossy women because of his mom. I was very bossy, and did what I typically do when I get drunk: demand people to buy me drinks, demand compliments, and demand people to make out with me. He did all three and loved it.
So our romance continued, despite the fact that I really don't like him that much, when we went on two more dates. On our third date he gave me a Christmas present, which was an XBOX 360 game. I thought that was sweet (he knew I just got the system, and I think it was a cheaper game), but very over the top for having gone on three dates. Anyway, I was trying to keep things light and casual, and believe it or not, that kind of freaked me out. I'm all for guys being super into me, but the weird thing is that I couldn't even tell if he was...despite my drunken compliment demands, he never ever gave me compliments unless I asked for them. Compliment whores need compliments! So anyway, we were supposed to go to a party on NYE, but the tickets got sold out so he went (it was his friend's party) and I didn't. I was kind of glad. He wanted to hang out the next day, and I told him things weren't working out. I used the (true) excuse that I was not over my ex-boyfriend. I felt a little bit bad, but I was also proud of myself for not leading him on out of loneliness, and for actually being the one to end something for once.
In other dating news, I went on a few more match.com dates. The weird std guy ended up really weirding me out even more the next day--I had sent him a reply to his request for his second date on myspace saying no thanks, but I guess he didn't get it. I had already deleted him from my phone, so when he called I answered without realizing it would be him. He told me he was in my neighborhood and wondered if he could stop by (he didn't know where I lived, just the general area). I was very confused because I was trying to process why he was calling me, and I was like, "Stop by my HOUSE?!" and he said yeah, so I was like, "No, I don't think so!" and I was kind of rude about it. I was just so shocked and weirded out. Even if I liked him, I would not have allowed him to come over to my house--how rude to invite yourself over! So that was awful (I did send him an apology message explaining myself.)
So then I met up with another guy for coffee. He was super shy, and I really do feel sorry for shy guys. He wasn't too awkward, he was just kind of boring and didn't say a whole bunch. I'm shy, but I guess with girls it can be endearing? Poor shy guys. Anyway, I agreed to a second date because he gave me lots of compliments and did seem like a good guy. We went to sushi, and it was super awkward. I guess both of us realized that it was not a good match because I never heard from him again. It's too bad that didn't work out because the one thing he had going for him is that he lives really, really close to my house!
I also went on a date with the pushy engineer. It was actually not that bad. We went to Sapphire Hotel, which I had always wanted to try. I had a delicious salad and delicious drink. He was good looking and smart (although his vocab. words were out of control, and I kind of love it when guys use big words, so that's saying a lot) I had a nice time, but I didn't really think there was a huge amount of chemistry. But at the time, I thought that I could give him another shot if he asked me out. He texted me and asked me out again. Don't ask me out by text! But I said okay, despite that. He also really annoyed me because he communicated with me throughout the week by text rather than calling, and he texted extremely late at night, which actually woke me up one night! I told him to stop. I just feel texting when you don't know someone is pretty impersonal. After my painful sushi date with the other guy, I started really feeling like I shouldn't go out with this guy again. He said he would plan the date, and then he texted me that he wanted to go to this Thai restaurant downtown. I realize this is a lot to ask, but I had previously said I didn't want to go downtown because of my parallel parking issues. I felt annoyed that he didn't remember that. Also, the last time I went to that restaurant was with P, which would make me think about him the whole time. And to be honest, the food wasn't that good. So I kept thinking about how annoying it would be to drive downtown and try to park, and how the food would suck and I would be thinking about P while on a date with this weird republican guy. Yes, his deal-breaker was being republican! It's not a deal-breaker, but it's close. So...I know I sound like such a jerk when I am describing these dates, but I guess I am picky in the beginning? I figured that he probably didn't like me that much since he only communicated by text and there didn't seem to be much chemistry. So I sent him a nice email explaining that I thought he was really nice and cute, but that I thought we both knew the chemistry wasn't there and I was hopefully right in thinking he wasn't that into me anyway. Well, he sent me a very dramatic email in response about how he should "surcease" this "endeavor" because it has been the most "fruitless" thing he has ever done. Then he sent me a nicer, less crazy email about how he was into me and how he was sorry he hadn't complimented me on our date but that I have a delightful smile and laugh. Oh well. I didn't go out with him again.
