Wow, it's been a long time. Sorry about that. So here are the highlights---
School: My observation was a little scarier than I thought it would be. The principal suddenly had to do an interview during the class I had chosen, and asked to come to one of my afternoon blocks instead. The problem? That day was my "bad" day, so I was nervous about him seeing my worst classes (and said as much). He said maybe he could give me tips to help out, so I just had him come to my VERY worst class. Guess what? When the principal was there they were angels. So they either A) are afraid of the principal or B) actually like me. Everything went perfectly. I have one more observation to go before I am a non-probationary teacher. That just means it's a lot harder to fire me and I don't have to have two observations a year, but it is going to be a huge load off of my mind. Aside from that, we had our first round of state testing and only a little over half of the kids met. They have two more chances. I had them do some reflections and I tried to create a little competition between each separate class--whichever class ends up with the highest percentage meeting will get a party. We'll see how that goes. The kids that get to me the most are the kids that could easily pass but just decided they don't care. What am I supposed to do about that? I gave one of them a HUGE lecture, though, and got through to him. He'll exceed next time. I need to have a much higher percentage of kids meeting. There were a lot of kids that were close, so I think that chances are okay. I'd at least like to beat last year's scores, you know? UGH. I hate state testing.
Therapy: Therapy is going pretty well. I've gotten into family issues (especially my father stuff), relationship issues, self-esteem issues, etc. We'll see. I'm trying REALLY hard to be a less negative person. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about everything. I'm trying really hard not to think there is something wrong with me.
Chad: Things with Chad are actually going pretty well. The last time I wrote we were taking a short break...well. You can guess how that went. He went one day without calling me. The next day he emailed me saying he missed me. Then he called me and asked if we could please stop not talking. I gave in because I didn't want to stop talking to him either. I'm weak. We gave up on the not-friends thing. The only thing wrong, in my mind, is that he is scared to get back together because he supposedly doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now. He doesn't want to go through a breakup with me again because it was so hard the first time. The thing is that we still are in a serious relationship. I am coming to terms with the fact that I either have to compromise on that and just realize we are together but not calling it that, or I have to leave. So that's where that is. I'm not completely happy but I am pretty happy. It's truly not Jose all over again...I promise. I'm not sure if I will keep doing this or not, but right now I am happy with where things are.
If you think that it is Jose all over again, here are the reasons why it is not: we say we love each other all of the time, we still spend all of our free time together, when we're not together we talk on the phone for hours, we have both said that we are not seeing other people and aren't, he came with me to my school Christmas party (he invited himself!), and we exchanged very relationshippy Christmas presents. The only thing that I don't like about the whole thing is that he doesn't want to be my "boyfriend" right now. And that is a big thing...at the same time, I'm getting everything that I want from a boyfriend. So, like I said, I'm to the point where I either have to make peace with how things are or I have to leave. So right now I am choosing the former and we'll see how things go. I really, truly love him...and I do know he loves me, too. What I love best about my relationship with Chad is that this is the first guy I've dated since Justin (maybe the only guy besides Justin) that has actually seen the real me. We know each other so well for having known each other such a short time. We have so much fun with each other and I feel so content and safe and wonderful with him. If only there wasn't this big block between us--this needing different things. I hope that we can work through this because neither of us want to lose each other.
High School Reunion: My ten year reunion is going to be an informal thing at a bar...this Tuesday. I just found out about it not too long ago. The big deal is that I think I will see an ex boyfriend that was a big deal in a bad way for me. We'll see how that goes. Overall I am really excited and can't wait to see what the few people I knew look like. I actually think I am more attractive than I was in high school (yeah, didn't have time to lose a few pounds, but I'm not significantly heavier than I used to be). I don't really have anyone that I am dying to show how well I turned out or anything like that, but it does feel good in the case of that particular ex-boyfriend. He's right up there with Nathan as biggest-jerk-that-I've dated. I made my peace with him about six or seven years ago, but it will be interesting to see what he looks like after all these years. So there's that. Lucia isn't sure if she will be able to make it due to work, but our other friend is driving into town from Reno to attend. I'm excited about catching up with her.
Christmas: Christmas was wonderful this year. Chad and I exchanged gifts and celebrated on Thursday, and he loved his gifts and I loved mine. He got me one of those big executive type leather computer desk chairs (mine is crappy and I wanted one for a long time) and a beautiful white gold heart shaped necklace. The only other jewelry I've had that is white gold was my engagement ring, but I don't have it anymore, obviously. I love white gold, and I love the necklace he got me. He was so cute about it, too, because he was SO excited about it. I got him this nerdy computer stuff he wanted and a few smaller things I thought he would like. He was really excited over all of the stuff (mainly because it was stuff he had said he wanted). Then I visited my mom, who went totally overboard with presents this year. She got me all of this stuff I had pointed out I wanted and almost everything on my list I made (she wanted me to make it, I'm not that greedy). She even got me some Urban Decay makeup that I wanted, and she has always refused to buy me makeup before since she doesn't believe in it. I felt so spoiled by all of the gifts she got. I was really surprised...and of course happy!
I still have more shopping to do for the gathering with my new family (I'm not sure when that will be, but it should be sometime soon). I am excited to see everyone.
Movies: I have been seeing a ton of movies lately. Here are the ones I've seen: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Family Stone, Walk the Line, Pride and Prejudice, King Kong, Brokeback Mountain, and Memoirs of a Geisha. My definite favorite was King Kong. Chad forced me to see it, and I really thought I wouldn't like it. I don't like the LOTR movies, so why would I like this one? There were some small issues (too long, major bug scenes), but overall I really loved it and cried and cried. The other favorite of that list would have to be Walk the Line. It was a pretty typical biopic, but I LOVED the love story between Johnny and June. Reese Witherspoon was so good and it was so romantic. Brokeback Mountain was good, but it moved a little too slowly. Heath Ledger made a totally hot gay guy, of course, but I was looking for a little more.
Okay, enough. I'll try to write more often. And I'll try not to let my heart get broken again. Trying.
