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25 November 2002 - 10:00 PM I'm tired. I hate Mondays. I have been on this crazy referral giving frenzy. I never give referrals, and I gave two last week and one this week. Mostly about petty stuff, but petty stuff that pissed me off. I am trying to crack down on some inappropriate language issues. I think it has something to do with being right before the break. I wish it was a bigger break. My mom gets the whole week off, but we just get Thursday and Friday like normal people. Not that I can complain over my days off or anything. I am definitely looking forward to the break, although I have not been in a bad mood about being at school. I worked so hard on Thursday night to get all caught up (thank goodness I had Justin to help me--he came down early because he doesn't have a Friday class). I gave grade printouts, and now their journals are in (yay, 150+ journals to grade!) and all their makeup work is in, and I am worse than when I started. So I feel overwhelmed by that. I was hoping I could get it done before the break, but obviously that isn't happening. I'm going to force myself to stay late tomorrow, though. I was just so exhausted today. I went and got a pizza to reward myself. Reward myself for what? Surviving Monday? I need to stop rewarding myself with food. On the other hand, I need to stop obsessing over rewarding myself with food. I am really getting pissed off at this certain teacher at my school. I may have mentioned him before, but he is over 40 and he tried to ask me out on a date more than once, even after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. Well, I thought we were over that little hurdle, but he continued to make comments to me in front of other teachers. Comments that are joking around, but he has no business saying. Like, "I thought you were going to call me over the summer to go to a movie!" (This was coming back from the summer break this year.) Everyone laughs like ha ha, big joke, but I wonder what they are thinking. I, of course, never gave him any indication that I was interested in him. He's about twice my age, unattractive, and has teenage kids. That is the last thing I am looking for in a mate. I think his joking comments are either a way to get over his discomfort or he is trying to be funny and self-disparaging (sp?). In any case, I do not like his comments. Just when I think they are going to stop, they start up again. On Friday he bought a cake for the staff. I ate a piece, then got up to leave. I was planning to stop at the door and thank people for bringing food that day. Before I can say anything he says something like, "Oh I see how it is Ms. B.! Just eat and don't say anything." I said, "Oh, I was going to say thank you. Thanks for the cake, it was really good. I appreciated it." Then as I am walking out the door he starts to say something like, "Oh, then call me over the weekend to..." I have no idea how he finished it as I let the door shut in his face. It made me very annoyed, though. I wouldn't say what he is doing is sexual harrassment, because he doesn't say anything sexual. On the other hand, his comments are making me uncomfortable and they are just not appropriate. I should not have to deal with some colleague joking around with me about us going out. Everyone knows I have a bigtime serious boyfriend, so they might think it's cool that he's doing that because he can't possibly be serious. But I still don't like it, and I don't like that he does it in front of other people. I have gotten to the point where I feel like if he does it again I will have to talk to him privately about it. I thought that it would stop for sure when I actually introduced him to Justin at one of the staff parties (and he saw how young, hot, and not-him Justin is), but I guess not. But what makes me mad about it is that I HATE confrontation and I HATE telling people that I'm not cool with how they are acting. He is the one putting me in that situation and it makes me mad that I have to approach him about it. The other option is to talk to my boss about it, but since it is not exactly sexual in nature I don't want to make a big thing about it. I feel like I owe it to the other teacher to talk to him about it first (even though I can't stand him and really don't feel like I owe it to him). The other thing that gets to me about this situation is that I was talking to another teacher about a certain student when he was there, and I mentioned that this student was making sort of inappropriate remarks to me and that I needed to think about saying something if it happened anymore. How ironic that the very next day was the cake incident. So last Thursday I had a lesson fail miserably (I think it was because it had to do with math!) I decided to do the unheard of and throw the assignment out the window. This left me with about 20 minutes to talk with my last period sophomores. I adore these kids. Whenever we have discussions they are just so cool. Anyway, somehow we got on the bad subject (for me, even though I enjoy hearing about what they think of other teachers, I always feel guilty) of their other teachers. One girl was talking about how teachers can do something to bug you and keep doing it, but then they will hold it over you that they are a teacher and you can't get rude back to them when you are pissed off or you will get in trouble. Apparently this same teacher who has been bugging me put her in a headlock. When she said to stop and not to touch her, he started going off on her. He said next time he saw her and her boyfriend in the hall kissing he would write her up. He also talked about a sport she is going out for that is all males and how was she going to tell them not to touch her, or her coach. So when he sees her he brings that up again and won't stop bugging her about it. She is really pissed off but she really can't say anything because he's a teacher. I really feel annoyed that he is doing that. The kids also say that he always falls asleep in class, which I believe because I have seen him fall asleep in staff meetings. The girl plans to complain to the principal if it happens again, so I think that will be okay, but I don't understand why he would do something like that. I'm a kind of touchy-feely teacher myself, but I was explaining to the kids that if anyone ever told me they disliked to be touched I would stop immediately. I just touch a kid on the shoulder to get them back on track or to talk to them. Once in awhile a kid will hug me if they are really upset, or if they are coming back to visit me from the year before, but mainly it is just touching them on the shoulder. Everyone seemed to feel that it's no big deal. My mentor teacher during student teaching told me she makes an effort to touch the kids because as they start getting older some kids are rarely touched anymore. So...I don't know. I'm getting nervous about Christmas shopping. I always spend too much money and I stress myself out over gift-giving. I hate it. I love giving presents, but I hate trying to find the perfect gift that says how well I know the person. I think everyone should just have an amazon.com wishlist and be done with it. I still have had no luck discovering where to get free mp3s. I want some free mp3s! It's not even like I'm not going to buy the CD on most of them, but I just want this certain song for a mix CD I am making someone. It is a college memory CD, and this was a song we listened to non-stop. It was on The Show soundtrack, which I lost. Anyway, if anyone has an mp3 of "Summertime in the LBC," please let me know. What are the chances, right? I did actually find a cool site that had free mp3s for more independent artists. I downloaded some to try out, and will actually buy the CD if I can find it on some of the songs. Obviously I feel more guilty about stealing their songs when they are probably not making the big bucks. I actually found three songs by this guy I went to college with. He actually complimented one of my poems in class, and I guess he is on a local record label. That was kind of cool, and I downloaded his mp3s out of loyalty. However, I really never have liked his music. My friend Cassandra gave me much crap about seeing 8 Mile because we are morally opposed to Eminem. I tried to explain how I became so caught up in the hype, but I still felt like a major sell-out. I have to admit that this selling-outness has become a bit of a trend for me. I used to hate Brandy with a passion. Then I somehow sold out and started to like her and bought her CD. I used to hate Mariah Carey with a passion. I hated her voice, I hated her diva-ness, and I hated her sappy songs. Then along came the duet with Bone, Thugs, and Harmony. I sold out and bought TWO of her CDs, including the MAJORLY OFFENSIVE Rainbow CD on which she is wearing a skimpy outfit with a big rainbow over her butt. Inside is a pictorial of Mariah that looks like a playboy centerfold. She is my worst nightmare, and yet I still felt the need to watch Glitter. I do have to say that my Justin Timberlake love is not selling-outness, though, because I was never morally opposed to anything about Justin. I am not too excited, however, about how he said on the radio that he ate Britney's "coochie." (Hi, can you be any more 1995 with your slang for the female genitals?) In any case, I think I'd better get to bed. I'm finally almost finished with one of the books that I started this summer.
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