I'm back because I've started Craigslist dating again, and I know that you want to hear all about it. I went on my first bad date tonight, so that is always a fun entry!
So what have I been up to lately? Just hanging out with friends. I have become really close to Olivia and Scarlett from work, and we spend almost all our free time together. I went through a rough place for a while there, with many Chad relapses, but now we are working on just being friends...hence the dating. I put off dating for a while, but I decided it's time!
So I decided to actually post an ad, with a picture, to Craigslist to start. I want to join match.com if nothing comes from this, but I figured it is best to start with a free site, right? Well, I wasn't exactly prepared for the responses that I would get. Chad told me before that girls get tons of replies, while guys really don't get many, but I didn't really realize just how many. I got about 200 replies. So that made me feel good, although there were some very...interesting ones. I probably narrowed it down to about 25 guys who were interesting enough to want to answer. The rejects included two penis pictures, two older men who wanted to be my "sugar daddy," two married guys who wanted a discreet relationship, and about 10 guys who were 40-50. Then there were a bunch that weren't my type, weren't attractive, didn't say anything really, etc. So anyway, it was interesting sorting through all of them, and actually my friend Olivia helped me.
Anyway, I have been emailing with a number of them, which is pretty time-consuming and hard to keep up with! It is kind of fun, of course. I felt flattered to get the responses and compliments!
Well, after emailing with him a few times, I gave this guy J my phone number, and we arranged to meet up. This date went pretty well overall. He looked like his picture (He's black and white, but he kind of looks Asian. He has a shaved head and green eyes, and he's tall and clean cut. He was attractive to me.) Anyway, he was very polite, and the conversation flowed well the whole time. He gave me a compliment about my eyes, which I thought was really sweet and he seemed sincere. The only thing that I didn't really like was that I felt like he talked a lot. I would ask him questions and then he would go on and on with his answer. He asked me some questions, but not really very many, but I thought maybe he was just nervous. I have found, though, that guys have a tendency to do this talking too much thing sometimes. Other than that, I thought it was a good enough date that I said that I would see him again. He also bought me drinks, which I, of course, like on a first date. Anyway, he texted me after the date and has called me every day since. We are going to see each other again on Thursday. I don't know if there is a huge connection or not, so we'll see what happens with that. I do know that I am attracted to him, but I have to be wary about that, because I am often attracted to people who I don't really have anything in common with.
Well, my second date was last night with T. I had given him my phone number and he texted me two different times, so I was a little put off by how he didn't actually call me. I didn't really think too much about him, but I was a little bit disappointed because I thought he was cute in his pictures and he also works with kids. He works with disadvantaged teens at a school that helps them develop social/life skills. Anyway, he is also tall, part Latino, and kind of the skater type look. So anyway, yesterday he texted me again saying that he had the next few days off and wondered if we could plan something. I told him I was free later on that evening, and I would call him to make plans. So anyway, we talked on the phone finally and arranged to meet at a bar nearby. This was the first time he ever met someone on CL, and I think he felt a little bit weird about it. Anyway, I had such a great time with him. He bought me drinks and insisted on paying for pool and all of these songs on the jukebox. What was cool was that they had a lot of indie music, and we like a lot of the same music, so we were talking about music and comparing music taste a lot. It is pretty rare that I find someone who shares the same taste in music as I do. Our conversation was even better than the other date because I felt immediately comfortable with him, and I felt like even if we weren't to connect romantically he would be someone I would want for a friend. He just seemed really laid back and fun. When we were playing pool, and I wasn't doing well he wasn't trying to teach me how to play better and he wasn't frustrated or making fun of himself when he was doing poorly either. He just seemed like he was having a good time hanging out with me. We also did have some deeper conversation about politics and stuff, and we seemed on the same page there. He was really cool. Anyway, I wasn't sure exactly if he liked me or not other than he was talking about when he saw my ad he responded because he thought I was so cute. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and he said that we should do it again sometime. I said we should and he looked a little surprised and happy like he had been unsure if I would want to. So he hugged me and said that he would call me. He sent me a really sweet text message later that said: "It was great hanging out with you...you're super cute and cool and your pool skills are amazing. When you get a chance let me know when you're available again." Anyway, I texted him this morning back. I was hoping he would call me today but I haven't heard anything. So, of course, that makes me want to talk to him even more. Ugh. Isn't that always how it works? We'll see what happens. I hope that I do go out with him again. There are a few negatives about him, though, of course. The first is the text messaging thing and the second is that he smokes. I actually don't mind that much if someone smokes. Chad smoked (and then quit after a while of us being together). But it is an annoying and bad habit, of course. Well, we'll see.
