I'm trying hard not to be lonely. Whenever I think about being single and alone, I always think about how hard it must be not to have someone that touches you on a regular basis. We had this set of books when I was little on all different kinds of animals, and the saddest part of the primates book was the picture of the two monkey babies. It was some sort of scientific experiment they did. One of the babies had this cloth "mom" that was soft and cuddly and looked like a monkey. The other baby had this hard "mom" made out of wire. Poor baby. I think the experiment showed that babies need to be regularly held or something like that, but all at the expense of the poor monkey baby with the wire mommy. Who knows if I am even remembering this right.
But my point...is that human beings need to be touched on a regular basis. I always felt so sorry for single people because it seems like sometimes they must just want to cuddle with someone, and unless they have a significant other or small children, they really don't have that option. You can get hugs from friends, but it must be hard to say that you need a hug to someone that you aren't involved with. Anyway...I guess I am doing okay with the lack of human touch whenever I want it business, but that was always what I imagined to be the hardest part.
I wrote two kids up in my "troubled" class. I realized something though. By writing two kids up, and sending them out, my "troubled" class was pretty painless. So I need to keep up the tough love I guess. It also just felt really good writing them up. I know, that sounds awful.
I went and had my hair dyed tonight, and this time for some reason she used a flat iron to straighten it. It feels so soft and looks so nice. I wish I had the patience to do that myself. Oh well. Speaking of human touch, the best part of going to this place to have my hair done is when she washes out the dye it feels soooooooooo good. My favorite thing in the world is for someone to rub my head or play with my hair, and her washing out the dye is like a head massage. I love it.
The whole thing with my love life...I'm just trying not to worry about it or care. I am just going to back off and wait and see what happens. So, yes, in a way I am playing games. I really don't know what else to do. I did get to talk to Cassandra last night for about two hours about the whole situation, so I felt like that really lifted a burden off of my shoulders since I hadn't talked to anyone in as much depth about it. I am also going to hang out with my friend Mindy tomorrow so I can talk to her about it, too. She is such a great listener and since she knows him, maybe she can offer some insight.
I guess I just feel like I have put myself out there a little bit too much and I need to just...calm down.
Why am I like this? I always feel things so deeply, why is it any wonder that I am in this position.
