I finally have the Internet and cable TV again, and I've been online for a dreadfully long time. I didn't really even have time to miss it, being so busy with moving, but I'm glad I have it again.
The move went smoothly, really, although we aren't really unpacked at all (due to Justin not being here yet, and me being completely exhausted and unmotivated). Justin will be done with class tomorrow, so will finally be here for good. It seems so strange to think of us living together. I can't even really believe I am living here yet. I keep thinking it is temporary and any second I will be back in Small town, USA.
So what have I been doing with myself in the last few weeks?
1. I saw Holes and How to Deal with Elizabeth. We saw them both in one day at the $1.50 theater. I loved Holes and was disappointed with How to Deal. I read both Holes and the two books that How to Deal was based on, and Holes was a much better adaptation of the book (I think partly because the author adapted the book for the screenplay, while How to Deal was not adapted by the wonderful author, but by someone else). I thought Holes was so good that I want to buy it; I thought it would be good, but it was surprisingly better than even I thought it would be. How to Deal was cute, but there were too many totally unrealistic parts where the teenagers acted completely unlike any teenagers I have ever met, and said things no teenager would ever say. And that's not how Ms. Dessen's books are--they are some of the best young adult novels I have read. I guess my expectations were too high or something.
2. On the same visit I got extremely drunk and acted my usual drunken self. I'm tired of waking up the morning after drinking and having that horrible experience of asking myself, "What stupid thing did I do last night?" Then I have to go over each incident to decide if I should be embarrassed or not. This time I was excruciatingly embarrassed because I started CRYING in front of them over some dumb thing that happened over four years ago! I don't even know why I started crying, and I have only cried in front of Mark one other time in my life (over a very serious matter). Anyway, they were both very sweet and understanding, and related "that's nothing, let me tell you about the time I got drunk at a wedding and fell down and my thong was showing" stories, but I still felt stupid. And no, no plans to stop drinking yet. HA HA.
3. Finished Wonder Boys which was fabulous, and read Fast Food Nation. My friend Cassandra has been looking for one of those "life-changing" books, and this is it! EVERYONE should read this book right now. I have not eaten fast food, and I have not eaten beef since I finished it. It has only been a few days, but still. I would give this book a five star rating. I was completely fascinated by it, and I couldn't stop telling everyone all about what I was learning.
4. Finally saw Bowling for Columbine. I really liked it, although it was disheartening. Why is Canada looking so much like a utopian society in comparision to the United States lately?
5. Spent over eight hours with Justin cleaning up my old house to attempt to get my deposit back. It worked, and I got all $595 dollars back (part was counted for the last twelve days I was there). Justin is a cleaner extraordinaire--apparently anal retentiveness pays off! I split the remainder of the deposit with him, but unfortunately he had to use his half to pay bills. I am using mine, I think, to buy a new futon for the guest room. We discovered the futon mattress was all moldy on the bottom when we moved it. I was disgusted, since I have been sleeping on it for the last year and a half, but we threw it out and now have no guest bed.
6. Took my mom out to dinner (to thank her for helping us move) at this great Thai restaurant and had the most delicious soup ever. The best thing is that I have one in my new neighborhood, too.
7. Went to the library here and updated my address so I could check out more books.
8. Discovered that the people at the Safeway here are just as friendly as the people at the Safeway in Small town, USA. I thought it was just the small town thing, but apparently they train those people to be super helpful. When I worked at Safeway as a teenager we weren't quite so gung ho about it.
9. Have driven down the streets around here in this small town state of shock over how much STUFF there is. The amount of restaurants in my new neighborhood blows my mind. I have also had a few other small town moments such as getting out of the car with Justin and seeing two young men at ten at night and feeling unfounded fear. I would never have felt that way before I moved to the small town, but something about being back in a big city made me feel scared. How ridiculous.
10. Had my cable installed by this adorable guy with a Russian(?) accent. He saw my My So-Called Life DVDs and said, "Oh, you like that show? My wife is mad about it." I thought it was so cute. The poor man had to run up and down the three flights of stairs about four times to hook up all of the outlets, and it was an incredibly hot day. I offered him something to drink and he was so thankful and grateful that I felt bad. He thanked me twice for it, making me think that someone offering him a drink was rare. Justin used to work for a furniture delivery company and he said that it IS really rare and so it is nice when someone DOES offer you a drink. It just seems so obvious that someone might be thirsty, but apparently not. So that is the lesson for the day--remember that people might be thirsty and act accordingly!
I am DREADING school. No, I'm not dreading school. I'm looking forward to meeting the kids and teaching. I'm dreading PLANNING. I hate planning. And even more, I hate grading.
I got something in my email from EMODE about an IQ test I took a long time ago on their site. I took the test, but then they wanted me to buy something to be able to analyze what my score meant. I had no idea what the score might mean (and no idea about the accuracy of their test, anyway). But when I got this reminder, I did a search online and the score that I got is supposedly really high. I am somewhat skeptical about the whole thing, but it really got me thinking about all of my insecurities. I always used to think of myself of really smart. I was in the special smart program when I was in elementary school (until I quit because I hated it). I learned to read at an early age and was always reading, and my mom has always made me feel like I was really smart. Then came different things that made me feel stupid, like getting my first C in math in sixth grade. Then came the SATs, which really made me feel horrible. So I'm not so smart afterall. That's what it felt like when I got the results. It's a stupid test, but apparently I have so much pride that I can't even put my score up here. Even though I always did well in school, and did well on most tests that the teachers gave me, it still was a huge blow to my self-esteem. I think ever since then I have had this insecurity that I am not very smart. With the exception of biology my freshmen year of college, I have always done very well in college classes (all A's and B's). But still, I just feel stupid. I feel stupid that I don't know how to spell certain words, and I feel stupid that there are SO MANY WORDS that I don't know. I ask my mom as I am reading what a word means, and she knows the definition offhand. Maybe because she is so smart it makes it hard for me. I just want to know everything--is that too much to ask?
So somehow this whole IQ thing made me all excited, which is really sick, because I truly believe that IQ tests are completely inaccurate, etc. So how funny is it that I feel affirmed in some way by a stupid test?
I especially feel stupid because I'm supposed to be some bigtime smartiepants teacher. What a joke.
I guess I'm just having the typical fears that come with another school year starting. "They're all going to laugh at you!" They're all going to realize I'm a big idiot, and a fake, and not a real teacher. Poor me. Really, I make myself want to throw up sometimes when I get in these states.
I got some trashy books at the library to read, so that might make me feel better.
I really am looking forward to this whole living together thing. I feel really good about our relationship and I love the apartment and I love Justin. I think it will be great.
