I know that being a teacher is supposed to be all about letting things go. I know they are teenagers, and I know they are irrational beings who can love you one minute and hate you the next. Sometimes it is really hard though. I'm having problems with a particular student right now and I just am really really overly bothered by the whole thing. More than usual. I hate conflict, which sometimes leads me to allow things to go on longer than they should, but I felt like I was right on top of this situation. The basic situation involved one of those petty things that escalate. This kid was all huffy one day last week, and left class early. I always give a detention for that kind of thing. Well, I knew that part of this had to do with him being frustrated about something else. I thought I would talk to him privately (he is one of those lovely students we have all had--he wants to make everything in the class about him, so there is no talking to him while in class because it will be a public show). Anyway, the next day I told him I needed to talk to him after class. Well he was bugging me all period about it, but I said we would talk after class. He said that was his time and he would not stay to talk. I thought he was kidding, but he was serious and pointedly left right at the bell. Obviously this is defiance of authority, so I felt I had no choice but to write him up. I was also pissed off. He's a senior and ready to be out, but if a teacher asks you to stay you're supposed to stay. I don't know if he would have done this to another teacher or not. In any case, it was all very dumb, but it was HIS choice to do that, not mine. The ironic part was that I was going to see if I could just discuss the issue with him and not have to give him a detention--I wanted to talk privately to maybe give him a break, you know? So today he comes in and is friendly as can be, so I was pretty sure that he hadn't gotten the referral. Last time this happened with a student, I didn't tell the kid they had a referral from me (sometimes it takes longer to process them than others). I thought I owed him the courtesy of telling him before he got called to the office. Well, big mistake. He got completely horrible with me and started making snide comments that were actually pretty hurtful. This is in my worst class, too. At first I was just trying to let it go, ignore him, and not make it about him. But he kept on so I had to kick him out of class. The way he was treating me was so rude and deliberately so, and it just has really gotten to me. I know I'm not supposed to dwell on it, but it really hurt my feelings. I have had a good relationship with him all year and I feel bad for a few reasons. First I feel like he owed it to me to give me the respect to stay and talk to me in the first place, and it makes me wonder what I have done to make him have so little respect for me. Second I felt the way he talked to me today was as if he hates me, and I only have a few days left with the seniors. I don't want to throw an entire year's good relationship down the toilet because of one incident. I guess I just feel bad. Maybe things will get resolved. I still have the cards to write, so if he doesn't come around by then maybe I can write to him on the card.
Another thing is that once again Justin was sitting there giving me advice about the situation. I was really upset when I told him about it (lack of sleep and PMS will do that to you) and was just about crying. Instead of just listening and saying the proper things like, "Wow, what a jerk, why don't these kids realize what a wonderful teacher you are!" he instead tried to give me all of this bullshit advice about how teenagers are awful and they are so self-centered and fickle and how I just have to not pay any attention to them and their mood swings. Well, thanks a lot, Justin, for giving me that helpful advice. I am around teenagers all day every day so I think I already know how they are and can be. A good 90% of them are NOT awful and self-centered, or this incident wouldn't bother me so much. And I logically already know that I can't let this stuff bother me (and usually I don't), but obviously it IS bothering me, so it feels like he is telling me how I'm feeling is wrong. So I told him all of this and explained he needs to listen and not try to fix things, but just be sympathetic. This is classic difference between guys and girls and how they communicate stuff, obviously, but don't boys EVER LEARN?!!? He's usually a bit better than that, but really...I know how to fix the problem already. I just want to vent and have him feel sorry for me! I don't need this tough love advice crap.
There were some other bad things that happened today as well, and I am just so tired out. I couldn't sleep last night and only got two and a half hours of sleep, and then tonight I can't sleep either. I thought maybe I could write it all out and feel a little bit better.
There were actually a few good things that happened today like a girl staying after class to tell me that she and the other students appreciate me and what I am trying to teach them, and a girl who came back from vacation brought me a special present. Tell me--are these kids self-centered and thoughtless?
I have very little time left with the seniors and I have never felt more eager for them to be done. It's mainly the class with that particular kid in it (my "bad" senior class) but everyone is just treading water, you know? Last year was more bittersweet because I had had them for two years. I love these ones, too, but they have senioritis to the max.
Aside from the whole thing with Justin and his bad advice, we've really been getting along so well. No news is always good news with him. I was sad this weekend because I spent my second major holiday alone (last one was Easter) doing grading, calling parents, and doing planning. Not like I usually have some great celebration but it would have been nice to have a bbq and all of that. Justin went to Portland with his family for a bbq.
On a side note, is Romeo and Juliet the longest play in the history of the world? What genius decided this was a good play to read with freshmen? It's way harder than Julius Caesar. I mean, it has all the great themes, and some cool speeches and lines, but it's really just too hard for the kids. We seem to be doing okay overall, but it is just not ideal.
Oh, one thing made me incredibly happy tonight. I watched two hours of this new reality show called Top Model. This is the funniest show I have ever seen. First of all, it is produced by Tyra Banks, who I have always thought is the weirdest celebrity alive. She looks beautiful in pictures, but on TV appearances she looks really weird. She looks sort of like an alien to me with her big bulbous forehead. Anyway, is it just me, or does she always act like she's on crack? She is kind of like Kelly Clarkson (but ten times worse) in that she comes across like she is just a big gigantic dork. She's always doing all these weird moves with her body that make her seem so dorky. Something about her mannerisms. Anyway, so that part of it makes me crack up because she is on this show all the time and is always trying to teach these aspiring models how to model correctly and she is such an un-graceful person.
Then these aspiring models are really wacky. They were all fighting about something about their wake up call would be at 7:30 and the other girls were going clubbing and this mean girl didn't want to tell the others who were going clubbing (I guess so they would be all tired or something?) Then this religious one led them in this extremely strange prayer in which she was crying and going on and on about negativity and sneakiness. I don't have a problem with religion as long as people are not forcing their views on others, but she came across as sort of a wacky zealot. The poor skinny atheist girl was crying during the prayer circle because she felt so uncomfortable. Also during their fight before the prayer circle, the mean girl was trying to explain her opinion and the religious girl started plugging her ears and singing some sort of song to ignore her. I think it was some sort of religious song. It was all very surreal. I loved each and every minute of it. My favorite line was about this model who looks just like Tyra. This other girl was talking about whether she would be chosen and said something like, "Well, I think Tyra will pick _____ because she looks just like Tyra. But that would be weird because then it would be like Tyra was just choosing another Tyra." Yep, that's what it would be like. Good call.
There is apparently no limit to my love for the reality TV genre. It's a sickness. At least thinking back over how funny the show was I have cheered myself up a little bit. It sucks when you can totally rationalize why you feel so crappy, but you can't get yourself to snap out of it.