Okay, that brings me to the bad date! This is going to reveal some of my superficial, judgmental qualities, but what are you going to do? So, I emailed with this guy a few times, and I thought he looked cute in his picture. He was tall with dark hair, which is definitely what I like. Anyway, I talked on the phone with him a few days ago and made plans for tonight. He wanted to do something more activity-based than just go for a drink. He did say he had recently gone on three dates and explained how they went, so I said that I thought it would be better if we did something shorter so it wouldn't be awkward if we didn't have chemistry, even though I appreciated him trying to be creative. So right after we make our plans he says that we should do this on the condition of if either one of us doesn't think it is going well at any time, we can just say so and leave. I said okay, even though I thought I would be really sad if that happened, but whatever, it's good to be up front I guess (although you can do that just by saying you need to get going). So him saying that was okay, but kind of put a bad taste in my mouth.
So anyway, I got there and I saw him outside smoking. He came in right away when I looked at him. He was a good looking guy, but (here's the superficial part) I did not like what he was wearing. Summertime clothes for guys are kind of hard...I hate when guys wear sandals because I hate guy feet, but I also can't stand it when anyone wears shorts with tennis shoes. Well, he was wearing a sort of dressy shirt, khaki shorts, and then he topped it off with socks and Nike running shoes. Um? That was an immediate turn-off. The first guy I went on a date with was wearing shorts and a polo shirt but then wore short socks and white k-swiss shoes. That looked fine. This guy did not look fine, he looked like a big, cheesy dork. No offense to anyone who wears shorts and tennis shoes, I am sure you look fine, but this guy...no.
Then we sit down and there is a rose on the table. I'm all for romance and sweetness, but that just made me cringe. He brought me a rose, but it's not sweet or romantic, because he has never met me before! It has nothing to do with me. I appreciate the gesture, except I'm an ungrateful bee-yotch and actually don't. I find it cheesy and insincere. It definitely didn't win him any points.
Anyway, he asks me if he can get me a drink, and of course I grab my purse but he says he will get it for me. Well, he goes to order it at the bar, but they say that they are changing shifts and it will be a minute. So he then sits down and tells me that the girl at the bar seems like she doesn't like him because he asked her to keep his tab open and she said that they don't do that. He then told me that he gave her a hard time about it and so she probably doesn't like him. As you know, there are few things I hate more than people being rude to servers or tipping them poorly. So that wasn't a good thing to tell me. Anyway, then he proceeds to tell me that I look stunning, which was a sweet thing to say. Conversation is going fine, but I know that I don't like him. I was trying to give it a chance, though.
So then he goes up to get my drink and asks again if he can now keep the tab open. The bartender says that she can't, but he can give it to the waitress (she is standing right there). He says to the waitress, "Oh, you're our waitress? I haven't seen you all night." She laughs and apologizes about it being busy, but I was like, "This guy is an asshole." So our conversation continues, and I am thinking about how he wanted us to say so at any time if we don't think it will work out. But I just couldn't bring myself to be so harsh, you know?
So then he is talking about how it's nice to have an activity. He says we should go across the street to this rock climbing place. Um, do I look like I like to rock climb? Am I dressed to rock climb? No and no. So I say politely that I don't want to. Then he tries to get me to go to a kaeroke place across the street. I again said no. At this point I have only ordered a water for my second drink because I don't want to spend any more of his money since I know I don't like him. I'm not a total jerk. He insists we need an activity, so I agreed to go for a walk with him.
