I guess you could say that I'm feeling a little bit better. Chad called me yesterday, of course, and I talked to him about how I really do need him to not call for two weeks. It's going to be hard, but I guess it is the best thing. I need to think about where I want to be rather than what feels good right now, right? That's what my therapist said, ha ha. Anyway...I know he'll be thinking about me and I'll be thinking about him, so I guess it will work out okay. If I'm going to be friends with him, I have my whole life to do that, and right now I just need to take care of myself. Of course, he ended the conversation by saying, "I love you, baby." Which is just...ugh. I know he's being unfair to me, even though he's not really doing it on purpose, but damn. I know I have no control over him or what he feels, but why does he want to leave me again? Why? He loves me, he has fun with me, he misses me when we haven't seen each other for a day, but...he's not ready for a relationship and doesn't think our relationship is going anywhere. Okay. Whatever.
I went on a no-sugar diet with my friend Mandy. She started on New Year's Day, but I started the next day. Anyway, I had a horrible nightmare last night that I accidentally just started eating a bunch of candy! I was so disappointed in myself, but luckily it was just a bad dream. So it's been five days of no sweets, which is pretty good. I've also been eating healthy food only. It's not that I need to lose a bunch of weight, but I would like to lose a few pounds and feel healthy, and I felt so much better when I wasn't eating sugar. I'm still eating fruit and that kind of thing, just not the usual daily allotment of candy, cookies, etc.
I haven't seen What Not to Wear before, but there was a special on Oprah (it's weird watching TV because I barely ever do, but I've been sick). I loved it! I love makeover shows. I can't believe what some people wear. I am not like a fashion diva, but I hope I don't ever wear things that are so awful. I wish I had more money to spend on clothes.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am seriously considering trying to find a roommate. One of my poker night friends got a roommate who is really cool. She found her on craigslist. Anyway, what if I found a roommate who could be a cool new friend? I can afford to be picky since I don't NEED one, and the extra money would help solve some of my financial problems. There are some things I am concerned about, though. First, since I no longer have a boyfriend that I spend the night with all the time, I would be stuck here with her all the time (unless she has a boyfriend, I guess). Second, my cat is crazy, and she'd have to deal with that. Third, I don't live in a cool area AT ALL. It's probably the most opposite of a cool area (unless you want to count Beaverton, but maybe it's even just as bad). It might be hard to get someone to move out here. We'll see. I have to do a bit of cleaning, especially of the room they would stay in, before I can really seriously think about this. I think there would definitely be some pros and cons, but especially now I really would like someone else around. We'll see what happens.
Anyway, I am finally feeling better healthwise, but my right ear is really hurting. I hope I am not getting an infection from my cold. I am someone who gets ear infections really easily. They SUCK.
How old did you turn in 2005? 28 Was it a good age? I just turned 28 in October, but I had a really good birthday and Christmas. I was starting to think things were looking up. Did you lose anyone close to you in 2005? No one close to me died, but I did find out that two of my old students died in car accidents. I also found out that my ex-boyfriend from high school died. As far as losing someone close to me, my friend K seems to have stopped hanging out with me, despite some attempts on my part. I also lost Jose, but we are now friends again. Finally, I lost my ex-boyfriend, Ben, because he said he would be friends with me but then never called me again. Sometimes I wonder what his purpose in my life was. Maybe I will never know. Did you make out in 2005? Yes, this is something that I did a lot of. Ha ha. Making out with someone for the first time is one of the best feelings...and I did that with two new guys this year. Did you kiss in 2005? Yes Did you drink in 2005? Yes. Not that often, but when I did, I inevitably drank too much. Did you smoke in 2005? Yes. Chad smokes, so I tried it a few times when I had been drinking. I hate it, so I don't know why I tried it again. Did you question your sexual orientation? No, but sometimes I wished I liked girls. I did get hit on by a girl for the first time this year, though!
School/Work in 2005
Did you get a new job/go to a new school? My job split into two, so I had to interview for the one I wanted. I am now just teaching reading instead of reading and writing. If yes, was this a change for the better? I don't really know. I like certain parts of it, but I miss doing journals with the kids. I got to know them a lot better and we had some great discussions. SSR just doesn't spark the same kind of conversation.
