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2006-05-31 - 6:01 p.m. I'm definitely ready for the end of the school year. My teammates are doing various things to piss me off and get on my nerves, and Nathan hurt my feelings today in the way he said something to me about the team leader position for next year. Basically, our current team leader is too busy to to it next year, but the administration might end up talking him into continuing. Not many people on our team are willing to take on that job, or they are on the administration's bad side. So my team leader had been saying things jokingly all year about how when I am team leader next year blah blah. I was flattered that he saw me as someone who could do it, but I really don't want the responsibility, and I don't think I coul d bring our team together (our team has some issues). Anyway, I basically said that I would do it if the admin. wanted me to and no one else wanted to. Well, then Nathan decided he wanted to do it and told me so, but said he didn't want to step on my toes if I wanted to do it. I said that was fine with me (not that we really have the choice--the admin. will make that decision). So that was that--I felt a little annoyed with myself at how quickly I said that it was fine (because I would have said it was fine even if I really wanted to do it, and I need to work on that), but ultimately it wasn't something I really felt comfortable doing. However, at the team meeting today we were discussing some changes for next year and who will do what when it comes to electives. So then we had to talk about team leader (team leader doesn't do an elective) and Nathan said that wasn't yet known, and that it was him, our current team leader, or me. Then he said to me, "Has the administration approached you about being team leader?" I said no, and then he said, "Oh, then it's me or ______." Just the tone and way he said it hurt my feelings--I can't really explain it, but it came off in a rude way. Like, "Yeah, I have already been approached by them to be team leader, so I guess that settles it." And, of course, I feel bad that they apparently don't think of me as a potential team leader. Whatever. I'm getting upset over something that I didn't even want to do, but it would be nice if someone thought I was capable of it. I am not the most assertive person, but I do help my team stay organized. Whatever. I am tired of team meetings where there is so much negative energy and complaining about things that we can't change...sometimes I wish they would switch me out of my team, even though I get along with most of them well individually. Sigh...
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