I also went out with the guy who was too hot for me. I went to sushi with him, too, and realized he was not as hot as his picture. Apparently, he didn't think I was as hot as my picture, either. I had a fun time talking to him, but I think he thought I was too opinionated because I went off on the justice system and punishment versus rehabilitation. I thought I was being very interesting, but I guess not! :) Anyway, I would have gone out with him again, but I'm kind of glad that he wasn't into me...
Of course, I am saving the best date for last. This guy has the exact same name as me except for one letter, which would be sickeningly cute...(so I guess I am supposed to call him "Mr. Boombastic" in here?) Anyway, he works for the same place that P works (which employs thousands of people, and they are in different areas, so they don't actually know each other). He is not an engineer; he does something with chemicals. He is 6'2" with dark hair, and he is a little bit bigger than guys I typically like. Not fat, but more football-playerish. But I do think he's attractive. Anyway, we ended up meeting up at the Doug Fir, which is an ideal first-date place because it is dark. I have this really weird obsession with always thinking my skin is broken out. Sometimes it is, but no one else seems to notice. But it makes me feel better to meet someone for the first time in a dimly lit room. Is this just a crazy me thing? Well, he was really nice and honest and normal. And the best part about it was that we had an almost two hour date that was comfortable and the conversation was interesting and we clicked. Imagine that! So I was really excited about him. He also gave me compliments, and gave me my favorite after-date-immediate-text-message-to-tell-me-how-cute-and-fun-I-am. So this guy got me...and he called me the next day. However, he works some crazy shift at work where he is four-days 12 hours, and it's the night shift, so he said he wouldn't be able to get together or even call for the next few days. But he would email and wanted to see me his first day off. Anyway, he emailed me a few times and was very nice...and I went out with him again tonight.
Our date tonight was really good, too. We went to dinner and then played pool. I was feeling more shy on this date than the first one for some reason. After that, we went to a movie. So we had a pretty long date. I got this umbrella (why have I lived in the rainiest city in the universe for this long and I haven't owned an umbrella for about fifteen years? What a concept! You use an umbrella and your hair and makeup don't get wet!) so I shared it with him, so when we were walking he put his arm around me. It was cute. Then during the movie we sat at a couch so he had his arm around me the whole time there. Finally, at the end of the date he asked if it would be too much to ask to see me again tomorrow. I said that would be fine, and then he kissed me. It was just a small kiss, but it was still nice. He also text messaged me about how he is excited to see me and it was hard to let go of me...ha ha. So I am pretty excited about that.
