Wow, I never update anymore. I have a lot to talk about, I suppose. Let's see if I can keep the update short so that I can tell you about some of the crazy guys that I have met lately.
School/Work: School ended pretty uneventfully. We had a good end-of-the-year trip for the kiddies. We had the annual golf tournament for the adults, and that was a lot of fun. I did drink, but I didn't drink TOO much, and I had a great time. I realized that at past parties probably not many people noticed my drunkeness because they were too busy being drunks themselves. Teachers ARE CRAZY! Some people were really, really drunk. It was a lot of fun. I also had a great time talking smack with my coworkers, but luckily they were only coworkers that I trust and have talked smack with before, so I did not make any bad impressions with my horrible smack talk like I probably usually do, and I didn't feel like an awful person. One of my coworkers, grumpy pizza guy, is leaving. I am sad to see him go because I really like him, but I am hoping that I can get another female on the team so that I am not surrounded by all of these males all of the time. I am going to be on the interview committee, too, so I will have some input. I am excited about that. I totally bonded with grumpy pizza guy again at the party, so it made me more sad to see him go. He really is a good guy who gets a bad rap because of his grumpiness. Anyway, school ended on June 16th, I believe, and I was very happy for it to be over.
My Trip: After that, I ended up doing the state writing scoring for four days, then I took a trip to California. I actually had a really great time. My father and his family totally spoiled me, and I felt a lot more comfortable with him than I have in the past. We ended up going to Cannery Row, the acquarium, and the Steinbeck Center. We also ate a lot of cookies. And by a lot, I mean I ate at least four cookies per day. If not more. I also learned how to knit, which is really cool, and I am really excited about that. I am even thinking about teaching it as an elective next year! How fun would that be?
My visit with my friends Jasmine and Cassandra was also good. I ended up staying two nights with one friend and one night with the other, and we had time to all be together as well. It was very low-key. My friend Cassandra is all caught up in planning her wedding, so I am very happy for her, but very jealous. I still have a horrible time with any talk about weddings or looking at magazines or anything because of the fact that I was so happy for about a week about being engaged and then...not happy and not engaged. So it is a sore spot for me. Anyway, I had fun with both friends. Jasmine is pregnant! With her, we hung out, watched a lot of reality tv (I don't have cable right now, so I miss it) and went shopping at H&M. I bought two cute shirts and a white sweater there. With Cassandra we went out to drinks and went to see Superman, which I really didn't like that much. I thought Superman was good, but I didn't much care for Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. She was just boring to me. The movie itself also bored me.
Roommate: Things with my roommate are okay. We had one more late rent incident, but I wrote her a letter talking about my concerns and frustrations and a specific deadline for rent, and then she wrote me a check for this month and next month and assured me that from now on she will have the rent to me by the first. Hopefully it will not be a problem, and I now have it all in writing, which I should have done in the first place. We have gone out a few times, but she has been gone a lot lately. She is still a little bit messier than I would like in the common area, but I can live with that.
Chad: This situation has gone from bad to worse. As usual, we are broken up. In the last few months we have seen each other a lot less, but have basically continued to talk regularly. He still wants to be friends, and we keep going back and forth about whether we can talk or not and we set guidelines and then break them. Basically, I am still broken hearted, it is not a good or healthy situation, but we haven't completely cut ties. We have had some really bad fights, too. We have had a few incidents where we hang out as more than friends, if you get what I am saying, but I think that is done with. He took me to the airport and I spent the night at his house the night before my trip, and that was supposed to be it...after that no talking for a while. Well, we've talked pretty regularly since then, and we hung out a few times. The latest time, though (Thursday night) made me realize just how bad this situation is. I don't even feel good or happy about it when we get together, I just feel bad. He wants to distance himself from this and has been for the past two months, but I have just kept hanging on...for what? For what I wanted it to be, for what it almost was, for what it WASN'T. Anyway, it sucks, and it feels like breaking up for the 40,000th time. Oh, and he is now ready to start dating, which breaks my heart. And the problem is that I will know exactly when he has started dating because he will post an ad on Craigslist. So that is fun...and I am probably going to torture myself by looking for the ad every day. What a nightmare. I told him that as soon as he posts his ad I will be posting my ad...and that I was going to include a picture of myself. I don't know if I actually will, because I don't even want to date. I really don't. I am so fucking sick of guys. Anyway, I am doing my best from here on to stay strong. We had a lovely crying incident on Friday after he spent the night and I am just so sick of crying and hurting and feeling pathetic because he doesn't want to be with me...even though he thinks I am so wonderful and attractive and blah blah blah. So yes, I give up.