Did you get good grades? I am still finishing the stupid online class I signed up for. Online classes are, surprisingly, not something good for procrastinators like me.
How you looked in 2005
How tall were you? 5'9" 1/2 Did you gain any weight? I think I gained about five pounds that I lost, but that weight fluctuates so much for me. I am anywhere from 135-140 any time that I get on the scale. As long as I don't go over 140 I am pretty happy, but I would prefer to stay 135. Did you go on a diet? Only on my life crisis diet. I highly recommend it next time you go through a life crisis. Everyone will say, "You look so sad...but so skinny!" Yay. Did you try to gain weight? Why would I do that? What color was your hair? For about a month and a half I had brown hair with blondish streaks. Then I went back to my normal dark brown color. It seems to get darker and darker at the salon, and they don't seem to really know how to control it. But I only pay $40 ($50 with tip, of course) and at a better place it would be way more. And they are super nice. Did you dye it, if so what color? See above.
Love Life
How many boyfriends did you have? I had one almost boyfriend and two real boyfriends (One of whom turned back into an almost boyfriend...sigh.) How many times were you dumped? Two official times. Probably about four or five unofficial times. How many people did you dump? None...and my goal was to break some hearts myself this year! Ugh. How many people did you make out with? Three How many people did you kiss? Three Did you like all of them? Yes, definitely. Were you cheated on? Technically no, but Jose was seeing someone else while he was seeing me. I didn't think he was, but we were allowed to see other people. Did you cheat on anyone? No. I came close though.
Wellness
Were you sick often? Probably. I'm sick pretty often. What was the worst sickness that you had? I really don't remember. Were you in the hospital at all? No Were you depressed at all? Yes, enough so that I started going to therapy. How much school/work did you miss in total?I think that I probably missed about four or five days last school year. What is your best memory from the summer? The second trip to Las Vegas was really great. I also had a great time visiting my friend in San Jose. I met Chad for the first time this summer and we had REALLY great first and second dates. Finally, just walking every day with my friend Mandy was fun. What is something that happened in the summer that was really funny? When Mandy said, "Never ask the bitches!" when it comes to customer service. It was so unlike her and it cracked me up. Did you meet anyone new? I met Ben and Chad. Did you do anything stupid? Yes. I stayed with Jose too long. I stayed with Ben too long. I stayed with Chad too long. Do we sense a pattern here? Go to any camps? Camping is my worst nightmare. I don't like being dirty. Any jobs? The same job as usual. No summer jobs.
Friends
Did you make any new friends? I can't remember if I started my poker nights in 2005 or not. Those were the only people that I really became new friends with. Did you lose any friends? My friend K seems to have drifted away. I've been less in touch with my friend Lucia. Were you teased? Yes, but usually in a fun way. Did you make or lose more? Neither Who was your closest friend? Mandy Did you gain contact with any old friends? Yes--I saw some old friends at my 10-year reunion. I regained contact with my friends April and my friend Jack from high school. Even though Jack didn't go to the reunion I talked to his friend, who gave him my email, and I got to see him before he left for Idaho. I just realized I forgot to write about that in here. Did any friends move?Jack moved right after he got in touch with me.
Random
How did you make money? By molding the minds of future generations. Or by baby sitting them. However you want to look at it. Did you see any bands perform live? Yes. I saw my brother's band perform twice, Speechwriters LLC, The Decemberists, Ben Lee, Liz Phair, Sexton Blake, and some other band I forgot. Any pets? My cat. I got her in December of 2004, though. What are you looking forward to most in the upcoming year? Becoming happy without being with a guy. Not dating for awhile. Getting myself together. Going on a trip to see my sisters and brothers on the east coast this summer! Will it be a better year? It's started out crappy, but come on. It has to be better than last year. (In fairness, I had a pretty good end of the year.) At least Chad made me realize the majority of things I want in a relationship (he has all of them except the most important part--he doesn't want to be with me anymore).
Okay, the end of that survey.
