I'm finally back at home now. Last night was the first night that I spent here by myself, and I spent the majority of my time cleaning and rearranging stuff. I now have a completely clean house, but it is on the empty side because of the furniture that Justin took with him.
Last night was really hard because I had to be here while Justin was getting the last of his stuff, something that I really wanted to avoid. The deal was supposed to be that he would have all of his stuff gone before I came back, but things don't always work out the way that you plan. He left me kind of a mess, but I guess it gave me something to do. He was nice enough to help me set up my TV/VCR/DVD/Stereo nightmare, and move some furniture. I just couldn't stop crying after he left. I know I will see him again, but knowing that that part of my life is over is really, really hard. Even though I am the one who chose to do this, and even though I don't have those kinds of feelings for him anymore, it is still so hard to go through this. My life has completely changed now, and I can't take it back.
It's also hard because I have so many things that remind me of him. As I was rearranging my drawers I came across all of these old letters and mementos. Hello, we went to my high school prom together. How can I see these things without feeling some sense of regret?
I know I will get through this. I may look into moving into another apartment, or another apartment in this complex. I hate my downstairs neighbors anyway. Right now the smoke detectors are chirping and I can't figure out why. I changed all four smoke detector batteries with fresh ones, and they are still chirping. They are driving me insane.
I've still been spending time with some of my coworkers, so that has been really nice. What sucks is that my birthday is coming up, and my mom is working until eight that night. So I can do something with her, but not until later. I don't really know who to ask to do something, and it just makes me feel sort of pathetic. Birthdays are never that great for me anyway, but at least I knew that I had my mom and Justin to spend them with.
I played poker with my coworkers on Friday and actually won some of the money. Everyone put in five dollars, and I left with twelve. I guess I'm getting better at playing, or maybe I was just lucky. What was funny was that I had too much to drink and I seemed to be playing better.
I like a guy from my work, but I don't know if it really is going to go anywhere or not. I know that I need to take things slow and not jump into something after getting out of huge relationship. But at the same time I don't want to wait. So who knows what is going to happen with that.
I made up with my cousin. It was so good to talk to her again. I was the one who finally emailed her, and then we talked on the phone. I am glad that we made up.
Nothing else is really going on. I need to get off the computer and go grocery shopping and get my outfits ready for the week. I ended up putting the iron and ironing board in my bedroom now that I have such a huge closet all to myself. The bedroom seems bigger, too, since it went from having a king size bed to having a full. Anyway, hopefully having the ironing board in there will make my life easier. From now on I am doing things my way. I am only buying things for my house that I really love, so it may be empty for awhile. I really want to get a nice nightstand and a small wicker thing for the entryway (to put my keys and stuff on). Okay, enough.