Working Out: I am happy to say that I am still doing really well with exercising. Chad and I ended up joining the gym on the 7-day-a-week plan now, so we can go anytime. I run into him sometimes, but we don't really go together anymore. Anyway, I have been going regularly still. I had the time when I wasn't going while on my trip, but since then I have gone just about every day. I am excited about it. I still haven't lost much weight--I am at 139 right now, but I do see a difference in my body. I am more toned. Chad, who did see me naked on Thursday, I am ashamed to say, said I am looking REALLY great and he can't believe how in shape I am looking. So this is the guy who is so honest that he told me about my yellow teeth, so I choose to take his compliments seriously. I would like to be even more in shape, so I am going to keep doing the gym thing. I probably have never been more in shape in my life, so I am really feeling good (although I really do have a lot of work to do still--particularly with my stomach and hips/thighs). I do still feel like my mood is a lot better because of working out, so that is an added bonus. Part of me thinks maybe I will need to go back to therapy, but I don't want to go to the same person. I don't know. I just have felt so much better when I haven't been going that I am not sure...I know what my issues are, I just need to deal with them. I'm not sure if going and talking about them every week or every other week is really going to help me.
Crazy Guys: So the only other thing to report is that I have been slowly trying to move on, and so let me tell you about some of the interesting guys that I have met recently. I have met some real WINNERS. Most have been while out with my roommate. One night we decided to go to the crazy country bar called Duke's. First we met this cowboy, who was actually pretty nice. One thing that really pisses me off is that guys, particularly ones who have been drinking, have a tendency to psychoanalyze me--and they are almost always correct. I don't understand how I make things so obvious to perfect strangers. But anyway, he was saying that I am a beautiful girl, but I am one of those girls who only feels good when she has a boyfriend. He gave me the advice that I need to stay single for at least a month. Thanks, cowboy. Anyway, then this other guy started talking to me. I wasn't interested in him, but I tried to take it as practice in talking to random guys at bars. I was also slightly drunk. So I was basically just saying whatever came to my head and being jokingly rude--for example, when he said he was 35 I told him 32 was my cutoff so we have no future together. I also mentioned that if someone is that old it makes me wonder why they are still single. Later he asked me if I liked to hike and I said I really didn't like the outdoors because I was too high maintenance. A bit later I told him that he would not want to get involved with me because I have issues. I really made myself sound like a winner, right? But the guy was eating it up, he loved it. I was cracking up. So anyway, before we left he asked for my phone number so we could go on a date. Being drunk, I gave it to him, because I am a drunk jerk. He asked what my perfect date was and I said dinner and a movie, and he said that was boring. I said that I didn't care, that was my perfect date. So here is where the funny part comes in. The next day he text messages me and it says, "I did the math on the date that you wanted and it's not happening unless we go dutch." Um, okay? That was just wrong on so many levels--either he is saying A.) Hi, I'm cheap. or B.)I'm broke. If we actually went on a date I would offer to pay my half anyway. As you know, my policy on first dates is that the guy should pay, but I would always offer. Also, on a two part date I would fully expect to pay for part of it. Anyway, not a good way to make a good impression on me. So I ignored his text message since he said our date would not be happening. He never called. However, three days later he text messaged me again and said, "I would be up for a drink if you want." Um, I didn't answer your other text message, why would I be up for a drink three days later? So I didn't answer that text either, and that was the end of that. Maybe I am a jerk, but that's not the way to get a date with me. Reminder to self--do not drunkenly give strangers your phone number if you don't want them to actually call you.
The next guy that I met was a little less weird. I didn't actually get to know him that well because he was our waiter, but we were flirting with each other most of the night and then he sat down next to me in the booth right before we were leaving. At that point I asked him if he was going to let me leave without getting his number. I gave it to him and was feeling a little overly drunkenly confident and told him to call me the next day and, "Don't text message me because I hate that." He said he was always really busy on Sundays. I said again he needed to call me the next day. Anyway, he didn't call me the next day, which probably was just as well. There was an unfamiliar number on my phone on Monday, but I didn't answer it and he didn't leave a message. So who knows if he called or not. I might have scared him with my drunken bossiness.
The final guy that I met is the weirdest, and it just happened tonight.
