Okay, here's my new schtick--I write about my terrible Craigslist dates and then you cringe and feel sorry for me.
So, lucky CL date number #3 was a 24-year-old guy who is in the Air Force and in school. Yeah, he's a little young, but he sounded mature and sweet from his ad and emails. I thought it was a little bit weird how when we talked on the phone he kind of insisted on an activity date rather than just meeting for a drink, but I said if he wanted to plan an activity I would go along with it. Well, yesterday he called me to tell me that we would be going to a Mexican restaurant in the Pearl and then walking around the new parks they have there. He noted that the restaurant was cheap ("I wonder why he mentioned that, when he will be paying for me," I thought naively. Um, no.). So we meet there and I see him and immediately notice that he has braces. Well, he wasn't smiling in his picture. There's nothing wrong with braces, but it is a little unusual and makes you look a lot different than your picture that doesn't show that you have them. But whatever. So the restaurant is like a Tacqueria, and you go up to the counter to order your food. So we are looking at the menu and he asks if I decided yet. I say yes and he goes, "Should I pay for you, or are you going to pay for yourself?" I'm like, "I can pay for myself." What am I supposed to say to that? He goes, "Yeah, because you make more money than me." I just thought it was rude. I realize he is a student, but what if I had been a student, too? I thought it was a cardinal rule of first dates that the guy pays, and it was the cardinal rule that the girl offers to pay, but the guy doesn't let her. At least that's how it is worked in my life up until this moment. I am all about taking turns paying after the first date, but on the first date the boy is supposed to impress you, right? Anyway, way to start off on the right foot.
So we start talking and things are going okay, but I already know that I am not into him. You just know whether you have that spark or whether you don't most of the time, right? But I was trying to give him a chance and get to know him, because I am trying to see these people as potential friends, too.
So almost immediately we are talking about other craigslist dates, and I said I had responded to a few ads and would see how they go. He says that he hopes for selfish reasons they go badly because he, "really likes my hair." Which was sweet of him to say, but a little bit forward and awkward. So we finish eating and go walk around for awhile and just talk. He compliments my hair no less than four more times. I get it, you like my hair. The worst time was when he said something about it and I said, "Yeah, I know I play with my hair a lot." And he responds by saying that he would like to play with my hair, too, but that probably wouldn't be comfortable yet. I'm like, "No." When he gave me all of these compliments I reacted by laughing uncomfortably and making little eye contact so he wouldn't think I was encouraging it. Anyway, a little bit later we were talking about craigslist and I mentioned that I always love to look at the free section and the pictures of free kittens. Then I made a joke about how I can't get another one because then I would go from being single woman with cat to single woman with CATS. He says, "We might be able to take care of the single part." I just wanted to DIE. Oh, earlier he also really pissed me off because we were talking about Waldorf schools and how the teacher moves up with the class. I said that would be really difficult for a teacher because you can't use any of the same curriculum from year to year, you have to start fresh each year. He made a joke about teachers actually having to do some work, and I was like, "Don't even get me started on how much I work." He said he was kidding and then asked me what I did with my free time this summer. I made sure to list all my teaching related activities for him. I was so annoyed.
Anyway, we went to have a drink after walking around, because I couldn't think of a way to get out of it. Once again, he went up and ordered his own drink, and I then had to order mine. If at this point he realized he liked me and wanted to see me again, maybe he should try to impress me by buying me a drink. But no. Maybe guys reading this are like, "Who is this pretentious snob, he obviously is in college, and you're a professional with more money than him? And by the way, I thought you were all about equal rights." But I just thought it was rude, and I hope that doesn't make me a snob or hypocrite.
So I'm done with my drink, he's done with his drink. It's 9:45 and the date started at 7. I know I don't like him, I don't want to spend another 5 dollars to have a drink with someone who makes me uncomfortable, so I say that we should get going. He makes a joke about how I am tired of him and I am like, "Well, I have to work on a presentation tomorrow so I have to get up early." That's actually not a lie, but I don't have to do it tomorrow.