There is one downer in this whole dating saga, though, which is that I finally hung out with P as friends again after a long time. He has periodically messaged me and said he wanted to hang out and called me to hang out a few times, but it hasn't worked out. One time because he called the day of, and I had plans (and would have pretended to have plans even if I hadn't, because don't call me the day-of like I have no life!) Anyway, I got the idea from his myspace that he is seeing this other girl, but I can't confirm it for sure. Just because I figured out she is friends with the girl who I made out with, and suddenly she is myspace friends with him and leaving him bunches of myspace messages in a row, that obviously had some response on his part (but her myspace is private, so I don't know what). Myspace is really bad for people who obsess such as myself. I also saw a picture on the girl's page where they were all as a group at Mt. Hood, and she was sitting next to him...so something is/was going on. But obviously we both have moved on, even though I think I actually am in love with him and can't get over him. And we have been apart longer than we were dating now, so what is my problem? Ugh. Anyway, he recently sent me a message about how he wants to get together, so we made plans and got together on Sunday. It was really hard. The last time that we saw each other was when I made a bad choice in that I had sex with him and spent the night (kind of to see how I would feel about having a more casual relationship with him) and then I cried about it in front of him. Anyway, I had already told him that it would be the only time and then we could be just friends. So my crying made him realize that obviously we should only be friends because he felt horrible to make me cry (that was the only time he had seen me cry). Anyway, I went to see his new condo (I am so jealous of him), and it was super nice, and then we went to dinner. We basically just chatted and caught up on things. He had hugged me when I got there, and the only other time he touched me was on the way over to dinner he said something like, "You really are cold!" and rubbed my arm. So we talked about EVERYTHING except dating other people. I didn't want to bring it up, and I guess he didn't either. I was kind of wondering the whole time what his intentions were, and whether he might put the moves on me. Well, then at dinner I went to get my card out when the bill came, and he said he would get it. He has always been very quick to pay, which is nice, but I said that we should split it since we are just friends now! He said, "Sassy!" which cracks me up, because who says that. Anyway, we split the bill and then went to his house to watch a movie we had meant to watch together back when we were seeing each other. When we were together we had this running joke about how we could never make it through a movie when we rented them, because we would always start making out. So during the movie it really sucked because I guess we were both thinking about that. I really just wanted to hold his hand or cuddle with him, but that was not happening (because of the just friends comment? because he is seeing someone else? because he doesn't like me anymore? because he doesn't want me to cry again?) Anyway, it sucked, and at the end of the movie he said, "Well, we made it through the whole movie!" Anyway, then he said he needed to get to bed, so I left...and cried all the way home. I just felt rejected all over again, and couldn't stop analyzing the situation. And I just realized how much I really care about him still...it sucked. I guess maybe I shouldn't have hung out with him. Well, I did something that I never, ever do. I called him up on New Year's Day and told him about an upcoming show and asked him if he would want to go. I never ask boys to do anything, I always just wait for them to ask me. Anyway, he said yes right away, like he really wanted to go. So...I am not really sure what I am hoping to accomplish. It's probably a bad idea. But I got some really cute boots and I am going to wear them with a short skirt, and at the very least he will realize how much hotter I am than the girl who he might/might not be seeing. I guess what I am hoping for is that someday he will feel ready to be in a serious relationship with someone, and that if I stay friends with him that person will be me. On the one hand I think I am crazy (and no, I am not waiting for him, and I will continue to date and maybe I will meet someone better), but on the other hand I feel like he is a really great guy who is worth trying to get back...ugh.
Enough about boys. Vacation has been relaxing...Christmas was good and I got some useful presents such as towels and a mini steam-cleaner for when my British cat throws up (all the time). I saw my father and brothers and sisters, and I realized I need to figure out my shit with my dad. It is messing me up in a lot of ways, and I need to figure out how to deal with it rather than being passive-aggressive. I talk about it in therapy, but it is really hard because it is more painful than I ever really allowed myself to face. So who wants to go and feel like crap all the time. But that's what therapy is about, right? My therapist is really good because she calls me on stuff. I am so glad that I found her, because she really has been the best of the bunch, and I do not want to quit even though it has been really difficult. I go once a week or once every two weeks, and I have been since things with P ended. So that is a really positive thing.
I wrote some resolutions, but my biggest resolution for this year is to just have fun. New Year's was pretty low-key. Liza and I spent it at a restaurant and then at a bar downtown counting down, and we took cabs both ways so we could both drink. I had the perfect amount of alcohol, and so did she, and we fell asleep on her couch watching Golden Girls. I didn't feel bad at all about not having anyone to kiss, and that is something that I NEVER thought I would say. I was really happy to spend it with my friend, because if I haven't realized anything this year, true friendship is the most important thing to me. It has kept me going so much to have great friends in my life.
I'm sad my vacation is almost over, but I am glad that I have a chance to have a new, wonderful year. :)
