I made a counseling appointment for Thursday, so hopefully it will all go well. I checked into my insurance, and after the deductible it covers 90% of each visit, and I have 31 visits left that are covered until August 2006. So that seems promising. Anyway, the counselor seemed really nice on the phone, and so far she seems easy to talk to. I am kind of a superficial beeyotch, though, so maybe my opinion will change when I meet her.
I did do some school work today, and went through a bunch of mail that was stacking up. I still have to do some grading before tomorrow, but I am feeling okay right now. I haven't cried yet today, so that's alright I guess. Why can't things just go back to how they were? Why can't he just adore me like he did at first? I was sad yesterday, because usually he calls me from work and he didn't. He called earlier, and I got off the phone with him kind of abruptly, but still. I miss him. I miss everything.
I also totally did a I have a boyfriend so now I don't interact with anyone else thing, too, so I don't talk to any of my friends on a regular basis. I did talk to Mandy about what was going on, and my mom, but that's it. I don't really have many local friends, anyway, but I was talking to my friends Cassandra and Jasmine a lot and that just sort of stopped because I was so busy with Chad. I guess I have to renew my friendships now.
You would think it would get easier dealing with getting broken up with when you have gone through it four times in a year, but it really doesn't. It's still so hard. At least now I can see that the other three weren't the right guys for me, but I feel like I will never feel like that about Chad. Maybe I will. It just seems like with him the fundamental things that I wanted in a relationship were all there. We had stuff to work on, but for the most part things were good. But now...I don't know if you can ever get that back. Anyway, I guess I'll talk to him later.
I've gained five pounds since school started/since I started hanging out with Chad. So I'm hoping I can lose the weight because I'm starting to feel fat. I'm not going to go on the life crisis diet again.
I really am looking forward to my counseling session. Hopefully I will feel comfortable with her and be able to tell her everything.
