I'm lonely. I want a boyfriend. I know that I am not supposed to want a boyfriend, and I am supposed to take this time to be by myself and reflect on what I want and improve myself and blah blah. But I really want a boyfriend.
It's funny to me how Liz Phair's song "Fuck and Run" has always spoken to me, but I have never, ever been in that situation. I've always had a boyfriend. I've never had sex with random people and regreted it. So why does that song seem so fitting to me and my life? Am I doomed to always be lonely?
I do know what I don't want. I don't want to love the person I am with but hate them at the same time. I don't want to feel like everyone else has something that I want. I don't want to wonder if everyone else is as miserable as I am. I don't want to feel like I would be willing to throw it all away for one passionate kiss. I don't want to just feel resignation all the time. I don't want to fight over stupid shit that has nothing to do with what we are really fighting about.
I want someone who calls me before he goes to bed at night just because he's my boyfriend. I want someone who makes me laugh. I want an adult. I want someone who buys me little gifts for no reason. I want someone who opens doors for me. I want someone who wants me to be the mother of his children. I want someone who wants me as much as I want him, but not more, and not less.
