The following is a story about why AT&T Wireless is/are a bunch of motherfuckers. This story contains profanity, and is much longer than it probably needs to be. However, it is also a true story of the triumph of good over evil, and the way Ms. Boombastic made a new best friend. Once you read my story, you will realize why AT&T should be on your shitlist as well as mine, and why you should never believe that a free phone is a free phone.
It all goes back to the original saga from last year. Little did I know that a free cell phone would cause so many problems. Basically, I got this bill for $248.00, because apparently AT&T likes to screw with people by not letting them know their contract is about to be up. Instead, on page 5 of their bill, they say in small print, "Your promotional package is about to expire on this date. Call us and talk to us about exciting new offers." So, I missed that little notice on my bill and went along in my life assuming that I had my minutes the same as always. Imagine my surprise to receive a $248.00 phone bill in the mail! I had already planned to renew my contract because I had been a loyal customer for over a year and hadn't had many problems with AT&T. When I called, I found out that my plan had expired, and so I was charged the standard rate of .40 cents per minute on all calls that I made, instead of my 1000 nights and weekends rate. I was pretty upset, but the AT&T Wireless woman stuck to their mantra/slogan and said with cult-like devotion, "I would be happy to reverse the charges and give you the promotional rate if you will renew your contract for one year." Now, as you know, I was planning on renewing my contract. However, this blackmail was enraging! Here she was saying either I had to renew my contract or I had to pay a ridiculous $248.00 phone bill. Although I acknowledge I should have studied my bill more thoroughly, I also think that it is an unfair business practice to tell someone about their promotion expiring in such a manner�it was very clear that they began this practice in order to make it so people would actually miss seeing it and end up in my position. It is very small type, and blends in with the rest of the bill. In any case, I got nowhere with AT&T woman. She did not respond well to my reasoning, and stuck to the script�"I can fix this if you renew your contract for another year." She did, however, try to entice me by offering me a free phone. I was intrigued, but not willing to be blackmailed just yet. I explained that it was the principle of the matter�I felt what they were doing was wrong, and they should not be able to blackmail me into renewing my contract.
AT&T woman and I could not agree, and she became more and more angry at me, so I asked to talk to a supervisor. This was the artist-formerly-known-as-my-AT&T hero/best friend. Little did I know that Allen would actually play a huge role in my current nightmare.
Allen was funny and genuine. He immediately recognized that AT&T did me a disservice by communicating in such a matter. He acknowledged that other people probably missed the notification when it was on the fifth page and was so small. He kept trying to tell me about his different packages he could get me to erase the $248.00 charge, but I let him know that I could not be blackmailed. I told him that I would not be paying the $248.00 either way, that I was a loyal AT&T customer who always pays her bills on time, and I refused to sign up for another plan to get rid of the charge. Allen and I finally agreed that he would take off the charges if afterward I would hear him out about the great new promotions he had in store for me. I did so, which resulted in him offering me a free phone and 200 additional anytime minutes (a total of 600), as well as the 2000 nights and weekend minutes. He said that the phone would be completely free, I would not have to send in a rebate at all, and that it would be sent to me soon.
I signed up, the charges were reversed, and all was well in Ms. Boombastic land. That is, until my free phone never showed up.
I still had my old phone, so I waited awhile for my new phone to show up. Finally, about a month later, I called up AT&T and asked what was up. While they had the record of my talk with Allen, they did not have any record that he had promised me a free phone. Allen was no longer my best friend. However, after hearing me out, the woman acknowledged that I did indeed deserve a new phone since I renewed my contract. She sent out the phone.
My problems did not end there. My next bill charged me $79.99 for my free phone. Luckily, I called AT&T again and asked what was up. After explaining my saga for the third time, they acknowledged that they sucked, I deserved a free phone, and they gave me a credit for $79.99. For almost a year, I lived in a carefree world where I got along with AT&T and felt happy enough with their service (other than many dropped calls). However, I wanted a different plan through another company when my current contract was up.
Well, as you might expect, I have been reading every bill carefully, waiting for the small print to tell me that my contract is up. Today I noticed that my contract is up on 9/11 for the 2000 nights and weekends, and on 10/11 for the 200 additional minutes. A bit strange, considering I signed up for all of the plans at the same time, right? So I decided to call and cancel my service as of that date, as I assumed that my contract must be up on 9/11, too.
The first person I talked to could be best described at AT&T motherfucker #1. This woman was a twin of the AT&T woman from last year. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the same woman. Basically what she told me was that my contract actually expires October 24th. I asked repeatedly why my promotional rate expired in September if my contract expires in October. Finally, she figured out that the reason for this is because supposedly I bought my phone in October, which effectively started the year contract extension over, but did not start the promotional rate over. I explained the situation to her�that I had ordered the phone, the year contract, and all of the minutes in September, but that I never received the phone. I don't know if she didn't believe me, or didn't care, but she replied with the AT&T chant, "I can only change your promotional rate if you renew your contract for one year." She also didn't care that I got the phone free, and did not buy it as she claimed. I explained that it was unfair that this happened due to their error, leaving me with a phone for over a month that doesn't have the promotional rate that I am used to�what good is paying $40.00 for a month of phone service that you can't use because you have no 2000 nights and weekends? Essentially that would mean that I would have to pay about $248.00 again to use it! That free phone had come back to haunt me, because she said that was the reason that my contract was a month longer. She also said that it didn't matter if they didn't inform me at the time that that would start my contract over. She said if I wanted to cancel my phone service early it would cost $125.00, and there was no way that she could give me credit on my contract for the month that I should have had the phone but didn't. Finally, I asked to talk to her supervisor. She put me on hold for ten minutes, then came back and said, "I talked to my supervisor and he said that he could give you the promotional rate for that month if you renew your service contract for one year." Um, this is nothing new. I have already told you repeatedly that I don't want to renew my contract under any circumstances! I kindly thanked her and told her that no, I did not want to renew my contract, but would she please put me through to her supervisor like she said she would?
