It's funny how I said that I felt sad that Chad didn't call me later on that night in my last entry because when he called me yesterday he was like, "I thought you would call me back yesterday." He said that since I got off the phone with him he thought I would call and he was sad I didn't. We ended up talking for about two hours and he was being his usual self with me. As in, he was being flirty and saying he missed me and blah blah. I am confused and annoyed. We'll see how it is hanging out with him. We previously had planned to hang out on Thursday and I would spend the night and then hang out on Friday, too. Well, I told him last night that obviously that wouldn't be happening and he was saying how much he wanted me to spend the night as friends. Um. Okay. Even if we do that as friends it is still intimate to sleep in the same bed with someone, you know? I realize I need to talk to him less (two hours?) but am not really to that stage yet. Or something. It is nice to feel missed, though, but I doubt it means he's going to want me back. And if he does, I need to say no anyway, because I need to deal with my stuff.
Being back at school was weird. I hate coming back after a sub because the room is a disaster. I felt guilty when people asked how I was doing, but you know what? I can't help it if I am having emotional problems. I need to just accept that.
Anyway, I made plans with Mandy to have happy hour on Friday, so that will be nice. I almost didn't because I was thinking I would be hanging out with Chad still, but what's that? The guy who breaks my heart gets to hang out with me instead of one of my best friends? No. And I miss hanging out with her.
My kids were decent today for me. I'm tired of being mad at the kids all the time. I'm tired of going through a class period without smiling or laughing more than a few times. I'm just fed up with them and my reaction to them. I have never been so snappish toward kids before. They are a tough group, but I want to be more positive and fun like I used to be. I want to have fun and not feel like I hate being at work. I am working on ways to change it, but it's hard. One thing I have been doing is coming up with more "fun" lessons, so hopefully that can help bring them around.
Tomorrow is going to be a good day because I will be done with all my grading (I brought a bunch home tonight), I have my appointment, and I will see Chad. At least I hope it will be a good day. Since I met Chad, this is the longest I have gone without seeing him (since Saturday). Ugh.
Oh, I also lost that five pounds I said I gained, and I wasn't even in starvation mode. I don't know how that happened. Maybe I gained it back today, who knows. I actually drank 2 liters of water today, so that is my new goal. Next week is the American smokeout, and I'm trying to get Chad to do it and I will stop drinking diet pop in exchange. He hates it that I drink pop all the time, and obviously I hate it that he smokes all the time. So I'm hoping he will go for it. Anyway, either way I am going to drink more water because I felt so much better today (although I had to go to the bathroom about forty times, which is difficult when you are a teacher).
Okay, that's about it. My entries are boring lately, but I can't help it!
