I'm pretty excited about the team I am on this year. There are only two changes (we have a different special ed. teacher and a different math teacher) but I really think it is going to work out well. The person who was the source of tension for us is not on our team anymore, so I think things will go pretty smoothly. I am also think I am going to work a lot more closely with the special ed. teacher than I did last year, which should be good for me. I need to do more on figuring out how to make special ed. kids successful in my class.
We had another meeting this morning at 7:30 AM. I hate it that we have to start so early. The kids get to school at 9 AM, but we have to be there by 7:30 (and I usually get there by 7:15). I hate getting up early! I am so glad I live so close to the school, though, so I don't have to get up at 5 AM or something.
Justin finally has someone to talk to about what he is going through now, because I told Elizabeth, who told Mark. Mark is really angry and sad about us breaking up, though. Mark is Justin's best friend from high school, and he basically has known me as long as he has known Justin. I know that I probably will not stay friends with him (not that we were that close, it was more like we were couple friends) but I might be able to stay friends with Elizabeth. Like I said, I went to lunch with her yesterday, and we did bond in Europe. The thing is, though, that Justin told me that Mark said that Elizabeth said (what am I, in middle school?) that she couldn't get any concrete answers out of me when we went to lunch. So I felt kind of spyed on, if that makes any sense. The thing is that Justin has never been through a breakup before. He can't understand why I am doing this, and he asks me the same questions over and over. I tell him the answers, but he thinks that I am not answering because it is hard for me to tell him the same things over and over. How many times can I say, "I'm not in love with you anymore"? It hurts me to say that, so of course I avoid answering his questions again and again, and then he tells people that I won't talk to him about why I am doing this. He just can't comprehend the idea that you can love someone and then you can stop loving them in that way. It happens all of the time! That's a big reason why people break up or get divorced--it's not always because someone cheated or was abusive or was a deadbeat. He just is in denial and is so hurt, but I don't know what else to tell him. He acts as if I have some big secret explanation about why I really am leaving him, but I don't.
If things get really difficult I will stay with my mom, but I just feel bad doing that when he wants to spend time with me since we don't have much time left together. I didn't really ever think I would be in this position, and I do hope that I made the right decision, but I have made it. I can't take it back, and I don't want to, and I'm not going to.
I have my therapy today, and then tomorrow and the next day I have plans with friends so I should be able to keep my mind off of things. I'm so happy about that part of my life right now.
Thank you to people who left supportive notes or emails. I really appreciate it!
