I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but my first year of college I want to a private all-womens' school. I got out of there the next year, because it was not at all what I expected. Something that has stayed with me from that experience, though, is curiosity about how gender roles are defined in homosexual relationships, and how much society influences those roles. And, I guess, whether or not it is possible to decide to be gay. The inevitable question is why would anyone choose to be a part of a group that is put down, oppressed, etc. But! I saw it happen over and over again in college--girls (who started out "straight" and with boyfriends) becoming lesbians by the end of our first year. So were they already lesbians, and in a supportive pro-lesbian environment able to finally embrace it? Or were they just going through the college-girl-who-takes-a-gender-studies-class-and-decides-that-the-man-is-keeping-her-down-so-decides-to-experiment-with-an-alternative-lifestyle-until-she-gets-out-of-college-and-realizes-she-is-straight-afterall phase? Or were they so susceptible to peer pressure that they just became lesbians to fit in with the rest of the women at the school? Or were they just bored and horny without men around, so they turned to women?
From the small amount I have read about men and women in prison, I think that the same questions apply. Do people who were previously "straight" take on homosexual roles and relationships to survive, because there is no one of the opposite sex to fulfill them sexually, or because they are in an environment where it is acceptable to explore that side of themself? I don't know.
So the reason I started thinking about this is not anything dramatic like I am questioning my sexuality, but because there was a banner that said something like, "Did I say roommate? I meant lesbian lover!" So I started thinking about how every lesbian woman that I know who isn't completely open about it has introduced me to her girlfriend by saying, "Have you met my roommate?" And really, it's sad to think about having to be in the position where you feel like you have to do that, when I am in the position where I don't have to even think about saying, "Have you met my boyfriend?" I don't have to worry about being judged or hated or even just thought of in a different way because of my partner of choice.
So even though this is just a matter of idle curiosity about something that really isn't my business and doesn't really affect me personally, this is actually an issue that people in Oregon have to think about and evaluate because of the upcoming election. There is a measure on the ballot that calls for the state constitution to define marriage as being between a man and a woman. On my way home from work every day I pass by a huge sign outside of a church that says to vote yes on this issue: "One Man, One Woman." After about a week, I noticed that someone had spray-painted an X through the "yes" part of the sign.
I think that the measure will be defeated, but I haven't been reading the local paper enough to know the polling statistics.
Speaking of politics, I didn't watch the debates this year. I already know who I am voting for, and I just didn't feel like getting pissed off. I am glad to see that Kerry is now even with Bush in the polls, but who knows what is going to happen. I am just keeping my fingers crossed.
In other news, my birthday is Wednesday. I already went out to celebrate it this weekend with my favorite friends from school. I had so much fun--we went to this restaurant that I wanted to go to for so long, and they wouldn't let me pay for my dinner and expensive drinks even though I was the one who invited them to come. It was so sweet. I drank a lot, but not enough to get completely ridiculous.
So things are going well, and I am getting used to being in this huge empty apartment by myself. I need to work on decorating it, so I am looking into getting some artwork and stuff for the walls, but I am decorating on zero budget since I now have a car payment!
I did order this really cool photo of water running in a bathroom from Nicole to put in my guest bathroom. I can't wait until it arrives. She has some amazing photography on her site. There is another picture of some trees in the snow at night that I really like, too. I have kind of decided that I am only going to buy things for my apartment that I really love, so it might be a while before it stops being so empty. I also really lucked out because my friend from school is getting a new table set, and I need one so she is giving me her old one which is really cute and perfect for me.
Can I just say that Avril Lavigne is my new guilty pleasure? I love her two famous songs right now, especially "Don't Tell Me." I broke down and bought the CD today, along with the latest Death Cab for Cutie CD. By the way, I have tickets to go see Death Cab on November 10th! I'm so excited to see them live for the first time. We also have a day off the next day for Veteran's Day, so it works out perfectly.
Okay. I am going to try to make some dinner plans for my birthday. It's going to be weird without Justin, but I am going to manage.