The resolution specialist, also known as Doug, also known as AT&T motherfucker to the extreme, was no specialist. I told him right off the bat that I had been a loyal AT&T customer for over 3 years, and that I would try not to get angry with him, but that I was very upset. I then told him the entire saga that I just told you. Doug told me more of the same�that there was no record of the phone purchase/freebie until October so that's why the contract and the promotion ran out at different times, that there was no way to change dates or promotions in the computer without renewing the contract for one year. I explained, as I had already, that it was not my fault that the phone was not sent, and that since it was their fault I thought they should work with me to make things better for me. I explained that I felt that Doug didn't believe me about the phone, but that logically there would not be any reason for me to sign up with them again without the free phone incentive�why would I sign up for it one month later? He said that he had not accused me of lying, but he couldn't do anything since there was no note in the computer. I talked to this motherfucker for at least 20 minutes. I almost started crying. He repeated the mantra over and over and over. All I wanted was for him to either fix the mistake AT&T made, and make my contract end one month sooner, or fix the mistake by matching my promotional rate until the end of my contract. No, he refused to do any of that without a one year contract renewal. I avoided cussing Doug out, but I did say, "You guys screwed me before, you are screwing me right now, why on earth would I sign up for another year with you guys?" He also hit me with a low blow by bringing up the fact that they fixed the $248.00 bill last year, but I said that was a moot point because that meant that they got me into a one year contract that gave them more than that amount in return. I told him that he didn't do that because he valued me as a customer, although, as mentioned I am a loyal three year customer (at this point I was so angry that I claimed I am also a AT&T long distance user, which was a thinly veiled threat of a promise of cancellation of that non-existent account as well). Doug sucked ass. He was the worst resolution specialist ever, and he insisted he could do nothing, even if it was their fault. I asked to talk to someone else, and he said he had no way of transferring me to anyone else, and I would have to call back.
A normal person would have given up at this point, but THIS TIME the problem was completely not my fault�it was their fault for the free phone mistake, and I was not going to allow myself to be screwed again. All I wanted was to be able to use my phone for the remainder of the contract that I would be paying for, and I didn't think that was unreasonable. I let myself calm down for a few moments, and then I called back and got connected to the hero of the story, Michael.
Michael seemed like a nice guy, so I was up front with him from the beginning. I explained that I had already talked to a few people, and they hadn't helped me resolve my problem. First I asked him how it worked�if there was anyone beyond a resolution specialist to talk to. Michael said that they had the most power, but there was also a team of people that you can write to, but they have as little control over helping as a customer service representative. Things weren't looking good. First I asked Michael why the 200 additional minutes and the 2000 nights and weekends minutes ended on different dates, because neither of the motherfuckers ever made that clear to me. He said it was a good question, and tried to figure it out for me. Ultimately, he said that they made a mistake, and they were both supposed to end on 9/11, not 10/11, but someone had extended the 200 additional minutes. He seemed both reasonable and rational, so I asked Michael if he was willing to hear my problem, and I proceeded to tell him the entire story, including how the other two motherfuckers would not make any changes without the contract renewal. I repeated that I wasn't lying or making this up to try to get a month extension on my promotion, because I was OFFERED a free phone back in September, even if no one recorded it. After telling Michael my story, he said he could understand why I was upset. He agreed that it was completely unfair that the contract started over with the phone that I should have gotten when the contract first started over (one month late), and that if they were doing that, they should have started the promotion over to match. He immediately extended my promotion to cover up until the end of my contract (even though this was impossible to do, according to the other AT&T motherfuckers, without extending the contract). When I expressed my undying gratitude and wonder that he had done this, he responded by saying, "I followed what you were saying through the notations on the account�everything you said matched up with the notes; you called to inquire about the free phone being late, you called to get the credit when they charged you for it. It was very clear you weren't lying or making this up based on the records we have on your account, and it was very logical that they would have offered you a free phone in September." Michael made me feel so much better by validating my concerns.
So everything is fixed, I will get the regular rate that I wanted until the end of my contract, and then I will be free of those motherfuckers forever! Michael seemed to be glowing from my adulation, because he proceeded to talk to me for five more minutes about some new fee that will come into play in a few months. Something about if you call 911 when you are in California, it would call Oregon police, so that fee is to fix that problem. Also, the government is making it so cell phone companies have to let you take your number with you even if you change carriers soon. I indulged him by pretending to be very interested in all of the cell phone knowledge he was spewing. After all, that's what best friends do for each other.
So, if you made it this far, you know there are three morals of the story. First, it's not that they "can't" change the account without the one-year renewal, it's that they don't want to. Second, if you are persistent, work hard, and never give up, you too can triumph over "the man." Third, true-life heroes are all around us. Just when you had given up on having faith in anyone, a hero like Michael comes along.