So then he says he is parked in the parking lot and probably needs to move it. He motions for me to come with him to his car. I walk with him, and he asks if I like the Hawthorne area. I said yes, but in my head I was thinking about how he was going to try to get me to get in his car and how I would not get into his car since I don't know him. He asked if he could persuade me to go to the Hawthorne area for our walk, and I said I would rather stick around here. At this point I was definitely giving off the vibe of not wanting to go at all. He said, "You want to stay close to your car?" I said yes and he said okay. But then he said, "You know what, I think this isn't working." I said that I agreed, so we said goodbye and left. Thank goodness I only had to spend an hour of my life with him! Normally I feel like I am pretty easy to get along with someone even if we don't click, and I have had a pleasant time with people who I don't connect with just because usually I like getting to know someone new, but this guy was not fun at all. Yuck. I threw his rose in the trash when I got home.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. I have a few other dates scheduled. Hopefully there will be more good ones, but the bad ones are always fun to talk about. I told Scarlett about this one, and as soon as I said that he brought me a rose she groaned and understood right away why I didn't like it. I'm just trying to date a lot of people and have fun. Hopefully I will meet someone great, but if not...oh well.
The big news that I don't think I mentioned is that I am going to Costa Rica! I am going at the end of this month for ten days. We are staying in an all-inclusive resort in Tamarindo (it's not high class like Sandals or something, but it does include food and drinks, which is all that is important. It will be nice not to have to spend a lot of time worrying about what and where we are going to eat). I am going with Scarlett and Olivia and our other friend from work. There was a little bit of drama because I am closest with Scarlett and Olivia and we made these plans and then our other friend, who we are really not that close with, invited herself to come. I understand inviting yourself to go to dinner or something, but inviting yourself on a ten day trip? It was all dramatic and crazy but we didn't know how to say no, blah blah. Anyway, it should still be fun, but it would be more fun if it was just the three of us because we always have the best time together when it is just us. We are the most comfortable with each other and we just...get each other in a way that the fourth friend doesn't. She is fun, too, though, and we always get along great when we are drinking (which we will be doing a lot of in Costa Rica). So it should be all good.
Anyway, I have been doing a lot of going to the gym. We all belong to the same gym so we have been going during the school year, but we made a whole gym schedule for once school got out. We want to look good and feel comfortable in our bikinis! So we pretty much have gone six days a week! I still have a few pounds to lose, but I am starting to feel more confident about my body. I still have problem areas, but who doesn't? My favorite class is spinning, and my least favorite was hip-hop dance. Don't even get me started. We had to leave the class because I couldn't even follow the first combo. Oh well.
I have been drinking more often than I should (not since summer started, ironically). For a little while there we were drinking a lot every Friday night, but we cut back because it's not healthy and we got sick of having horrible hangovers and not being able to go to pilates (we go on Saturday mornings). Anyway, my friends have been my life savers this year. I haven't been so sad about Chad since I have developed such close friendships. I am really grateful!
I did stop going to therapy because I was tired of feeling so depressed, and every Monday I felt dread about going. I feel better without it, at least for now.
I can't remember if I mentioned that my mom bought her first house. She did, and she has been working on remodeling it. The stuff she has done so far has been really nice. I am really happy for her, and it makes me want to start thinking about buying a place, too. I can't live in this apartment for the rest of my life.
Summer vacation has been wonderful, as always! I am so lucky. I also had jury duty yesterday, but it only ended up being one day since I wasn't selected to be on a trial. It was a lot of sitting around waiting, but I got a lot of reading in. It was kind of fun to be a part of the process, even though I didn't actually get to be a big part. The judge reminded us that many people in the room wouldn't have been able to serve (including me) not that long ago, so that made me feel better about having to get up so early to make it downtown by 8 a.m. :)
Anyway, hopefully I will get back in the habit of writing here again more. I guess you have to keep your fingers crossed for more bad dates!