So we start walking and he says, "So we should do this again soon." Just like the other guy, he put me on the spot. He obviously thinks this date has gone extremely well.
So I decided to be honest and told him that I just didn't think we connected that way, and that I thought we connected more in a friendship way. My reasoning is that if you are going to put me on the spot, you are taking the chance that I will say no, and you should be able to take it. Wouldn't you rather know right now, when you ask, then have me say, "Yeah," and then not return your calls when you call me to schedule the next date? Or would you rather get all excited about it and then be rejected later? I'd rather know right away. Apparently CL date #3 did not want to know the truth. He became extremely angry with me and argued with me the rest of the way to where I was parked. He said he couldn't believe I would decide that after only spending 2 hours and 45 minutes with him. I explained the whole concept of chemistry and spark and how you just know if it's not there. He said he has never had that happen and needs to have more time with someone. I said I always know right away. I said I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to waste his time, and he seemed like a nice guy (not at this point at all, he seemed like a fucking jerk the way he was practically yelling at me.) Anyway, he was PISSED. It sucked. It's not like he lost anything, other than the TWO HOURS AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES that we both lost of our lives. It's not like he paid for the date or anything. UGH.
So I am ashamed to say that Jose called me earlier, right as I was about to go on the date. This was the first time he had called since our previous conversation. I had to go, but said I would call him back. I was so frustrated over the date that I called him back and vented to him (I KNOW!) He said that the guy was a jerk and a loser and his ego hurt. His advice was that if a guy puts me on the spot asking to see me again, to be very vague and say that I will give him a call but that I would probably be busy during the upcoming week. He said that guys can't take rejection like girls can, and they don't want honesty like that. It was interesting advice, especially coming from my nemesis, Jose. I don't have many boy readers, but if you want to weigh in on the debate, please do. I promise you that I am a completely sweet, demure, shy, kind person, and when I reject someone I am not doing it in a mean way at all. So, be honest and upfront about no second date, or be vague and dishonest, and then say no or avoid the phone call later?
Maybe this won't be a problem again. Maybe the next two dates that I have planned will reject me instead of me rejecting them. Or maybe we will both like each other. That's what I'm hoping because already this CL thing is getting OLD.
So the next date that I am going on is with a guy who is 29, from Boston, and seems like a smart ass. I liked talking to him on the phone more than I liked either of the last guys, but he seems a little arrogant and talks about himself too much. His picture neither repulsed me or attracted me, but he did have facial hair, which I hate. He also mentioned to me that the place we are going to has "stiff drinks that are inexpensive" so maybe I should be prepared to pay for myself again, huh?
The date I am going on on Sunday is the one I am most excited about. He is 24, too, which may be the new 31 (unlucky age), but he is the only guy I have talked on the phone with so far that I had no red flags with. He was completely nice and normal and funny based on our conversation. I also liked his picture the best of all the pictures, and he mentioned he is part Japanese, which makes him the most qualified when it comes to my type.
Although it may not seem like it, I really am trying to go in with an open mind. But you can't change whether you are attracted to someone or not. You are or you aren't. I had a best friend in high school who was a guy who I adored. We talked for hours, had so much fun together, and he had all the qualities I was looking for in a boyfriend. He also would have gotten together with me if I wanted to. But I just wasn't attracted to him. Sometimes you have a "maybe" feeling toward someone, but like Jack Johnson says, maybe pretty much always means no, anyway. If I have a "maybe" I will definitely go on a second date if asked, but these two were definite nos.
Speaking of Jose, I am not trying to be friends with him or anything like that. I just called him back in a moment of weakness. But I am not going to get sucked into his evil web again. I don't even think I would be attracted to him anymore because he is such a nightmare. So don't even worry about the phone call.
Tomorrow's date has to be better than tonight's, but if it isn't, I guess I will have a fun recap for you.
Edited to Add:
On the plus side of the two CL dates, they did both make me feel attractive and desirable, something that I don't feel much of lately after being rejected so much. If only the attraction was mutual...
