I'm so uninspired when it comes to writing in this thing. I never have any funny stories anymore, for some reason. Oh well. I guess at least I can remember some of the stuff I did, right?
Thursday was interesting. I went to the meetin happy hour thing. The internet guy and I were the first ones there, and he was even more disappointing than I expected him to be. Ha ha. Mean, but true. First of all, I had mentioned that he would be able to tell who I was because he'd seen my picture...and because I'm super tall. How tall? he asked. 5'9", I replied, how tall are you? He wrote back that he was about 5'9", so I knew he would be shorter. He was maybe 5'8". I also had a feeling he would be balding due to him wearing a hat in his picture. I was right. I feel bad for people who are balding who are under thirty. I guess it's genetics. Poor guy. But besides his appearance I also just found him a little annoying. He insisted on paying for my drink, which made me feel weird since we were just casually meeting in a group. Then later on when he was closing out his tab to leave (he was the first to leave) he forgot that he was paying for my drink. He was being pretty loud about how he only got such and such, and then he suddenly remembered, and I was just embarrassed. So anyway, I was glad he left early because he was introducing me to everyone at the happy hour as if we were together and I felt uncomfortable since I just met the guy. But anyway, before the other people arrived I was talking to him and I had absolutely nothing in common with him, so it wasn't just me being a superficial, snobby beeyotch. He also asked me what I was interested in and I said I liked to read blah blah. Then he said something about how he is getting a librarian vibe from me (I wonder why that would be when I'm an ENGLISH TEACHER). So I tried not to take that as an insult (I guess I could be a sexy librarian, but he didn't say that). BUT THEN I mentioned I had a cat and he was like, "Watch out or you will fulfill the stereotype of single librarian old lady with cat." And he was like ha ha just kidding, but I was like are you fucking kidding me that you are joking around with me like that when you just met me? But what I really said was ha ha ha. HA HA HA. So anyway, if I had ever entertained the idea of trying online dating he just ensured that that won't EVER HAPPEN! He really wasn't that horrible, but really. He did send me a follow up message, so I sent him a short one. Maybe I shouldn't take myself so seriously as to be insulted by him talking about me being a single woman with cat, but he still annoyed me by saying that.
So there were some cool people at the happy hour and some annoying ones. The guys were not that cool (and all but one were balding, which I thought was interesting), but the girls were fun and nice. I might try going to another happy hour type thing or activity. I definitely want to go to the book club, but hopefully they will read something better next time.
So Friday I ended up going out for Mexican food with Justin, which was fun, but we're getting too close again. I mean, we haven't done anything sexual, but everything feels very intimate between us. I feel bad about it. I don't know what to do.
Then Saturday I hung out with my mom and then went to the all girls poker night. The funniest thing about this was that part of the reason I went was to meet some new people who aren't teachers (not that I don't love teachers, but I thought I should expand my social circle or something). Well, everyone else who signed up for this (I saw this on Craig's List) was also in education in some way! Three of them were nannies (one had been a teacher first and another is going to be doing a teaching program at the same school as I went to), one was a secretary at a school, then there was me and a special ed teacher. It just seemed kind of funny, but I had a great time with them. They all seemed very normal and cool. Jose predicted that they would all be lesbians, which I thought was pretty stupid and wouldn't matter anyway, but they were all straight. I was immediately comfortable, maybe because we were also playing a game at the same time, and they really seemed very nice. I can't wait to do it again. The weird thing was that I was like the expert, and I am normally not that great at poker. I had to teach a lot of them to play, and then I felt bad because I ended up winning. We all put five dollars in so I left with $25 dollars. I just felt guilty since I was the one who had played the most before, and I hope I don't win next time. It was fun winning and knowing how to play, but still...hopefully they will all practice online or something before they come back. I didn't want to be one of those annoying people who is like, "You shouldn't have played that hand!" or, "You need to think about what possible hands everyone else could have!" But you could see that they would get all excited about their hand and not pay attention to the cards and what other people could have. Anyway, that wasn't really the point of the evening anyway, it was to hang out with girls and talk, and that was the best part. I'm sure that they will quickly get as good as I am, because I usually am not good at all, so it will all even out in the end.
I brought some cds with me and one of the girls seemed to have similar taste in music, so I'm making her a copy of the Ben Lee cd because she was all excited to listen to it. So along with Ava and this poker group, you actually can meet fun, normal people online. I wonder if they are the exceptions or the rules? I know that I am fairly normal, but also a little off (as in super shy, no interests other than reading, the internet and music).
I hate being a girl sometimes because I really do get in these horrible intensely depressed moods due to PMS, and then I'm like, "Is this the placebo effect?"
Jose is in Las Vegas right now and isn't getting back until late tomorrow night. So I haven't talked to him since Thursday. I miss him. And I just don't know what to do about the situation. I was all happy about how things were and then of course I start PMSing and freaking out about it and think that I should just end things since I will never get what I want from him. Which is better, having part of what I want, or not having him at all? It's such a stupid situation and I just can't believe HE IS SO STUPID. Of course, he has the ideal situation. Someone he can sleep with once or twice a week without the relationship drama and he can see whoever he wants too. So why would he give that up? So when I get all freaked out about it I start trying to concoct these plans on how to get him to realize that he wants more, and the only thing I can come up with is ending things with him for real and then him missing me and coming back. But the problem is that I don't think it will really work, because HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME OR HE WOULD WANT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND AND HE'D WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME MORE OFTEN THAN ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. I know that, but I'm still in denial. I'm not okay with the way things are, but I'm not okay with the alternative either. Hopefully, I'll just meet someone else and be through with him. There are a ton of things I really like about him, and a ton of things that really annoy me about him. I wish I was a little bit stronger sometimes.
To tell you how over Justin I am, I didn't even realize that I missed what would have been our ten year anniversary. That is so unlike me. I just realized it today. I feel bad about that. I feel bad that I don't feel bad.
We went and saw Fever Pitch today, which was really kind of lame, but I still teared up because of girl issues. And part of me misses Justin so much and does want to get back together with him. I need to fight it. He's not my backup plan.
I'm seeing Snow Patrol with Ava and her husband on Tuesday. Wednesday I have a day off, but I have to take my car in. Thursday I have a track meet. So I have a pretty busy week. I don't even remember what I'm teaching, but I guess I'll figure it out. There are seven weeks left of school. I can't wait to be done. I'm also going to sign up for writing scoring right after school gets out. This will be nice because I'll make about five hundred dollars again and it won't be taking my spring break, only five days of my loooooong summer vacation. Hopefully I will get selected again.
Okay, it's 11:21 but I took a FOUR HOUR NAP today and I drank 2 TUBS OF POP from the movie theater (I got the giant size and then I got a refill before I left). So I'm not going to be sleeping anytime soon. Why do I have to work tomorrow? Why?!?!
