Yeah, it's another day. Thanks for the supportive notes/emails. It's nice having an online diary instead of a personal diary, because you get feedback. Thank you!
So...after I wrote last night, I talked to Chad again for a little bit. I pretty much spent all day sleeping. I called in sick because I can't deal with my life. I also called in sick for tomorrow. I haven't done that before, and my life is a mess, and I feel like it is justified. Yes, I feel guilty, but I'm sorry. All of my life tragedies are getting to be too much. I know it is such bullshit, too, because other people have real problems. But my problems feel pretty real right now, too.
The counselor that I called didn't call me back, so I'm going to pick someone else off of the list and leave them a message. I need to set this up soon.
I just basically slept all day. I did watch The Office Special which I had never seen. I was so happy how it all turned out. I thought, like I thought with Sex and the City that they probably wouldn't give me what I wanted. But, like with Sex and the City, they gave me exactly what I wanted. So that was encouraging.
I'm not sure what I am going to do about the Chad situation. He called me when he woke up. When I hear his ringtone ("You Got it Bad" by Usher, if you wondered), I get so excited. But he, of course, did not call to tell me he changed his mind. He just called, like he does every day, to say hi. I didn't stay on the phone long (14 minutes--it's so annoying that you can check all of that on cell phones. Not good at all for obsessive people like me.) I tried to get off as soon as I could. I didn't want to be all sad and stupid again. I embarrassed myself enough yesterday crying and being stupid. We had talked for awhile and then he said he had to go and would call me back. It gave me enough time to calm down, and when he called back I said that I had embarrassed myself enough and he said, "We're past that. I didn't once think that you were embarrassing yourself when we were talking." There are things about him that I love so much, and one of them is how kind he is. Oh well. I just feel like I'm at the point where I'm realizing that it's not going to happen, but I really can't face that, so I am still in denial. Whatever. The things that we have are so great that I don't know how he can let it go, despite all of the issues, but I can't make someone love me...or I guess love me that way.
