I'm feeling okay today. I'm supposed to go walking with Mandy later, and maybe we'lll do something else, too. Her husband is working tonight so she might want to go do something.
Ben is moving today. He's moving into an apartment pretty near where he lives now. He lives about a half hour away from me, which kind of sucks, but I'm glad he didn't end up moving home with his parents. Anyway, I guess his cousin is in town helping him, so I don't know if I will get to see him this weekend or not. I don't feel like calling him and I don't feel like asking him if he wants to do something. It's another one of my stupid tests. I know, I know.
I do feel better today because I went to the mall and to Target, and shopping always makes me feel good. Except for the spending money that I don't have part, shopping is the best thing ever. I had a coupon, so I ended up getting five pairs of underwear for fourteen dollars at New York and Company. That's the only kind of underwear I like wearing. Then I went next door to Victoria's Secret and got this really cute eyeshadow. It has four colors, all of which will look good on me. So that was good, even though I usually don't buy expensive makeup (other than MAC fix, which is the best powder/foundation ever, and I have to buy that because of my super-pale skin). Then I went to Nordstrom, and they are having their half-yearly sale, so I got some pumas that I've wanted for $40.00. That was the best thing ever, because they are normally $60.00, and I have not allowed myself to buy them for so long. They are grey, white and navy and so cute. At Target I ended up buying a CD wallet. I am on a never-ending quest to find a new CD rack, but I haven't been able to find a good one, so I just bought one of those huge CD wallets instead. I've been burning so many CDs that I needed one anyway. I also bought a lot of candy. What made me unhappy is my mini charleston chews must have melted at the store because it is like one big chunk of charleston chew stuck together. Oh well. I bought them, "For next time I go to the movies," but look at me--I'm eating them now! I am so lucky I am not the fattest person in the world because I can really eat A LOT.
Ben gave me this picture of himself that was taken awhile ago and he has his shirt off in it. It reminds me so much of the first time he came to my house. He was asking if I had any tattoos and I said no. He said he had two of them. I asked if I could see them, not knowing where they would be. Well, he has one on his arm and one on his chest. So he took off his shirt (he had a white tank top underneath) and I was like, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnn," when I saw his body, because I wasn't expecting it to be so nice. His tattoos are so sexy, and I don't even like tattoos. He really has the nicest body of any guy I have ever dated. That has never really been important to me, but now that I have it suddenly it makes me realize what I was missing out on.
I just really hope that he keeps liking me. I know it's not the end of the world if it ends, but I just really would like it to work out. He's one of the sweetest, kindest people I have gone out with. I don't want to have to revise how I think about him like I had to revise how I thought about Jose and Nathan.
I haven't talked to Jose in about a month and a half. It is really weird wondering what he is up to and what he thinks about me and if he thinks about me. I wish that I would run into him while I was with Ben, but that's very unlikely to happen. I haven't gone to any of the places that Jose likes to go in so long. I have no girl friends who like to go out anymore. So I guess that's why. I haven't really had that much of a desire to go out anyway.
I was going to try to visit my crazycousin tonight, but she has a date. That sucks because I just want to get out of here. Oh well.