First of all, I have major bathing suit issues. I have always been afraid of being in a bathing suit because I feel weird about my body and because I am so pale. Chad has said I look good in my new bathing suit but I don't have a lot of confidence in that area. I have been using the swimming pool and jacuzzi at the gym though, and I've been trying to get over my insecurities, because a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do. Anyway, there was one time that this guy said hi to me while we were there together that Chad thought was interested in me, but other than that I have never had anyone be remotely interested in me at the gym. Our gym is weird because it is not very social. Everyone kind of keeps to themselves and does their own thing. So anyway, I was at the gym tonight and I decided to try out the pool because they switched from chlorine to saline. So I went down to the pool after my workout and I was swimming with a kickboard for a while. These two guys came in that I had noticed upstairs earlier. One was white and the other was asian. I had actually sort of checked out the asian guy upstairs because he was in REALLY good shape. He had a nice body and I could tell he was Korean. Anyway, I was finishing my laps and went to the edge of the pool and he came out of the sauna and started talking to me. He asked me if I was getting out of the water and I said that I was going in the hottub. He said, "We were just admiring you--you're really beautiful." I was so shocked and taken aback when he said that but I said thank you and that was really sweet. He said that I really am and then he asked me if I had a boyfriend and wondered if we could exchange numbers. He said he wasn't trying to embarrass me. So yeah, this guy was super forward but I was like...well, he is pretty cute and...maybe. So I kind of laughed and said maybe and then I went in the hottub. A little bit later he and his friend came into the hottub and talked to me a little bit more. So I kept thinking...hmmm, maybe. The asian guy was 36, which is definitely past the cutoff. So they were talking about how they got swedish massages and then they said that they got pedicures, too. How metrosexual of them. I was a little weirded out at that point...oh, he also complimented my teeth, so ha ha, I guess they are not that YELLOW. I felt pretty self conscious since I was in my bikini with very little makeup and didn't feel my most attractive. They talked a little bit about the kind of work they do, something about international law and spiritual guidance, but not religious. Interesting...and weird. So I guess I was making a good enough impression that he still wanted to exchange numbers and we agreed to meet after we got out of the pool right outside the gym. Well, this guy was definitely shorter than me...I can't remember how much shorter (maybe 5'6" or 7") and you know how I feel about that. But I was still trying to be open minded. However, when he gave me his card I realized that aside from being almost inappropriately forward, he is also a nuthead. This is what his card says: ________ Associates--Juris Consultus--Hedonist--Life Coach. Underneath it says, Private International Law--Sexual Liberation--Spiritual Nirvana. Um, yeah. What the hell kind of business is he in? I do not think that I will be planning any dates with him. I REALLY KNOW HOW TO MEET WINNERS!!! :) If he calls me, because unfortunately I did give him my phone number before I realized that he was a crazy man, I will just tell him that I am fresh out of a relationship and it is too soon for me to date anyone. Which is true. I was just really flattered at the time, but apparently he is in the sexual liberation business, so I am no doubt one of many women he flatters. Oh well...
My friend Mandy just sent me a card in the mail that was really sweet. It is a hello kitty card that has hello kitty doing yoga and says, "Mind, body, spirit" Inside she wrote, "You are a beatiful woman inside and out with a strong spirit and a big heart! Just thought you needed a reminder. :) Stay strong because as you know, you deserve better. I am here if you need me. Love Always, Mandy" She sent that to me in the mail even though I see her regularly...I wish I got that card before Thursday! Oh well. It was incredibly nice to get it right now.
I have been watching a lot of movies. On the fourth of July I did something that has always been one of my biggest fears--I went to the movies by myself. I hate fireworks so I didn't make any plans to do that, and I ended up going to the 10:15 PM showing of The Breakup. It was a good night to go because I ended up being the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE THEATER! It was a very strange feeling. I went on free popcorn night, so I had a pretty good time. I actually liked the movie, although some of it hit a little too close to home. I also saw The Devil Wears Prada which I loved much more than the book (and made me come home and research cost for another trip to Paris), Pirates of the Carribean and The Lakehouse. I saw Pirates at the midnight showing and there were tons of high school students. I enjoyed it, but the first one was better, and I also fell asleep at one part. Chad loved it. The Lakehouse was terrible, but what do you expect with two of the worst actors in Hollywood as the stars? I thought I would enjoy it a little bit more, but it just wasn't much good. Oh well.
Anyway, I hope that I will have something interesting or happy to write about soon. I need to stop with the boys, because clearly boys are PSYCHO. And I am clearly PSYCHO. :)
